September 2005 Archives

Whoooo-hoo! Today marks sixth months of 50 Word Fictions! Was it good for you? Because it was great for me. Congratulations everyone who has been playing along. As an extra special Six Month Anniversary, today is actually 100 Word Fiction Friday!! That's right, today only you get double the pleasure, double the fun, double the words. Don't say I never gave you anything.

This week's theme is "repairs."

Fixer Upper
"I didn't mean to.." he said.
"Yeah, so you've said. You never mean to." she said.
"I don't know why you keep giving it to me."
"I don't have much choice, it's where it wants to go."

It was looking a little worse for wear, bumped and bruised. She examined it throughly, held up to the light, read the small print... sure enough, she was screwed. There was no warranty on her heart. She put on a brave face.

"Well, a little duct tape will fix that right up."
"I promise to be more careful."

I received this email from Lloyd:

Hi Jodi,

I thought you might like to hear about my encounter with the guy who works at the Fun Hole.

I was walking back from the Indian restaurant and saw half a dozen police cars, lights flashing, parked along thhe north side of 35th St.

As I got closer, I saw that there was yellow police tape around the outside of the jewelry store, a handful of cops clustered at store entrance and another group in the alley that runs from Deluxe Junk back behind the building. A more civilian-looking gentleman was videotaping the scene.

The guy working at the Fun Hole was leaning over his counter, the better to see the proceedings. I asked him what happened.

He said two guys pulled up into the alley and one of them ran into the jewelry store. At the time, he said, he just thought the guy was late for work or something. Apparently the man forced the jewelry store clerk out of the store, and began grabbing jewelry. He then ran back to his accomplice, who was waiting in the car.

"I was going to go after him," the Weenie seller said, "but they just took off. The guy was like half hanging out the car and they just took off."

He nodded toward the fellow with the video camera.

"If that dumb-ass knew how to do a story he'd be interviewing me. I saw the whole thing. I've got a face made for television."

Made for television, did you hear that? The Fun Hole is fast becoming my favorite place in Fremont.

I'm not so good at pimping myself.

I've re-committed to Satan's Bookclub, and being a better book blogger. Consider this pimped. You can look forward to some more blatant pimping in the future.

Sassy!

i have writers block big time. I don't know what's wrong with me. I probably need to ride a roller coaster or something. I told Louise I had nothing to write about, and she said, "tell them about your new glasses."

So I tried, but it came out:

I got new glasses. They are red. Then End.

But here is a picture of them. You get fish face because all my smirks looked too sleepy, and not in a good way. And my smiles fakey.

You cannot even begin to imagine how big my hair is today. And I am fairly certain I've used that quote as a subject title before....

Mr. Moon and I had lunch on Saturday as I was on the west side of the lake, and he was there working overtime. We'd recently chatted about my beef stroganoff cravings and how you just don't see beef stroganoff in restaurants. Not being something he ever wanted, he had not realized.

Mr. Moon: Hey... do you guys have beef stroganoff?
Waiter: uhh... beef stroganoff? no, man, we don't have that.
Jodi: It's really not that common.
Mr. Moon: I would have thought it would be everywhere.
Jodi: Because it's comfort food?
Waiter: Yeah... beef stroganoff is like something a mom makes. And Mac back there?*points to the kitchen* He ain't no mom!

Our waiter was a witty, but slow, young man with an enterprising spirit. Despite the fact that it took forever to get the check, I gave him a pretty good tip because, like he told us, "Dude... this is my job, you know? And I need it. I need it to make money for drugs.... I mean SCHOOL! He-he-he-he."

When it comes to Then and Now, I often run my ideas past Mr. Moon, ask him what he thinks about the song choices. He's always pointing out that the original is the best. And I chide him, for that is not the spirit of the game. It is not who is best, but rather who loves a song enough to want to redo it. Or sometimes the spirit of the game is why on earth would they chose to do that song? But sometimes the game is can you believe who covered that song? Ok, it's a complicated game. And this week, Mr. Moon is right. This week, I chose Chris Isaak's Wicked Game. Fat chance anyone is going to be able to improve upon that song. That song is on my "list." It's my list of songs that will never grow old and I will always love.

Wicked Game - Chris Isaak 1989

People ask, Jodi... where do you get your song ideas for Sunday's Then and Now. That's what they ask. And I tell 'em it's none of their bee's wax. But it's a combination of suggestions from others, songs I know I want to use, and complete accident. For example, I knew that k.d. lang covered Chris Isaak's Western Stars. But I did not know how many people have covered Wicked Game. There is a gregorian chant version of Wicked Game. Strange, unnerving, but true. I did not pick that one. But they also do a favorite Peter Gabriel song of mine. Not to mention Duran Duran. Anyway, I chose Finnish goth band H.I.M. Why? Because, on the surface you'd think "yeah! goth up this song! it's dark, it's tortured, it's haunting!" But the truth is... it doesn't add that much to it. Chris could goth it up if he wanted to. He totally could. I've seen him in concert several times. He has a suit made out of mirrors, people. And sure, that doesn't sound very goth. But that's because Chris transcends goth. You don't have to be underweight and sickly looking to feel pain, kids. Nonetheless, if I were in a goth band, I'd totally cover this song. But only if it were ok with Chris.

Wicked Game - H.I.M. 2003

I told you the story about the wiener from the fun hole?

This is the Fun Hole. As seen from my car, when stuck at the red light.

Hey, this week's theme is Autumn. But get this, I was busy cleaning, and didn't even think about my story. CLEANING. If that's not an omen of bad things to come, I don't know what is. And now I am sleepy. So you all start without me, ok?

The Order of Things

"Autumn.... People like me better, you know."
"So I've heard."
"They write songs about me."
"Oh yeah? That's nice"
"I'm very popular, I'm thinking of getting my own gig somewhere, just leave the three of you behind."
"Hey... Summer... no matter what... I will follow you. Always."

Ok, whenever I have nothing to say, I like to fall back on the audioblog option, and Lloyd just gave me the perfect opportunity. He commented on the Leo Sayer post, mistakenly giving Leo credit the song "Rubberband Man." Turns out, the summer of '77 is sorta hazy for Lloyd. In order to clear things up, I had to get ahold of "Rubberband Man" for him. It's a pretty enjoyable song, so ya'll might as well enjoy it as well!

Well, it was my intention to celebrate the official beginning of autumn with a new color scheme. A Fall color scheme. I had it all done, was showing it to a couple of people for feedback, and then suddenly... I hated it. I changed some colors and other details... still hated it. So, no fall theme for now. I'm skipping on to my next theme idea. So you have that to look forward to.

Wow, other than that, I don't have much to say for myself. Hmmmm... I must be saving it up for tomorrow's 50 Word Fiction - the theme is Autumn.

I got a speeding ticket on the way to work today. I'd only been on the road for about 3 minutes, I was matching the speed of the cars on the road, and it wasn't fast, or so I thought. I'm not that bright first thing in the morning. It went something like this.

Cop: Hi, pulled you over because you were going 27 in a school zone. Were you aware of your speed?
Me: uhhh.... speed?
Cop: Do you know the speed limit when children are present?
Me: errrr.... children?
Cop: That's right, it's 20 mph when children are present.
Me: hee! kids are funny!
Cop: Do you have a driver's license, miss?
Me: DO YOU HAVE A 44 OUNCE DR. PEPPER? Because I'll trade you!!

My iTunes is on random today, and I am very sleepy, so I was very shocked to hear this song come out of my headphones. I had no idea I had that song on my hard drive, or where it came from. And thus, a new feature was born. It's a lazy feature. Good for sleepy days.

Songs Jodi had no idea were on her hard drive. I won't tell you what it is. It's a surprise for you as well.

Thank you, Andy, for reminding me that today is Talk Like a Pirate Day.

Avast and Ahoy, everyone!

This week's Then and Now is a three song episode. A Hat Trick, for those who do not know, is when a single hockey player scores three times in a game. This week's song is a classic from the Guess Who, a Canadian band, "American Woman."

I've had a cover version of this song for a while, and was sorta keeping it on hand for back up. But then William sent me this version. Since William is indeed Canadian, I asked him if this song reminded him of me. He tried to explain to me that there was a deeper meaning to the song than just fear of American women. Socio-politico economico stuff. But I know the truth... American women? They are gonna mess your mind. But no one ever said you wouldn't like it.
American Woman - Butthole Surfers



The is the cover I had originally. I still really like it, because it's from a scene in Austin Powers when Heather Graham is dancing in hot pants and go-go boots, and that is a look I think needs to come back. Besides, Lenny is just cool.
American Woman - Lenny Kravitz

Hi! Welcome to Week 24. I hope you are excited because we are two weeks away from the big WEEK 26 HALF YEAR CELEBRATION!! Whoooo! Didn't know we where having one, did you? I'm still searching for the perfect theme. If you have ideas, email me. Next week, Week 25, we will celebrating the autumn equinox with a ... wait for it... Autumn theme, not unlike our Summer theme last June.

This week, our theme is Wishing, to complement last week's Waiting theme. Because someone is under the impression that Jack Johnson is secretly in love with her and writes all his songs for her. Except Banana Pancakes, which he obvious wrote for me. Now me... I'm under the impression that E is writing all his music about me. Have I not mentioned the Eels lately? I've been remiss. They are still awesome, and my little fiction was writing while listening to them.

You Wish Upon Stars
She wishes upon the moon. She likes the in your face proximity. The moon wouldn't be able to tell you sweet lies, or false promises. It isn't all flash and sparkle. The moon has an honest face, and even if it can't deliver, it's happy to listen.

In the animal world, urine is used to mark territory, to make a claim. I think this instinct is strong in humans as well. Now, I don't know about you men, but the ladies rarely literally pee on things. They have other ways of staking claim. We leave things behind... scent, lipstick kisses, our unmentionables. And, if necessary, we take meetings in the ladies room.

Such was the conversation I was having with Christine, when I discovered she'd never heard the song. Scandalous! I had to take care of that asap.

Hey, not nearly as crabby, but Monday left me with a cold. Not a cold bad enough to keep me home or anything. Just one to annoy me. It's great. Makes me dim. I tried three or four times to write a blog post yesterday, but kept ending up with "blah." So I've mostly been working on a blog design for someone.

Dim, however, is the perfect state to be in when one is playing the sims. Whenever I am feeling dim, I like to create sim families. I'm still looking for "the one." Usually, I end up with a sim I like the best, and I concentrate on her and her life. Yes, it's usually a female sim. I had a sim tragedy a couple of weeks ago. I lost everything. All my sims. Including Coral, who was my "one." So I am rebuilding. Creating lots of sims, still looking for the inspiration. Yesterday I created Oscar. Poor Oscar, he recently lost his wife in a drowning accident. No, I did not kill her this time. It's pre-story. I've killed before, but not in the Sims2, since you can simply move someone out to get rid of them. Anyway, Oscar has two tempestuous teenage daughters, Rose and Daisy. His hands are full. He, currently, is following a career in law enforcement, because it makes the most money right away. And he's all about the success and money. As is his daughter, Daisy, which is why she took an after school job... in CRIME! duh-duh-DUH! Oh the drama. Rose is more concerned about learning and knowledge. She wants to get into private school, if she has to drag Daisy with her kicking and screaming. Will she be successful? Should she potentially sacrifice grades for the chance to enter into the science field with an after school job? Or should she pursue medicine? Will Daisy stay in crime after she graduates, or make the natural progression into politics? What about Oscar, is he going to be alone forever? Can he get over the loss of his nameless, yet soggy, wife and find new love? Who knows? I haven't made it up yet.

I am so crabby today. I don't deserve to be. I have only happy things in life. I have absolutely nothing to complain about. Nothing. I'm a blessed and lucky girl with fabulous friends and family. And yet, I want to bite people today. I am sublimely crabby.

So, rather than cater to that crabbiness, I am going to post the only song I know that has my name in it. It's a pretty delightful song.

Papa Come Quick - Bonnie Raitt

This week's Then and Now is dedicated to Mr. Moon, who's birthday was on Thursday. When I once proposed this cover combination, he shuddered and declared the cover artist "evil." So I can't resist. Besides many people have secretly confessed that if they were Rock and Roll Gods or Goddesses, they would be tempted to cover this song.

I Love Rock and Roll - Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

I don't think Brittany really loves rock and roll. I don't think you can love rock and roll and still use beats from a drum machine on a song about it. It's very ... inorganic.

I Love Rock and Roll - Brittany Spears

Normally I avoid posting on Fridays, so as not to distract from the spectacle that is that day's 50 word fiction post, which is right down there, but enough people have said to me, today, "Jodi... what did you find yourself in the middle of, for pete's sake?" that I am going to post a third time. And the answer is this: it doesn't matter. Because that sort of nonsense can only bother you so long. Especially in a world of people who "get" all the right things. Finding out that it's not only your old friends, but your new ones as well who understand that incoherent joke about pickles. Hearing someone tell you they are finally freed from their indentured servitude and will be returning to their normal job of paying attention to you next week. And people who tell you stories that make this picture amusing.

And last, but certainly not least, finding some spanking new music, including songs about monkeys!

That's right, I said MONKEYS!

I'm a little blue this morning. Sometimes I get myself mixed up in things I am not even aware of, and when the dust settles and all parties are settled, I'm standing alone in the dust wondering what happened and why I am the one left out in the cold. Now, totally manageable situation, because I'm not really out in the cold in life. But if you spend a few hours listening to incredibly beautiful, but incredibly sad, music, you can come to believe that you are.

So I decided, no more Damien Rice today.... I simply cannot take it. And somehow, I stumbled upon the perfect antidote. Completely by accident.

This song is available from their website for download. But I have a feeling I am going to need more than one song.

Darling Nikki - Asylum Street Spankers

Or as Loon likes to call it, FWFF. She even made a little badge! And I stole it. You can steal it too. It's free!!

This week's theme is waiting.

Kitty Karma
"I've given it some thought... I'm not as good as I could be. It's quite possible I won't be reincarnated as a human."
"No? What are you coming back as?"
"Probably.. a cat."
"Why wait?" He opened his arms, she crawled onto his lap and purred.

I explained what the cello does to me, so maybe you will understand why I cannot quit listening to this song. It kills me, I swear.

The Blower's Daughter - Damien Rice

Evildeb: you are soooo funny to them
Evildeb: they just laugh and laugh
Jodi: like a monkey
Jodi: that's my role
Evildeb: who's the monkey
Evildeb: they laugh like monkeys
Jodi: i was thinking i was the monkey
Evildeb: no
Jodi: look at, laugh at the little monkey
Evildeb: I think they are a gaggle of monkeys
Jodi: what do you call a group of monkeys? i'm looking it up.
Evildeb: a gaggle
Evildeb: especially when they laugh
Jodi: troop
Jodi: it's a troop of monkeys
Jodi: but its a shrewdness of apes
Evildeb: I'm a shrewdness of apes

later in the meeting...
Evildeb: when she said "ping us" it sounded like penis
Jodi: i know. "if you hear of this issue, just... penis."

And then I got the giggles. But at least now we know about the monkeys.

I'm downloading it now.

I do not have a cell phone. I've tried to have them before, a long time ago, but I'm not much of a phone girl. There are times I don't want to be reachable. However, there are times I think it would be nice to have one. When I am late, or lost, or if I had a car problem. And I've thought about getting another pre-paid phone for that purpose. But until today, no phone has captured my fancy enough to tempt me. Until today.

Wheee-hooo, kids! It's a new school year. I've got a fresh spiral notebook and a shiny new bic pen right here, and I'm not afraid to take names if need be. I know some people think that a fresh clean slate comes at the beginning of the New Year, but anyone who is anyone knows it comes in the fall, with the new school supplies and fall clothes. Screw summer... that show off season. I've got a note getting me out of PE, and I heart autumn. If it wasn't in the "to be dry cleaned eventually possibly never" pile, I'd be wearing my catholic school girl skirt today.

Whoops. Yesterday was Sunday, wasn't it? Today is actually Monday. I gets all confused when I have the long weekends. Ok, so I am late, and don't think I don't know that this will go down on my permanent record. To make up for it, I am picking a song based solely on the fact that it ROCKS! I don't care about the cover version. I just really want to hear this song. You know, this is another song that I would cover if I became a rock n' roll goddess. I know that Jack is going to like this weeks selection.

Kiss Off - Violent Femmes



Ok, to be honest, I don't know who Guster is, but I like their taste. And they do a fine job. I'm just happy to hear the song a second time. I think that I'll take time to listen to their other stuff.

Kiss Off - Guster

There is a breeze outside. For a moment I was standing next to some bright pink and purple flowers in a parking lot. I don't know what kind, peonies maybe? All the sudden, I was smack in the middle of springtime in Tulsa. Deja Vu weather. Happens to me all the time.

Now my window is open so I can feel the breeze inside, I'm listening to the soundtrack to Amélie and I feel like writing a story.

that if I were to become a rock n' roll goddess, one of the songs I would cover, for my own amusement, would be The Supersuckers Born with a Tail.

What would you cover?

Oh man, I am so happy it's September! Fall is my favorite!

I was having a great deal of trouble coming up with my 50 words this week. I honestly think those sims sap all the creative juices from my brain. So, while chatting with Christine, she gave me the challenge of using the words "buttery justice." We'd been talking about the Tick. Sometimes, all I need is a little push. Your challenge is to use either buttery or justice in your story. But, as you well know by now, you will get the extra special double chocolate hot fudge bonus points with the whipped cream and a cherry on top, if you use both.

Not Baked Goods, but Baked Bads.
Everyday he comes in, pushing people aside, talking on his phone, a wake of jostled coffee cups behind him. Day after day, the constant inconsiderate nature of the man. As I walked past him today, I tripped. Spilling the contents of my pastry tray on him, I dispensed my buttery justice.

Hi! Sorry for the silence... I had a bit of a stomach flu thingy going on. Better now. Blech.

I failed to mention, on the 27th, that my blog is now three years old. Yes... three years. I can't think of anything I've stuck with for three years. Except my family. And my job. And my cat. And some of my friends. And my apartment... ok, I lie. I do many things for more than three years. But not usually of the hobby variety. Except read, I've always done that. Ok, ignore me.

To celebrate, I will tell you a story about birth. Last Friday, Louise went to a Mariner's game with me, my mom and her husband Bob. This was Louise's first major league baseball game. In truth, I think she had more fun than she expected, in terms of the game itself. But in the car, on the way to the game, my mom told us about her patient, and her theory on birth and personality. She, the patient, believes that a certain amount of your personality is determined by the circumstances at your birth. Example: easy birth, easy baby, and so on. I don't know if this is true, but my mom did give it some thought. My older brother's birth was pretty text book, she says, but almost immediately they had to worry about him. He was sent to Children's there were complications, he had to be monitored, blah blah blah, drama. Take that as you will. Now me... I was two and a half weeks late. Also, I had not dropped down, the way babies are supposed to before birth, I guess. My mom said I was stubborn and reluctant, I liked it inside where it was warm and dark, and I would not be rushed. Yup... sounds about right. I liked sleeping in from the very beginning. But I guess finally I dropped and came out. When I was good and ready. I suppose I just expect everyone to be ready when I finally am.

I'm not sure I buy into the theory, I'm sure there are perfectly wonderful, splendid laid back people who had very scary and emotional births. This blogs birth was pretty natural. I don't even remember making the decision. Just... BAMF! One day I started a blog. Didn't even need an epidural. And... that's the end of the story. You know, I thought it would be more exciting when I started it. Oh well... I've been sick. *cough cough* you can't blame me *cough* I'm still weak.