JodiCam

For a hundred years I offered ugly death to everyone I met, and I did it with a song in my heart.

After I gave them $100, the DOL gave me a temporary version of my drivers license with the most hideous picture of me ever. It’s bad. She turned the monitor towards me and said, “You ok with that?”

“Yeah, whatever”

“Are you sure?”

But I’d had it with that place. And now, for several years to come I stuck with a demon picture on my dr’s license. I have four chins, deep dark circles around my suddenly beady little eyes, I’m not smiling, I’m smirking. I look mean, like I want to cause you pain. Also, I kinda look like could shoot red laser beams with my eyeballs. Which is just cool.

I’m not exaggerating, I showed it to Evildeb and from 10 feet away, a nanosecond after I whipped it out she said “Whoa! That is a horrible picture! You look like you’ve been awake for a week.” But I’ve decided to embrace it. We always try to get the best picture we can. But why? Who cares? In fact, I think I am going to go out and get a passport now. See how much damage I can do with that.

Speaking of unflattering portraits…. I am playing around with a webcam page. It’s not terribly flattering of me. The lightening is bad, I look green, every flaw in my skin is accentuated, including the dark circles around my eyes. And, most of the time you only see the top half of my face, because I am slouching. And yet… I did it anyway! There are some kinks to work out. It’s only online when I am at my desk, at home. Right now, if you were to be looking, you’d see a freshly washed Jodi, with wet hair, looking very tired. Very tired indeed. And a little greenish.

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tshirts

In today’s episode of “What’s on Jodi’s t-shirt?”

I knew I was going to be the butt of some jokes, when I returned back to work today, so I dressed accordingly. I wanted everyone to know my status. So I wore this shirt.

Legal

Yes, it’s backwards. That’s because I took the picture with my iSight camera this morning. Go to nerdyshirts.com to see a better picture. I find this shirt hilarious, which should show you what a dork I am. I also wore my tiny handcuff necklace. It seemed appropriate.

Everyone had fun exploiting my criminal behavior and now it’s all over. We can move on to other things. Surely someone else will do something that warrants our mockery soon.

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Uncategorized

Live Blogging from the DOL

Well, when we last left me, I was cuffed and in the back of the state patrolman’s car. Right now, I am sitting in the DOL. For the second time today. They are calling numbers in the 90’s, soon to be 100’s, and in the 500’s. I am 373. I don’t know where I fit in. Oh, wait, they just called 359. There is hope. Ok, back to the story.

So, the officer searched my car and searched my bag, and called a tow truck to impound my car. No, he did not give me the option of calling anyone to pick me and the car up. He left me in the back seat. The back seat is actually hard plastic. I guess so they can hose it down after hauling the bleeding or vomiting. Or leakers of other bodily fluids. Too bad I didn’t barf. I was getting more annoyed simply because it was taking so long, and he was been a bit excessive, in my opinion. Because of him, I was going to have to call my mom and ask her to bail me out of jail. She wasn’t going to like that, it was going to upset her. This man was upsetting my mother! On thanksgiving no less.

I’d say about 25 to 30 minutes into the wait for the tow truck, he decided that he would not take me into the station and book me. He said he was going to take me to a gas station, and I could wait inside for someone to pick me up. Good news, especially since he was sparing my mommy the pain of my incarceration. But, he still didn’t uncuff me. He didn’t do that until we let me out in front of the gas station. 45 minutes after he first cuffed me.

I have to wonder if he was trying to scare me straight. Do you think so? Most people, in similar situations report they were not cuffed. My cousin was given a ride home by the cop! Not everyone has their car impounded either. Maybe he was angry because he had to work on Thanksgiving? I don’t know. He was pleasant enough, considering. He suggested to me that I would be more comfortable if I turned sideways, in the back seat.

On Friday, Mr. and Mrs Moon helped me get my car out of the impound lot. $197. But the courthouse was closed. On Monday, Mrs. Moon came up here and took me to the courthouse. $279. But then we found out the DOL was closed on Mondays. This morning, I decide to take the law into my own hands, and I drove down here when they first opened at 8:30. Only to be told that I had another ticket unpaid. One for overdue tabs. That happened during my incredible weeks of suck, in the later half of July. Not surprised I forgot that one. So I drove back to the courthouse I visited yesterday, wondering why they didn’t tell me about this yesterday. Only to find out it had to be sent to collections and I had to go there to pay it off and get the paperwork. $371. At the collections office, she told me I do not need to go back to the courthouse. She better not have lied to me. Because here I sit, in the DOL, waiting my turn while one and only one man handles numbers in the 300’s.

And there you go, another day of work missed, it’s already afternoon as I write this. Bothersome and annoying, but nothing more than blog fodder. I drove the speed limit all day and you know that’s gotta hurt. There was no way I was going to make someone else cart me around today. I’m trying to take care of this. I’ve had enough of their shananigans. Sure, I was wrong, but now I am trying to do the right thing.

I’m going to go to the Apple store after this. Buy myself a new Mighty Mouse or something. My optical mouse at home is dying. It’s driving me nuts. A bunch of people in the 300’s have given up. We are now at 365.

And now, thanks to Lloyd’s suggestion, I am going to leave you with an audio treat. Enjoy Was Not Was with “Hello Dad? I’m in Jail”

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Uncategorized

Kid… have you rehabilitated yourself?

Well, we are back from Thanksgiving holiday. For the most part. I didn’t actually go to work today. I had a bit of a situation happen over the holiday. Which I will tell you about now.

When Thanksgiving Day started out, I never expected to be sitting in the back of a police car, hands cuffed behind my back. I also never expected to end up helping a woman give birth in the back of a taxi cab, saving a kid from drowning in a pool, or performing an emergency tracheotomy on someone with a ball point pen. Which is good. None of those things happened. Except for the cop car/ handcuff bit. As Dr. Stevil said to me, today via chat, I was cuffed and stuffed. And not in a good way.

Here’s what happened. I was coming down the hill from Snoqualmie Pass, into Issaquah. On the pass, the speed limit is 70, shortly before you round the curve into town, it reduces down to 60. Sometimes, I forget, and until I see Issaquah, I speed along. Thanksgiving night was one of those nights. But I slowed down before the curve, I swear. That’s why, I was confused when the Wa State Patrolman pulled me over. Did I know how fast I was driving… no it was more like 76… license and registration please… blah blah blah. You know how it works. He brought back the license and had me sign it, and I thought that would be it. But he asked me to step out of the vehicle.

Do you guys remember, back in September, when I got a speeding ticket for going 27 mph in a school zone? Well, I didn’t. In fact, I forgot to pay the ticket. It was only two months ago, but they suspended my license. So I was told by the WSP man, who had led me out to the back of my car. I thought he was going to show me something was wrong with my car. Or maybe even see if I was drunk. But no.

Cop: Did you know your license was suspended? Due to delinquent speeding ticket?

Jodi: Uh… no. What speeding ticket?

Cop: I don’t know which one. But it’s suspended, and I’m going to have to arrest you.

Jodi: What? Seriously?

Cop: Yes, please place your hands behind your back.

Jodi: No… really… seriously?

And he was. He put me in the back of his cop care, with my hands cuffed behind my back. He brought my purse and searched my purse. Then he searched my car.

Cop: You have a lot of stuff in your car.

Jodi: Yeah… I do.

Cop: Why is that?

Jodi: Why what?

Cop: Why do you have so much stuff in your car?

Jodi: Well…. because.

What a stupid question. If you are wondering how I am taking this whole thing, at this point, the hand cuffs, the searching, the imminent arrest, the answer is… fine. I was annoyed, mostly. A little bemused because he had to list the contents of my car on a form. Mostly, I was sorry I was going to have to call my mom out of bed to bail me out of jail. Actually, I never thought I would go to jail. Even if arrested. It simply did not occur to me to be worried.

to be continued…..

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50 Word Fictions

50 Word Fiction Fridays Vol. 34

You might be amazed, if you were around here Friday, by my ability to manipulate time and space, and post something in the past. I’ve got mad phat physics skills, and if I want to utilize tesseracts to go back to Friday, to post the FiWoFicFriday I can. Truth is, I was busy, and forgot it was Friday. But that’s ok, cuz I got a good story out of it, one which I will tell you later, with more than 50 words. Fun!

Ok, well, this week’s sin, and therefore theme, is Greed.

Greed is Tasty

The boy stuffed holiday cookies into his pockets. When his pockets were full, he began stuffing his cheeks. He turned around and ran into his grandmother, spitting crumbs on her sweater in his surprise.

“Well, Gordon Gekko, we’d better hide out in the kitchen before your mother sees you.”

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evildeb, sims

They’re Bouncy Bouncy Fun Fun Fun Fun!

Evildeb is not here this week. She may be at home, building her shrine to Johnny Cash, or baking pies for thanksgiving, I’m not sure. The rest of us are left here, at Grump Central. There are a lot of bad moods around here today. And maybe it’s because of air stagnation. We are under an air stagnation advisory. This is due to a high pressure front that remains over the pacific northwest, trapping all the pollution and smog and other nasties in the air. It’s super foggy in the morning and evening, and the air is icky. Maybe that’s what is making everyone crabby, I don’t know. But until it rains on Thursday evening, we remain under a cloud.

In an effort to snap out of it, I give you this happy video of one of my sims jumping on the couch. Isn’t that cheery?

Bouncy

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evildeb, macs

Evildeb falls down into a burning ring of fire

Evildeb has a new love. A new all consuming love. For Johnny Cash. She wants to have his babies, although she knows he is dead. Which makes it difficult. She now speaks to me primarily in lyrics. From Johnny Cash songs. She says it won’t last forever, but I am still a little worried. She’s been pretty stressed lately. She kept telling me that she got married in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout. I don’t even know what a pepper sprout is. Luckily, she has next week off. Hopefully, she’ll sit quietly and let her brain relax. Although I doubt it.

Just so you know, as I write these words, I am watching them appear on my brand new 23″ Apple Cinema Display. They look gorgeous! Later, I’ll write the words on my brand new 15″ Powerbook! But I am currently in the process of setting it up.

Jodi bought herself some presents today!

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50 Word Fictions

50 Word Fiction Friday Vol. 33

Continuing on through the seven deadly sins, today’s theme is gluttony. Sorry I am late in getting the FWF up this morning. Please refer to last week’s sin Sloth.

Bellyache

He looked up at me with those soft brown eyes, to sleepy to even raise his head. I put my hand on his rounded tummy and gave it a rub and he gave a grateful tail wag.

“Gluttonous little puppy, you see what happens when you eat an entire ham?”

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evildeb, work

Evildeb put devils in my head and Harry Potter day.

Today is Harry Potter day. My Place Of Employment is hosting a screening tonight, for it’s employees, and family, only. I am soooo excited. So freakin’ excited. I can barely stand it. How am I supposed to get any work done, knowing that I am hours away from the new Harry Potter movie? Additionally, it is Tessa’s birthday. So we are leaving here a bit early and convening at a restaurant next to the theatre to have cocktails. So you know what that means? It means it’s another Get Paco Drunk Thursday!! Hooray! I wish I had a video camera. Everyone wish Paco good luck, as he reads my blog.

Evildeb was doing my hair today, because it was very big and also in my face. She put chopsticks with devil heads on them. They look like antennae coming out of my head. But I like them. They are festive, which is appropriate for such a festive day. They look festive, I just look insane. Paco took a picture. Then he added some flare.

Eviljodi

TINY FISTS OF DOOM!!

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