This week's theme is a no brainer really, it's birthdays. I mean, duh. Just another way to prolong the celebration. I'm going to need some more birthday pie, I think.
Not in My House
I've never seen such destruction and chaos. The screams, the tears, the sounds of breaking glass, the sugar high, though it would never end. As god is my witness, I will never throw another birthday party for 10 six year olds again. Next year, it's Chuck E. Cheese.
"Just take a deep breath Ma'am and tell me what happened here today." The officer pleaded as the lady of the house comforted her sobbing little girl. In the background bits of streamer floated like confetti and pink cake frosting spattered the wall like brains. The Birthday Bandit had struck again.
He ran through the house in a panic shoving things into a suitcase. She calmly got her purse and headed for the door, pausing for a contraction.
ìJeffrey, today is our childís birth day. Get into the car or weíll be celebrating it at home instead of at the hospital.î
I unwrap the box with frantic fingers. Grammy always buys the best birthday presents! My friends sit nearby, eagerly watching the birthday ritual. I yank the lid right off and... oh no. Grammy bought me underwear?! The girls giggle, the boys stare at their feet, and I pray for invisibility.
The soft words echoed off of the ceiling ...
"Happy Birthday to You"
Jack thought he was dreaming ...
"Happy Birthday to You"
Surely that bourbon bottle is not singing ...
"Happy Birthday, dear Ja'ck"
Maybe he is hallucinating ...
"Happy Birthday, to yoooouuuu"
Jack found a new love, an old bottle with feeling.
He stood there in her doorway wearing nothing but a smile and his birthday suit. He panicked when he saw the large, nude black man with the 10 inch penis. "Shaniqua nevah tole you 'bout why she wanted you here awl nekkid, did she cracker?" His ass would never recover.