June 2005 Archives

Frequently commentor, and 50 word fiction author, DrinkJack left his home today - setting off on a two week long road trip around various parts of the western US. He's going to be here in Seattle on the 4th and 5th and I have taken time off to go out and play with him. We are going to head into some mountains and trample foliage and throw rocks a the wildlife. No... I'm kidding. We'll "take only pictures" and "leave only footprints." Unless the wildlife pisses me off. Then they are getting a stone upside the furry little head. Little muther fuc... no, come on... I love animals. Seriously. They are great. Smooch! I kiss them.

We had a BBQ here at work today. I don't know why, exactly. We just do stuff like that on occasion. I had steak! They had steak! Louise was here, but not officially back at work. She's back officially on Tuesday. But she came in for lunch. I have missed her! There are things that can only be discussed with people who know how annoying other people can be, without ever even meeting them. You know? We all have our gifts.

I feel like I should post some kind of current event or something. Rustle up some political commentary after the president's speech. But I just don't have it in me. What's on my mind instead? Uhhh... Tessa called me a jerk at the BBQ and I think she's being difficult. Especially when I have no idea what jerky thing I was doing. Now she is shunning me. It's ok, tho. Because I have a meeting in a bit. It will be easy to shun me then, as I will be away from my desk. Also, you remember that song by Chumbawumba? "I Get Knocked Down." I heard it on the radio and it made me laugh, because when I first heard the song I thought he was saying "I get no tongue, but I get over it..." I thought it was about a man who gets no lovin'. I like it better that way.

Thank you, Thomas, for explaining the onsie-twosie concept to us. Generally I think of onsie twosie in terms of commercial printing. A onsie twosie being a small job with few copies. River, the onsie twosie dance was something I made up. It's not square, it's not polka, it's not swing... and it's not even remotely graceful. But when I do it, I look goooooood.

overheard*: "... and then you can onsie - twosie to your heart's content."

Evildeb: I rather like the idea of onsie - twosieying to my heart's content
Jodi: Depends... what does it mean?
Evildeb: I have no idea.
Jodi: *experiments with a onsie - twosie dance*
Evildeb: is that what it means?
Jodi: No, I was just trying it out. I think I will onsie - twosie myself on out the door to run errands.
Evildeb: Are you going to buy some onsies?
Jodi: Hey... maybe it's Potty Functions.
Evildeb: in which case everyone should be able to onsie - twosie to their hearts content. Hopefully.
Jodi: I kinda need to onsie right now.
Evildeb: Great... thanks for sharing.

As I was writing this, the monkee started talking babytalk on the phone, and I felt a level of horror that had previously not been felt since I was five years old and my dad took me on the Haunted Mansion ride at Disneyland. And then, I bomitted.

*for those who don't know, if it appears in quotes and italics at the top of the post, it's usually the monkee we are overhearing.

The other day, I was trying to find a copy of "Sympathy for the Devil" I am sure I own it somewhere. I have an mp3... I have to. But I couldn't find one on my hard drive, so I went to Apple Music Store. The only versions of "Sympathy for the Devil" done by the Rolling Stones, available on iTunes, is live. I didn't want live. But I found something even better.

Bossa N' Stones. It's Stones music done to a bossa nova beat, with female singers. So delightful and bubbly it was, Tessa and I knew we had to have it. She said, "I have five dollars in my pocket." and I said, "I'm downloading it now." How we lived without it, I do not know.

I finally managed to hook up with my good friends The Moons yesterday. They've been MIA for several months. Well, missing in MY action. They've had plenty of their own action. They've moved back down to Tacoma. Bad for me. But Mr. Moon is still working in Seattle. Mrs. Moon is now on bed rest, due to her second pregnancy. Bed rest is difficult at best when you are a stay at home mom of a 20 month old kid. Despite the fact that the second soon to be born Moon is a girl, they are still not considering Jodi as a name. What is up with that? It's a great name!

So I was thinking about the song "Hotel California" by the Eagles this morning. Remember that one line in which Don Henly says "So I called up the Captain, 'Please bring me my wine,' He said we haven't had that spirit here since 1969." Do you think by "spirit" he was referring to the wine itself? As in Wine and Spirits? Because I always thought he was commenting that they have not had that kind of spunk, that kind of party spirit, until Don got there. Not since 1969. Thirty odd years and I've always thought this. This morning it occurred to me that I could be wrong. Of course, later they mention pink champagne on ice, so maybe I was right all along, and the Captain was just stoked to have Don's drinking spirit amongst the guests.

I don't know... I was just thinking... what do you guys think?

Pru sleeps around. She rotates her favorite sleeping spot every week or two. Sometimes its with me, then it will be on the purple chair, then maybe it's on the bed again, only this time only at the foot of the bed, or maybe it's on my bed again but she has to actually sleep ON me. Then she's off again to god only knows where for a week or so. No matter where she sleeps, however, she always ends up on the bed, usually on me, in the morning, while she waits for me to get up.

Last night, she decided it was time to sleep with me again. This morning I found her resting on me, in such a manner, that her fluffy tail would swish back and forth, ever so lightly, on my cheek. That's how I woke up. I told her it was not even 6 am but she just looked at me with that "What? Oh, I'm a cat, I can't tell time, all I know is the sun is up and that means morning. And morning means breakfast! But if it's too early, you go back to sleep. Unless, that is, now that you are awake you realize you have to get up to go the bathroom anyway." look.

You can try to roll over to knock her off, but she'll just climb back on and stretch out on your face or something. Very subtle.

stepdad: ok, I've got my bad headlight out.
me: oh yeah?
stepdad: yeah, now I have to go buy the right one, because it turns out I bought the wrong one earlier.
me: what did you do, buy the left one? Bwhahahhhaaahaha!!!
stepdad: *raises single eyebrow at me*
me: *continuing with overly jocular laughter* whooo! oh man...
stepdad: yeah. ok. Well, see you later!
me: Ok, but I can't promise I'll be this funny later
stepdad: *walking away* yeah... right.

Since this week was the official beginning of summer, I thought that should probably be the our theme this week. Summer.

Summer of 1978
It's too hot to move, too hot to breath. We can't go swimming, we're banned from the pool. The popsicle man's already been by, we don't have a/c, there's only one way to stay cool. We're going to have to go watch "Grease" again.

Summer of 1984
Arms wrapped around her legs, cheek resting on her knees, she sits on the grassy ledge, under the olive tree, and watches her little brother run up and down the sidewalk. Closing her eyes, she wonders where the button is. The button you push to get your real life started.

Summer of 1986
In a few hours, when the sun comes up, she is leaving this place forever. Leaving her home, her family, all of her friends and even her dog - she is taking the cat with her. So why was she in a darkened supply closet, kissing him? For the first time.

Summer of 1991
"So, you are leaving work early, to drive through the night, to get to San Francisco by 6am?"
"Right."
"And you are spending Sunday driving back?"
"Yup."
"And you are doing this why? It's a boy, isn't it?"
"It's not a boy!"

It was definitely a boy.

Summer of 1995
She cocked her head to the side, watching him speak, the words so much nonsense now. Excuses for the lies and betrayal, her fault for not living up to his ideal. Why did she ever think he was worth it? There's a good chance he's insane. Good riddance.

Summer of 2000
In a backroom, somewhere in Berkeley, she sat on a stool. It only hurt for a second, just like they said it would. The sharp pain that made her eyes water. Then it was over. Except his rubber clad finger which was still up her nose, inserting her new stud.

Summer of 2004
She wore next to nothing, she couldn't stand to in this heat. Upper 90's outside, it was in the 100's in her easy bake apartment. She raised the bottle of water over her head and poured. Steam rose from her skin. It was time to move.

I'm bored. Yes, I have work to do, but I can't do it because I am too bored. The boredom has shut down my brains.

Please send me things to entertain me! You are my brain's only hope!

I ran into the monkee at the elevators. I was getting off, he was getting on. My little hands curled into tiny fists, without me even thinking about it. TINY FISTS OF DOOM!! Beware the TINY FISTS OF DOOM! Tessa's fists do not contain such fury, but her soccer playing feet do. She has KICKING FEET OF FURY.

Amelia: What are you doing?
Me: I am chatting ... with all my many online boyfriends.
Amelia: Really? How many online boyfriends do you have?
Me: oh, about 7. or maybe 9.
Amelia: Uh-huh. And how many of these online boyfriends know they are your online boyfriends?
Me: oh, all of them. They adore me.
Amelia: Jodi... how many of these online boyfriends are real?
Me: uhh.... real?
Amelia: Yes, as in they exist outside of your imagination. You are chatting with Deb, aren't you?
Me: Shut up!
Amelia: About case notes, you are chatting with Deb about case notes.
Me: You ruin everything!
Amelia: You know you have issues, don't you?
Me: duh. I'm talking to a poster!
Amelia: Exhibit A for the prosecution.

Tonight Dr. Stevil has plans to go sock shopping with his friend. They are attending a brunch at the house of a friend who has recently redone his floors. Everyone has to take their shoes off. So they are going shopping for killer socks.
Me: That is so gay!
Dr. S: I know! Isn't it great?
Me: Only gay men and girls would... no, you know what? Even women would not go shopping for special socks in this situation. They would think about their socks, make sure they are clean, don't have holes and match what they are wearing. But they wouldn't go shopping for special socks.
Dr. S: What about when you went to Vegas? For the Las Vegas Pajama Party. You shopped for special pajamas.
Me: That's different. That's an entire outfit. These are socks.

It's time for another episode of our fashion segment "What's on Jodi's t-shirt today?"

Bonus points if you know the meaning behind the shirt and are not Überbrain. [sorry übers, it's too easy for you.]

Did you ever have one of those days where you were walking through the office and you sudden began to fear that you did not put on pants today? So you look down, and sure enough, there are pants and you are wearing them. So you continue to walk on, to your destination, but again, you have to check to make sure you are really wearing those pants. Yes, they are there, you can touch them. But, dammit, if those pants are lighter than air!

I have to tell you about the Father's Day card I got my stepdad. It was too perfect. It starts out:

In my heart, I always appreciated everything you did for me.

And goes on to say:

And, in my heart, I always cleaned my room.
And, in my heart, I always took out the trash.

The inside doesn't matter, it was the front of the card that made him laugh. It made my grandma laugh. It made my mom laugh. In fact, maybe everybody laughed a little too much? Hmmmm....

Here is a song for Father's Day!

Pru just decided she wanted to be in the pictures. Here she is, looking at the sink, confused. Why is it so white, mommy?

Just got back from dinner at PF Chang's with the family. Had myself a little cocktail while I was there. Just a wee little White Russian. Must have been good vodka, because I didn't even notice it until about 10 minutes after the drink was gone. I thought it was rather weak, actually. Not so, grasshopper!! And let you tell me something, kids, after I had that cocktail, I decided to buy everyone's dinner in honor of father's day. Jeez'm rice, there goes a $100+ bucks. Good thing I came home with a grocery bag sized bag of leftovers. Does that make sense? grocery bag sized bag... Good thing I came home with a bag of groceries the size of leftovers... noooo... Good thing I came home with a whole heapin' mess of leftovers! There we go.

I needed that cocktail. So did other people at dinner. We both needed cocktails and we were the better off for it.

Jack, as promised... a picture of mongolian beef. Unfortunately, I had eaten a great deal of it by the time I remembered. I blame the booze. But the plate in the upper right hand corner is it. See how I had pushed the green stuff aside to get to the meat? The rest of you... never you mind why I am taking pictures of beef for Jack. That's between me and Jack.

So here I am, working from home. I don't do this a lot, because I am too easily distracted. I mean, a few feet away is my bedroom, and in there is my comfy squooshy bed. Sometimes, I just like to run and jump on it. But sometimes, I don't get back up right away. The temptation is strong. That is one of many reasons why I work at work, and ummm..... home at home.

I was going to post a picture of me working from home with my iSight, but I did not look good. I looked tired and pasty. I wonder why? Oh yeah, I know why, because I only slept three hours. Was I playing the sims? Nooooo. Was I cleaning my house? Noooooo. I was just doing that thing I do, where I start out to do something like, say, clean the bathroom, and I end up trying on all my summer clothes to see how the fit, instead. Not that I did that last night, but that is a good example of what it is I do, when I do that thing.

Then, all of the sudden, it was midnight, and I decided to go to Walgreens. I had a prescription to pick up. Plus, that is just the best time to go to Walgreens and look around. There were so many things I could have purchased. They had little American flags, and inspired by a debate I had with Thomas, yesterday, I thought I might create an object d'art and call it "America - My Country: You Do Know That None of The Other Countries Are Inviting You to Their Birthday Parties, Don't You?" But I couldn't find any astroturf, which was essential to my design. But they had Milk Duds. [purchased] and Peach Snapple Ice Tea [purchased]. So... good enough.

Short story long, I was up for a while, didn't sleep until after two, but woke up at 5. Hence.... lack of sleep. I wasn't able to pry myself out of bed right away. And now, I am punchy. Literally. I want to punch someone, but with love.

Hello and welcome to 50 Word Fiction Friday. For those who don't know, here is how we play the game. Write a story that is 50 words, no more, no less, and leave it in a comment. And that's it. Oh, and this week's theme is housework. Something to do with cleaning. Because we all know how challenged I am by the mere thought of it.

Also, in case you didn't know, there is an archive page of the past weeks 50 word fictions, if you'd like to reminisce. Enjoy!

Where is the fairy tale?

"You were supposed to bring me breakfast, sweep the hearth, hang the clothes out to dry, iron my ball gown..."
"Mmmm... I'm sorry... what?"
"You are just sitting here. Reading!! You make a lousy Cinderella."
"Can we just skip to the part where someone brings me a glass slipper?"

Can't play sims until I finish picking up the house. Bummer. Gotta do some dishes. and finish cleaning the bathroom and get my crap out of the family room and vacuum. Not going to worry about the office or my bedroom. Besides, in accordance with the custody agreement contained within their divorce papers, my mom is getting my Grandma on Saturday night. Stepdad gets her tonight, mom gets her tomorrow. Perhaps odd for someone to want shared custody of their ex mother-in-law, but she's pretty sweet. You wouldn't want to give that up.

I, of course, maintain custody of everyone at all times. They all still belong to me.

You know what? I don't think I have anything else to say... I got nothing. Odd. Let me think... 50 word fictions is to tomorrow. It needs to contain some aspect of housework in it. Just a heads up.

Yeah, that's about it. Since the house will be clean, I wish I could invite you all over to play board games and eat snacks! Or possibly poker. Anyone want to come over and play poker with me?

We join the monkee as he attempts to sell someone the latest version of my software.

"And the latest version of [jodi's software]? Holy Christmas!"

Amelia: Holy Christmas? What does that mean?
Jodi: I don't know, I guess he means it's really really great.
Amelia: so great he cannot come up with a logical exclamation?
Jodi: I don't like him talking about my software.
Amelia: Wait, don't you want him to sell it?
Jodi: Yeah... it's just.... it's non-denominational product! Separation of church and software!
Amelia: Ahhh....
Jodi: Don't push your Christian holidays on my software, it was made by people of many faiths.
Amelia: Holy politically correct Winter Festival that adheres no no one specific religious belief!
Jodi: batman.

Holy Christmas is now the interjection of choice among members of my department.

To those of you who voted that I give in to my incredibly passionate nature, and buy the Sims2 yesterday, despite my need for housecleaning, bless you. You are my people. You "get" me.

To those of you who voted that I sacrifice my own needs for pleasure to better secure my family's health and safety, ie: clean the bathroom, I've let you down. I'm sorry. Please don't be too disappointed in me. I couldn't stand it if you if you thought ill of me. But... I couldn't find a sponge. No, seriously, I really couldn't. Besides, there are two more days until she gets here. I'll get it all done by then. I'll pick up a sponge on the way home. Trust me.

The Sims2 is way different from the old Sims. It's pretty freakin' awesomely fabulous! I love creating new sims, I could spend hours just manipulating the shape of their face, the tilt of their eyes, the width of their nose... it's wicked cool. Playing the actual game takes some adjustments. Lots of things have changed. I had to do a lot of exploring. There are things that are out of my control now. One sim went to work in an ok mood, he didn't have a lot of valid skills, and all of the sudden a dialog came up - he was facing a situation, and had to make a choice. Actually, I had to make the choice. I made the right one and he got promoted. My other sim went to work in a great mood, with lots of applicable skills, I was again prompted to make a decision. I picked the wrong one and she was fired! She came with a cold, the game informed me, was totally sick, and incredibly depressed about the loss of her job. I had to send her to bed. Her energy was down, her hygiene was down, everything was down. Actually, she took a shower first, then rested in bed until she had enough energy to get up and eat. Then sat in a chair and red [for Fun, Comfort, and Energy] But the depression! She moaned and wailed and cried. Now "getting fired" shows up as one of her fears. And it's one of her "memories" as well. Both things are new to the Sims2. It's ok, we spent a couple of days getting healthy and happy and increasing a couple of skills, and then got another job in the Science field. While her partner is in the Law Enforcement field. Because that is what he wanted. It said so right in the control panel. However, his main mission in life, his emphasis.... his raison d'etre is Family. Hers is Knowledge. At this point, they are Good Friends, and I am trying to work my way, their way, up into love so we can trade the two single beds in for a double.

A while back, I was talking to Chris about the great names spammers use. I said that when I wrote my best selling novel, I might give all the characters names I got from spam. And so I started to keep a list. And it seemed that it would also work for Sims. So their names are Pansy and Dimitri Merona. Not the most exotic names on my list. But come on... Pansy? Such a smart girl and her name is Pansy.

This is the first time, in a long time, I've played without the money cheat. But I had started to rely on it too much, and it took some of the challenge out of the game. So the Meronas are saving their simoleans for a nice Telescope. Something else that has changed... you have all sorts of new options. For example, instead of just Read, Look for a Job, and Recycle options on the newspaper, you can now also Make an Airplane. Which the sim will then play with until you stop them. They will also play some kind of weird pirate game in the bathtub. Food flies everywhere when they eat. And they make cuter noises.

And I only played until 11 and that includes a long break during which I chatted online with real people. So... you know... I can stop any time. I can!

Do not eat cheetos while working on your computer. Your keyboard will get all gungy and orange.

Dan pointed me to an article that says the Sims2 is showing up early in some stores. But.. but... if I go get it today, if I can find it, I'll never clean the bathroom before my Grandma gets here. However... I have noticed a trend when she visits, she likes to feel useful. She tends to clean anyway.. so.. um.. maybe.. NO! I have to clean my own bathroom! However, I might just need a jamba juice for lunch. And the jamba juice is just two doors down from the Apple store, so if I happen to walk by and peek in....

I have zero willpower.

"Dude! He got off! He got off on all counts. Yeah.. all of them!"

Amelia: what's he yelling about now?
Jodi: hmm? Oh, the Michael Jackson trial. He was found not guilty of about 900 counts of child molestation.
Amelia: was he really innocent?
Jodi: I doubt it. It's not normal for grown men to have slumber parties with little boys.
Amelia: but why is the monkee yelling like that?
Jodi: He's probably excited to have a reason to yell, to hear his own voice. Plus, he probably wants to be seen as hip, being the first to tell everyone.
Amelia: That's not hip, that's sad. The whole thing makes me feel ookey.
Jodi: Yeah. Besides, at least two people told me the verdict before he started yelling. I'm way hipper than he is.
Amelia: Word.

Well, I think 10 out of 10 people polled say "no money for people who come to your door to beg!" Excellent.

I decided, in preparation for my grandma's visit, I should do some cleaning this weekend. The bathroom really needs a good scrubbing. And I did clean, in my own way. I'm tired of all the music that's on my iPod and hard drive. I wanted some new stuff. So I unpacked a box of cd's. I never unpacked them when I moved in October. Now, first I had to make room on my old computer to store more mp3's, which turned out to be a bit trickier than I thought it would be and I had to go into Terminal and get all sudo and chmod on it's ass. But finally it was clean and sparkly and I had cleaned off 10gb's of crap. So I unpacked the box. I cataloged each CD into my Delicious Library, setting aside the ones that did not bring up a cover image, so I could scan them and make one myself. Seriously. Other's I set aside to rip mp3's from. The rest, I put away in alphabetic order. [except for the soundtracks.] All that took hours, 147 cds. And there are two more boxes. But it's just the type of "cleaning" I like. And if you box up all your music for over 6 months, when you open it, it's like brand new stuff! You are so excited because you have not seen these cds in so long.

I was thrilled to see my really old Chris Isaak stuff and my Peter Gabriel cds. My Sarah McLauchlan and Letter's to Cleo. Cherry Poppin' Daddies and Jesus Jones. So fun! I still have a pile of cd's to work through, ripping to mp3. I don't know if I will finish the boxes before this weekend or not. I really should do some kind of "practical" cleaning. bah.

In Sims2 news, it starts shipping today. It won't be in stores for another.... 3 days 10 hours and 25 minutes as I write this. I know because aspyr has a nice countdown clock on their website. And no, I'm not just sitting and staring it, in anticipation... much.

Remember when I told you that I don't like answering the door if I am not expecting someone? Well, this is why. I'm sitting in the purple chair, reading a rather dark and twisted mystery, when someone starts banging on my front door. Not just knocking, but banging. Then they ring my door bell three times, wait a beat, and start knocking repeatedly. I'm thinking, this has to be a neighbor and it has to be an emergency, what with the knocking and the banging and the repeated doorbell ringing. So I open there door and there is a woman standing there, she hands me a business card. On the business card it says "I am deaf." It goes on to say something about looking for work, not having any work, oh did I mention I am deaf... this part was hard to read because the card had been copied from a copy many times over. Then at the bottom it says "Donate as much as you wish." In her hands, she held a pile of bills. Not a lot, but enough to let me know that other kind souls had, apparently, given her money.

I was speechless. Which hardly mattered in this situation. Now, I only know a couple of things in sign language:
"Surprise!"
"Dead Dog"
"Shut up, bitch, go make me a turkey pot pie."
None of these seemed appropriate. I did not know the sign for "What? Are you kidding me? You come to my home and bang on my door, ring my bell over and over, and I am supposed to give you money? You come to my door to beg for money?"

So I'm stuck. Do you go with compassion, or do you go with indignant annoyance? I went with annoyance. The sign for "oh no, no thank, no... shutting the door now!" is universal, kids. But it ticks me off, because some part of me wonders if I am supposed to feel guilty because I can hear and I have a job. While the other part of me is thinking that this is a total scam and the previously mentioned part of me is a sap. The sap side of me tells the cynical side of me to have a heart, and remember how very very fortunate we are. So the cynical side of me smacks the sappy side of me upside the head and tells her to quit being such a pussy. And then they get in a big fight and are currently not speaking to each other.

And that is why I don't answer the door.

And yes, I really do know how to say "shut up, bitch, go make me a turkey pot pie" in sign language, although I find very little use for this knowledge.

Ooo.. hey, you guys, sorry. I was caught up in a book last night and completely forgot to prepare the 50 word fiction. Ok. so this week's theme is "ennui" considering I am suffering from it. You don't have to use the word, just the idea of it. I'll have to post mine a bit later, as I am already late for work.

Bad bad Jodi

EDITED to add:

The girls leaned out the window of the third floor dorm room, arms outstretched. The water balloons were straining with their cargo and poised for deployment.
“Ready? Ennui! One.... Two.... WHEEEE!”
The fell back onto the bed laughing, as soaking wet sorority girls screamed their annoyance below. Ah, sweet satisfaction.

I had a lovely email discussion the other day with Chris about books. The recommendations were flying fast and furious, I know I put some books on my reserve list at the library already. I'm going to have to review those emails and make myself a little list. Anyway, the point is, one of the books was available yesterday. [ "The Sparrow : A Novel" (MARY DORIA RUSSELL), in case you are curious. ] Since I had finished The Shadows of the Wind book, I scampered on down there to get it. But it seems that somewhere between the arrival of the book, the updated status in my account, and my scampering, the book disappeared. And I just looked at that librarian with frustration and thought " Cmd+F! Cmd+F! come on... Cmd+F The Sparrow, it's gotta be here somewhere!" [that would be Control+F for you Windows users.]

That is what the computer has done to me. When I can't find things, my mind instantly thinks "Cmd+F" and I'm always so disappointed with my brain remembers that life does not work like the Mac OS. More's the pity. Am I the only one who does this? Have you ever done something and then instantly thought "Cmd+Z" because you wanted to undo it, to take it back?

I am reading the most delightful book right now, "The Shadow of the Wind" by Carlos Ruiz Zafón. Actually, I am almost finished. I went home yesterday and picked it up, to start it, thinking I would be reading it over the next week or so, it's almost 500 pages. But I could not put it down. I kept reading until around midnight, when I was just too sleepy to keep going. The title is from the book, from one of the more enjoyable characters I've read in a while, Fermín Romero de Torres.

On the radio this morning, the dj's were talking about advice for graduates. Some woman called up and said the best advice she had was to do what you love to do, do what you did naturally at about 8 or 9 years old, because that is probably your passion. So I thought about it, and these are the things I can remember doing. [I don't have the best memory]

• watching tv, mostly sitcoms and cartoons
• eating candy
• finding money to buy more candy so I could eat it.
• reading
• playing with barbies
• building forts, both inside and outside.
• engaging in a pine cone war with the neighbors
• riding my bike
• playing a game with the neighborhood kids we called "murder!" Could only be played at night.
• playing a game with the neighborhood kids we called "babies." Could only be played in the basement of the Murray house.
• playing elaborate games of fantasy that required a great deal of back story. And horses.
• swimming
• writing letter's to Donny and Marie, as well as the cast of Little House on the Prarie
• interviewing people with my little tape recorder
• singing and telling stories into my little tape recorder
• convincing the youngest Murray kid to do whatever we told him to do. Run out the house naked... eat a slug.... I was really not the ringleader here. My brother was.
• listening to my mom's records. Either with giant headphones on my head, or while dancing and singing in the living room. Depended on the album.
• avoiding my brother and his wrath
• sledding
• eating more candy
• playing in my grand parent's bar before it opened, pouring cokes with four cherries
• not doing my math homework.
• occasionally telling some pretty wild stories. some might call them lies. I call them stories.
• Playing dress up.
• not cleaning my room
• living in a fantasy world all my own.
• contemplating my existence in the universe and the meaning of life.
• listening to music on my little radio.
• trying to look into the windows of the funeral parlor across the street from my Grandparent's motel, to see if we could see a dead body. Answer: no.

And I probably rounded the whole thing off with more tv watching, candy eating, and book reading. Can someone please tell me, now, what I should be when I grow up?

Evildeb has diagnosed me with ennui, and she is absolutely right. I am definitely suffering from an acute case of the blahs. I told her it was even hard to blog... as I had nothing to say but blah. All I really want to do is lay around and day dream because it's less blah than real life. blah.

My stepdad is back living in the house for the next two months. The lease on his wee little cabin is up, the ski bum who lives there in the summer is back. For the rest of June he'll be commuting up north. Which sucks for him. But he's taking July off to work on the house. What this means is, I do not, currently, live alone. That is hard for me. I'm used to living alone. Not that it's hard to live with my stepdad, it's just, I'm spoiled and selfish. My home is my sanctuary, it's a haven and a hiding place. I don't answer the phone if I can't tell who it is. Sometimes, I don't answer it even if I know who it is, if I want to be alone. If I want to vacuum at 3 am, I do. Not that I vacuum all that much. But you get the point. And if I don't want to answer to the door for fear of being served with legal papers, I don't. But my stepdad does. Answer the door, that is. You have NO IDEA who is on the other side of that door! It could be one of those kids who talks a million miles a minute and sells you a dozen magazine subscriptions at once. Which is why I always go to door with the phone in my hand, yelling "No No! It's 1 breath for every five compressions if you are doing it alone, trust me, I know my CPR, I'll talk you through it... put the phone up to grandpa's ear... LIVE GODDAMN YOU, GRANDPA, LIVE!!" My stepdad, however, has a dozen magazine subscriptions. Which sort of shocks me, because he is more than capable of looking at that kid and saying "no." while shutting the door.

What I'm saying is, it's me who has a problem. I've probably lived alone too long. It will probably be good for me. My grandma is coming to visit us, and I'll have to clean the house and NOT play the sims2 24/7 while she is here, in my underwear. This is good for me. But, I WANT TO PLAY THE SIMS2 24/7 IN MY UNDERWEAR! But.. .it will be good for me. And maybe, after two months, I'll know whether I can come out of my cave and have mature relationships with people. Or whether I should just give up now, get some more cats, a ratty bathrobe, and start yelling at the neighborhood kids to get off my god damn lawn.

After Evildeb responded to a managerial request with a buttload of information:

Jodi: Hello ball! I'm Deb, and I am going to be on top of you now.
Evildeb: I fell off right after
Jodi: louise did that a couple of weeks ago. she was sitting on my exercise ball... fell right off. hit her head on the desk. i hope you didn't hit your head on the desk. 
Jodi: hey... my eye is twitching, it won't stop. it was doing that last night too. does that mean i am crazy?
Evildeb: Yes.
Jodi: whooo-hooo!  good-bye rational thinking!!

Louise is on sabbatical now. At least I hope she is, the last thing I heard from her was a totally stressed out email on Saturday. If everything went according to plan, she flew home to Scotland yesterday. Then she and her mum are going on a Scandinavian cruise. So I kinda hate her. Not kinda...I do. She's going to St. Petersburg and I've always wanted to go there! Since way back when it was Leningrad! Not fair. She's also going to Sweden, probably Stockholm. And Coppenhagen, Amsterdam and something German. Can't remember what. I told her to bring me back something Russian. Like a sailor. Hoo-boy! I'm going to miss her. I'll have to find someone else to come and visit me every day and tell me how hard it is for someone like herself to deal with the "regular" people. That's my girl!

Amelia: Why is he so excited, and loud, today?
Me: Beginning of the quarter... fresh clean sales slate. He's "striving."
Amelia: "Striving?"
Me: Yes, he's rilly rilly striven.
Amelia: Is that a word?
Me: Look it up.
Amelia: Do you see a dictionary in this poster with me?
Me: Sheesh... you used to be such a striver, too.
Amelia: I could strive your ass off, kid.
Me: Word.

This morning I get my annual performance review. So... that should be fun.

This week's theme is sleep, because I am very tired and want some. Sleep. Also, there is no fiction from me until tomorrow... or later today is it would be, as I have stayed up too late reading, and am too tired to think of even 27 words, let alone 50. I almost forgot it was Friday, because of those two days off at the beginning of the week.

So ... on your mark... git set.... gimme 50 words!

EDITED to add my story:

Night Sky

She opened the back door, slipping outside, spreading her blanket on the lawn. Looking up at the clear night sky, this was her favorite time, when everyone was sleeping. Which is why they did not see the beam of light come down and carry her up into the night sky.

Your Expression Number is 5

A total multi-tasker, you have a wide variety of talents. You're very versatile and able to change at a drop of a hat. A free spirit, you crave change and adventure.

Clever and quick witted, you can convince anyone of anything. You can do anything you desire... though this sometimes gets you in trouble! Very popular, you're always thinking up new ways to entertain and amuse your friends.

Your restless and impatient attitude means you don't stay with projects for long. You tend to be erratic and scattered - it's hard for you to focus. You often find yourself in a state of flux with constantly changing interests.

What's Your Expression Number?

Scattered? Huh? What?

My new chicklit.com t-shirt.

Today saw the inaugural meeting of the Girls Who Eat Meat Lunch Club. it went something like this:

Roll call: Jodi [present] Tessa [present] Louise [present] KK [present] M-roo?.... M-roo? [officially sucks]
Review of Agenda: 1. Eat Meat 2. Decide where to eat meat at next meeting.
Consumption of Meat
Closing: Where should we eat meat next? (The Other Coast Cafe)

It was lovely. Bacon cheeseburgers and french fries all around. We should probably get t-shirts.

Also, a new word was created today.

peequency |ˈpēkwənsē|
noun ( pl. >-cies)
1 the rate at which someone must urinate over a particular period of time

Jane was a pain on road trips as her high peequency resulted in too many rest stops.

Don't you wish you could do that with your eyes?



I feel so pretty.

So strong was my resistance to coming back to work today I forgot my laptop at home. The exact moment I realized this was when I exited the elevator onto my floor. I walked up to Evildeb and told her what I did. She said, "Bye-bye!" and I turned around and went back home. Not exactly convenient. Luckily, by the time I headed back over the bridge for the third time, traffic had died down a bit.

I may have an excuse... you tell me... I went blond on Friday. So this might be "expected behavior." Don't worry... it's not a bleach job. It's highlights.