faster pussycat... type! type!

and look who's number one!

and I don't even know how to knit! I'm so proud. How disappointed people will be, if they come looking for a pattern. I'm sorry knitters! I didn't mean any harm!

Distracted I was from finishing up Satan's Bookclub. Intending I am to get it up on April 1st. Thinking I was that it would be 12:01 am, but realizing I am that it will be later in the day. I'm still looking for something I want to put up there. Don't know why I started talking like yoda. The first sentence just came out that way and I went with it.

Pru's freaking out, I'm going to go chase her with q-tips. Before I go, an ironic quote from Evildeb today:

"I'm going to put my headphones on!! You guys are so annoying with your talking!"

Now everyone leave me happy, positive comments and explain to me why I feel the need to document every tiny insignificant piece of crap in my life online? And I mean crap in a good way, but sometimes I wonder about me. You know?

Posted by jodi at 22h32 | Permalink | Comments (11)

9:40:33 matt from dc: what?!
9:40:53 matt from dc: you have to put it back up
9:41:12 matt from dc: it was wonderful material and it got 7 comments!
9:41:17 matt from dc: and it featured ME!
9:41:20 matt from dc: you can't take it down!
9:41:31 jodiferous: oh. now we find out what is really bothering you.
9:41:43 matt from dc: now i am nothing
9:41:49 jodiferous: hang on...
9:41:52 jodiferous: i can fix that.
9:41:54 matt from dc: just a guy who followed a link

Posted by jodi at 21h44 | Permalink | Comments (1)

Every once in a while, I get this song stuck in my head, it's something I remember from the very very early days of Mtv. Back when they played anything and anyone who made a video. Nobody ever knows what I am talking about, when I mention this song, no one ever sings along. Well, it's stuck in my head this morning, and I thought, "Hey, you should check the internet, see if it's out there!" So I did, and it is, and you can even download it from the band's website.

So, please, sit back and enjoy Blotto's "I want to be a lifeguard." Listen to it enough times and you can sing along with me, the next time it is stuck in my head.

Posted by jodi at 11h36 | Permalink | Comments (3)

I move to another part of the building this weekend. That is, someone moves me. And if I don't get my pack on, I'll never make it out of here alive. Everyone else has made significant progress. So I am trying to work up the motivation to take all these empty water bottles and soda cans into central services and recycle them. It's too much like cleaning.

Originally, it was my plan to have Satan's Bookclub up by April 1st. Seemed like a good day. However, if I do that, two things will not be available. There is no way I will finish my book reviews by then. Louise and I were going to review "Down on Ponce" simultaneously. It's not an easy book to find, so we thought we'd find another book for the bookclub aspect. However, if you are reading it, good for you. It's an excellent book and hopefully you can help us recommend it. Then Louise and I were also going have one individual review ready to put up there. I don't think Louise has even picked out her individual book. Do you see what I'm up against? When I say there is No Way I will finish a review by April first, I am exaggerating a bit. I know, it's rare. I could probably do one for "Down on Ponce" by then, since I've read that book before. We'll see.

The other thing that would not be available are the cute little buttons that I am trying to make, so you can pimp SBC gansta style if you want. On your site. Every little button I made turned out stupid. I hated them. Louise thought she might take a whack at some badges. I have not heard how her design attempts have worked out. Nonetheless, I'm thinking of going live anyway. Because we also want to post book type news items and such. And several have come up in the past few weeks that would have been excellent pieces.

So look for Satan's bookclub on April 1st! Maybe. Or maybe not. Who knows. Not me, that's for sure. Sometimes, I tell everyone that there is no way I can get something done, and then I turn around and get stuff down. I'm like that.

Posted by jodi at 12h37 | Permalink | Comments (3)

do NOT try to podcast using the iSight mic, it will not work.

Today I ran into my oldest friend Julie, out on the intraweb. I was signed into an AIM ID I had not used for years, it was the only one she knew about, and she found me. Thank goodness. I met Julie when I moved from Grand Junction Colorado, to Tulsa Oklahoma. The day after my 13th birthday. Or, as I like to call it, "the worst day of my life so far at 13." Except for Julie, of course. Union Jr. High was not a particularly welcoming place. And I was well known back in Colorado, had plenty of friends.

Julie and I have not been in touch for about 3 or so years. But at one point, she knew ALL my secrets. There are probably some new ones now, we'll need to catch up. In high school, we used to talk on the phone all the time, we did our hated algebra homework on the phone, me putting her on hold while I went and asked my stepfather for help. We studied for tests on the phone, which is to say, we avoided studying tests on the phone. After high school, I left Oklahoma and she stayed. I used to write her long letters, full of absolute crap, not unlike what you read here every day. But longer! I was an excellent letter writer. Now she is married and has two kids, and I'm still emotionally the same age I was when I left Oklahoma.

Back then, there was one word I would say that would always make her laugh. It's a perfectly ordinary word. I still, to this day, do not understand what is so funny about the way I say it. But I told her, I would record myself saying it and post it up here. Which proved to be more difficult than I anticipated. Audioblog hates this mp3 I managed to smash together with duct tape and spit. So we'll do it the old fashion way. Oh, and for those of you who are experiencing my melodious voice for the first time, I swear, despite how it sounds, and despite my behavior, I am not 12 years old. i am an adult. Honest!

Click for sexy audioblog!

Posted by jodi at 20h01 | Permalink | Comments (12)

As Dr. Stevil just said, "something good did happen today."

Orgazmo is finally out on dvd, with tons of extras and drunken commentary!

Hooray hooray! Are you Sancho? No you are not! Neither is Scott Baio Sancho.

Everybody say "Geddy Lee!"

Posted by jodi at 13h23 | Permalink | Comments (25)

In attempting to present another fun filled episode of "what's on Jodi's t-shirt today" I realized, looking at the shirt in iPhoto, that I had put my shirt on backwards. The graphic is such that it shows both on the outside and inside of the shirt. That made me laugh, for a while. I haven't done that in almost a year.

Friday afternoon, Evildeb and I went to an off-site work party. We were only marginally invited. But our PSM really wanted us to go. I spent my drink tickets on Dr. Pepper, while Evildeb spent hers on wine. We did a little mingling, and ended up talking to someone in Program Management, about some recent staff changes at the executive level, a vp was leaving. He asked me what I thought about that, and I said "Ummm... yeah, he was pretty good," I had no clue if he was any good or not, "he used lots of corporate speak and anacronyms." Everyone started laughing. I didn't think it was that funny. He did... use a lot of both. I looked around at the group, and knew that I had done something dumb.

Evildeb: You said "anacroynm."
Jodi: I did? [still not hearing what I had done wrong.]
PM: that's good ANAC-cronym. That's a great word!
Jodi still laughing with everyone else: well, you know me!! hahahahaa!
Evildeb: did you mean acronym?
Jodi - ashamed and not at all drunk: yeah. I did.

I've always screwed up that word. I have the hardest time saying it. But I looked into it, it's a real word. anacronym. Sort of. People use it to describe acronym's that are so old, nobody remembers what they stand for anymore. Like SCSI and ASCII. [Except for me, maybe. SCSI=Small Computer System Interface and ASCII=American Standard Code for Information Interchange] So playing it cool was the smart thing to do. When I got back to work, I found a website that explained the meaning of Anacronym, although I don't think it's in the dictionary. I mailed it to Evildeb and my PSM. Who forwarded it to the PM. Who still thinks it's a great word and is willing to suspend disbelief that I meant to say it.

Louise is still intent upon teaching me to knit. She is actually making me knitting needles and found a pattern that is just crazy enough to make me learn. Only so I can answer when people ask me the inevitable.
"what are you knitting, Jodi?"
"Vibrator cozies" I'll say, sweetly.
Evildeb is not down with this plan.

Evildeb: why would you want to make those?
Jodi: come on! it's genius! we'll make vibrator cozies and sell them at I heart rummage! They'll sell like hotcakes! Sexy hotcakes!
Evildeb: I don't think you should make that. What do I need with that?
Jodi: Well, it sounds like you should go right out and fill it! You're a healthy girl, surely you have something that runs on batteries.
Evildeb: make iPod covers.
Jodi: NO! you can come shopping with us when we go buy the floor model vibrator for our sales booth. Nobody likes a chilly sex toy. [which may or may not be true, actually.]

Posted by jodi at 12h06 | Permalink | Comments (18)

From This is Not Over:

Pharmacists are refusing to fill prescriptions for birth control pills and morning after pills.

Can someone please tell me, who's country am I living in?

Posted by jodi at 17h04 | Permalink | Comments (5)

I read, somewhere, that unexplained bruises and contusions can be signs of alien abduction. This has always concerned me, because I am constantly bruised or contused. Naturally, if I were abducted, it would be in the middle of the night, and I would not remember it. Perhaps this is the cause of my frequent insomnia? Anyway, last night the aliens must have picked me up by my left leg, and tried to detach it by shaking me violently to and fro. Because I am experiencing a strange pain in the hip/leg joint of my left leg. Like I did something yesterday to pull or strain it, and now I am paying for it. It's a sharp pain when I move certain directions. All I did yesterday, that could POSSIBLY be called strenuous would be hunt for Easter eggs. And that would be an extremely generous assessment, to call it strenuous activity. And, since I don't have an excuse like Romy's, I can only assume that the alien's tried to pull my leg off. Probably thought it would work just like a Barbie leg. [my Barbie's legs were always falling off. My Barbie took part in MANY strenuous and questionable activities.]

My cable has been out for about a week. At first, I thought it was because of the wind storm. Then I thought maybe Pru disconnected something when she was spazing out. Turns out, it has been disconnected. I've never seen the bill, I guess my step dad takes them. I called him on Friday to find out, but he never returned my call. I'd worry more about it, except that it's probably a good thing to have no tv. I am missing the Daily Show, I admit. I guess I will probably do something about it soon. If I did the whole lent thing, I'd give up tv. Of course, lent ended on Sunday, so I guess it's too late for that. Oh well, you know where that road leads, the one paved with good intentions.

Posted by jodi at 15h22 | Permalink | Comments (15)

Today's title has absolutely nothing to do with my life right now, other than I wanted to share my favorite Dogma quote with Romy. I worship air conditioning. It is one of my favorite things in life. It's right up there with Dr. Pepper from a fountain and my cat. And other things that are also "up there." I have dreams about a/c. About the a/c we had in the house in Tulsa, the vent was right under my bedroom window. I had really tall windows that went down nearly to the floor, with long white curtains. When the a/c would come on, they'd billow out... sigh. I love the sound of air conditioning. The house in Grand Junction had a swamp cooler. It worked best when the back door was open a crack. I don't know why, I don't question the genius that is air conditioning. We don't have a lot of a/c in homes around here. They say you don't need it in the Pacific Northwest. But they are full of crap!

Speaking of crap, I had Easter Brunch with the family this morning. It was delicious [not crap!] When my mom got married last spring, she inherited a 9 year old granddaughter. This kid is, as they say, a pip. She learned right away not to believe a single word my uncle Jim says. She doesn't believe I am as old as I am. Both by my looks and, mostly, by my behavior. Not having any kids, I have seen little reason to grow up. So we have about the same maturity level. Her birthday is a week, and I imagine she'll start out growing me soon. We found out today that she was caught using a bad word. And you could tell she didn't want her mom to tell us what it was. But I had to know, because I love bad words! Finally, her mom mouthed the word "crap." Crap? Crap is a "bad word?" Really? That's nothing! Crap is well.... it's a pretty crap bad word, that's for sure. I know for a fact that I developed a potty mouth early on. And I went far beyond "crap." My mouth was washed out with soap once. That wasn't really Pattie's style, so maybe we were just giving a try for curiosity's sake. When I was living in Tulsa, we went to church regularly, and my youth group [jr. high age] had a little cheer we used to yell, that I remember to this day. We learned this cheer at a regional youth retreat in Dallas. It went, and I quote:

bish bish bam bam!
son of a bitch, god damn!
highty tighty christ o'mighty
raw raw fuck!

raw once, raw twice
holy jumpin' jesus christ
awwwww.. SHIT!

Of course, I grew up a Unitarian, so we didn't get in trouble until we started yelling it near the little kids. Unitarians can take the Lord's name in vain all they want, if it's part of their Spiritual Journey. Unitarians kick ass.

Pattie had put little plastic eggs near everyone's plate, with questions inside. [That is so Pattie's style] Usually, Uncle Jim, Pseudo-Aunt Pat, and I poo-poo any serious Sharing of Feelings at family gatherings. [so did my step-dad, back in the day]. We carry the "Irreverent" gene rather than the "sharing" gene. Mine was not bad this year, if I could have another life after this one, who or what would i chose to be. Duh... Wonder Woman. Or maybe Catwoman. [I admit, I have a dark side.] Pseudo-Aunt Pat got "would you consider e-harmony in your search for a new relationship." I was shocked I did not get that one! [I would then have remarked "what search?" ] Then Pattie, disappointed, said "Bob wouldn't let me give you that one." Smart man, Bob... well played.

Posted by jodi at 21h59 | Permalink | Comments (8)

Today was a lazy lazy day. I swear I had only been up for a an hour or so, and it was time for a nap. Ok, it was longer than that. It's raining here today. None of that sissy "scattered showers" crap. Full on rain on my roof. It was hard not to get under the covers and just listen to the rain. Then we the cat jumped upon and settled down next to me, curled up against me, it was even more different to contemplate getting out from underneath the covers. So I didn't.

Shhhh... let's all be very quiet and listen to the rain. Or a Van Morrison song with lots of cello.

Posted by jodi at 17h05 | Permalink | Comments (2)

and I'm a sadistic bastard! I'm so grateful for that!

Do not pretend that you didn't know that... for I will know if you are lying to me.

Heart-shmart... brains KICK ASS!

Posted by jodi at 18h04 | Permalink | Comments (2)

I got this from Chris at Rude Cactus. How was I supposed to resist? I can't. I can't be expected to resist questions about books. Books are my favorite!

1. What book would I like to be?
Harry Potter Harry Potter Harry Potter!! Wait, I don't understand. Do I want to be a book or IN a book? Why would I want to be a book. I cannot conceive of what it is like to be a story. I don't know. Either way, Harry Potter Harry Potter Harry Potter! Or maybe one of the Sandman comics.

2. Have I ever had a crush on a fictional character?
Uhhh... yes! Of course. There is a whole thread about literary crushes over on chicklit.com. Mr. Darcy, Ranger, Jean-Claude (who is so MY boyfriend) Elvis Cole, Joe Pike, Rourke... that is just off the top of my head in three seconds. I even have crushes on authors.

3. What is the last book I bought?
Oh crap... this is hard. I get mixed up now because I get so many books from the Library! I think it might be "Hex and the City" by Simon R. Green. Hang on... let me go check my booklist... I know the last book I tried to buy was "Down on Ponce" so I could re-read it and review it.

4. What is the last book I read?
I just finished reading "Chill Factor" by Rachel Caine.

5. What book am I currently reading?
"Me Talk Pretty Some Day" by David Sedaris, "My Life in Heavy Metal" by Steve Almond, "The Alienist" by Caleb Carr and "Down on Ponce" by Fred Willard.

6. What five books would I take with me if I was stranded on a desert island?
"Last Days of Summer" by Steve Kluger (I've loaned out and lost sooo many copies of this book. I don't mind because I think it's my destiny to spread the joy that is this story.) "The Boyfriend School" by Sarah Bird (because I am Gretchen Griner) "The Oxford Dictionary of English" because I like to read the dictionary, I could do it for hours. "Imajica" by by Clive Barker (because I've been meaning to read it and it's HUGE!) and.... I can't decide. There is no way I can narrow it down to five. How about the fifth one is blank and comes with a pen?

7. What three poor idiots am I tagging with this FUN FUN FUN?
Every single person who reads my blog. YOU MUST DO IT!! Or Jesus will get very very mad. You don't want Jesus mad at you! (that includes you too, Fee. You ate Easter Candy, you now have Jesus in your soul.)

Speaking of Jesus, is there anything cuter than kitties sleeping in funny poses? I thought not.

Posted by jodi at 10h32 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Posted by jodi at 21h13 | Permalink | Comments (2)

In today's episode of what is on Jodi's t-shirt today:

It's Slimey the Worm! From sesame street! Yay! Today's t-shirt is an orange on orange ringer, paired with a black cashmere cardigan from the men's line of Land's End [treated very poorly indeed], levi's, and black suede canvas one stars.

Right now, Evildeb [who's boobies are known as Siegfried and Roy] is trying to do something genius. If she gets it to work, I will have to be her best friend forever. I'm willing to commit to that, because, if she accomplishes what she sets out to do, she'll be THWARTING THE MAN! The same Man who is always trying to keep you down. In a geeky operating system parity kind of way. I can't really tell you the specifics, because that's Place of Employment [PoE] confidential. But, it goes something like this:

The Man: You must use this system. It's crappy and slow and buggy and complicated and it sucks. It won't do everything you want or need. But that's just the way it is. Oh, and it only runs on Windows.
Jodi: Windows? but but...
The Man: YES WINDOWS!! quit crying, mac babies!
several months later, after Evildeb SWITCHED to the Mac as her primary machine...
Evildeb: you know.... there's no reason we couldn't run this on a mac. I just need to mumble mumble nameserver mumblle mumble java gui mumble mumble .ini file. I don't want to have to lug around TWO laptops every time I travel.
Jodi: HOORAY!!

I really hope she figures it out.

I meant to show you this the other day. Oops. Nintendo Crime. It's pretty brilliant.

Posted by jodi at 12h11 | Permalink | Comments (3)

Your Brain is 53.33% Female, 46.67% Male Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female You are both sensitive and savvy Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

I was sure I'd be more male than that.

You Belong in 1966 1966 If you scored... 1950 - 1959: You're fun loving, romantic, and more than a little innocent. See you at the drive in! 1960 - 1969: You are a free spirit with a huge heart. Love, peace, and happiness rule - oh, and drugs too. 1970 - 1979: Bold and brash, you take life by the horns. Whether you're partying or protesting, you give it your all! 1980 - 1989: Wild, over the top, and just a little bit cheesy. You're colorful at night - and successful during the day. 1990 - 1999: With you anything goes! You're grunge one day, ghetto fabulous the next. It's all good!

And, finally, I've always wondered, what do my boobies call themselves? Can't say I'm surprised to find out that...

Your Boobies' Names Are: Betty and Veronica

Posted by jodi at 22h50 | Permalink | Comments (6)

The t-shirt I'm wearing today says this:

That is, in fact, a picture of the t-shirt as I wear it. Today. Which is why the text is all curvy. Like me. I'm thinking of wearing it to Easter brunch. Just to give my family a head's up.

Dr. Stevil, Evildeb and I went to lunch with the PSM's. We were invited as a way of saying thank you. For filling in for my PSM while she was on maternity leave. I told them they could just not invite Evildeb because she did not do anything. But they did not believe me. [which is probably for the best, as I was just kidding.] Ever since I got back from lunch, I've been in a food coma. Because I had french toast. In a greek restaurant. They have american food and serve breakfast... I love breakfast food! Besides, my favorite dish there is the tiny cheese pies aka: tirokopita. And we had those as an appetizer. French toast is not a dish that sends you bouncing out of your chair, raring to go and take on the rest of your day. It's a dish that makes you want to curl up, contentedly, and take a wee snappy nap.

There is really no other point to this post. Other than to say, I had french toast, I'm tired, this is my t-shirt and I was going to try to take more pictures so I did.

EDITED TO ADD:

wait, there's an ok reason for this post right here. Go check out some VR views of the neighborhood I work in, Fremont. You'll need Quicktime installed.

Posted by jodi at 15h47 | Permalink | Comments (2)

For all of you who mocked Neil Diamond... well... shut up! One day, I am going to post one of his songs up here, and you are going to ENJOY IT.

I used to listen to the radio all the time, as a kid. I remember having a white clock radio, that I would put next to my head to listen to, while I was not falling asleep. And it was in the Bellevue house, pre-remodel, so my room was yellow. I must have been pretty young. I would always hope to hear Donnie and Marie. But, if "Knights in White Satin" came on, I had to switch the station before the end, before the poem, because it scared the pants off of me. Sometimes, I would listen to it, just to freak myself out. It still scares me.

Breathe deep in the gathering gloom
Watch lights fade from every room
Bedsitter people look back and lament
Another day's useless energy's spent
Impassioned lovers wrestle as one
Lonely man cries for love and has none
New mother picks up and suckles her sun
Senior citizens wish they were young
Cold-hearted orb that rules the night
Removes the colors from our sight
Red is grey and yellow white
And we decide which is right
And which is an illusion?

Aaaaaaahhhh! Scary Anyway, less closed minded, musically, people admit that it would be fun to go to a Neil Diamond concert, because you could sing along the entire time, you could just excuse yourself to visit the restroom or get more snacks during "heartlight" and "you don't bring me flowers." Barry Manilow too, most likely. "Oh Mandy... you came and you stayed without taking... and I sent you away Oh Mandy!"

However, I present you with something from the year 2005 instead. This is Ben Lee, from his album "Awake is the New Sleep." Which I do not yet own, but I did buy one of the songs with Pepsi cap. It's called "Catch my Disease" and I dare you to not enjoy it and get it caught in your head all day.

Posted by jodi at 11h23 | Permalink | Comments (7)

There is little proof to prove she did NOT post this. The evidence is fairly damming... it says that she "looks like the devil."

Noodles!

ps: Today I told Evildeb that she was just a little character in my blog, for me to move about and play with at my will.

Posted by jodi at 16h32 | Permalink | Comments (5)

You know, I never really look at my spam email. At work, we have a filter service. Every day it sends me a report of the spam I receive. About once a week, I go in and clean it all off the server. never even look at it. For some reason, this one caught my eye today:

Subject: Hi you :),. I miss you baby please come get me..
Hey baby. So whats been going on with you? Don't you remember me? I loved the time we spent together I thought that you did too. I thought that you wanted to do all the things to me that we had talked about. I had a site made with more of my pictures in case you forgot about me. You can talk to me with the site too whenever Im there, which i Usually am, so I hope that you do. I hope to hear from you soon baby, please dont leave me like this I cant stop thinking of you

Evildeb says she does not have have all the sexually explicit spam that I have. She does not have email from Asslee Bendover. [I kid you not. It was from Asslee Bendover]. She did read off some of the other types of email. "Hot stock tip for quick surge." I'm not entirely sure that isn't something equally as naughty.

More Evildeb fun, I just received the following email.

Hi team,

My PC laptop, SweetyPi was taken away by an IT professional just after lunch today.

It was my fault for allowing her to have unprotected contact with the internet. She caught a couple of nasty viruses and had to be sterilized.

In the process of examining her the IT professional also discovered that her motherboard was damaged. This was apparently a flaw inherent to her type having something to do with an oversized "buffer". Luckily she can be cured of all her ills, but she has to stay in the lab overnight so that they can monitor her progress.

Please keep SweetyPi in your thoughts tonight. We appreciate your kind thoughts for her rapid recovery.

Deb

Posted by jodi at 15h21 | Permalink | Comments (1)

I was just looking at the pets available for adoption on petfinder.org. Specifically, cats. Coworker M-roo has wanted a cat for a long time. Last year, she bought a house. And she's been keeping an eye out for the perfect kitty ever since. Looking at all the animals without homes makes me so sad. I need to buy a big huge house, then I can adopt all the kitties and become the crazy cat lady I am destined to be. I know we are about to hit the time of year that seasoned bunny owners dread.... Easter. Parents go out and get real bunnies to put in Easter Baskets. And then the bunnies end up at a shelter. Because it turns out that they are real animals, with real animal behavior. In the cute pictures, she seem so nice and quiet. Don't buy anyone a bunny at Easter unless you a: know they want it and b: know that they can take care of it! That's all I'm saying. Fee works long and hard to get abandoned bunnies adopted by good homes. I'm not sure how hard she actually works, I'd say she's definitely dedicated to it. But she does help out people who definitely do work hard at it.

I don't know if ya'll noticed, but my baby brother, Josh, left me a comment. He must be getting around, because I don't think he has a computer at home. It's good news.

I was talking to one of the many lucky people who used to be my manager here at The Place of my Employment about who would win in a fight; me or Evildeb. I've always insisted that I could kick Evildeb's ass. I still believe that is true. Ex-Manager P asked, "which one of you is freakishly strong?"
Evildeb: Me! I am! I am freakishly strong!
Jodi: Just freakish, Deb... you are just plain freakish.
Evildeb: No! Ask anyone! Ask Lloyd!
Jodi: nope, don't care anymore. [[started to explain to Ex-Manager P why the cupcakes might taste a bit like bran muffins.]
Evildeb: [Standing behind Lloyd, applying what could only be called a vulcan death grip to his shoulder] Lloyd, am I freakishly strong?
Lloyd: Yes. She is freakishly strong.
Evildeb: Ha!
Lloyd: It's true, she's freakishly strong. Ask anyone.
Jodi: Well, sure, comparatively, she is freakishly strong to Lloyd.
Lloyd: They always tell her she's freakishly strong. Ask her personal trainer, ask her massage therapist. Ask her... her... crystal therapist.
Jodi, Evildeb, Ex-Manager P: Her what? Crystal therapist?

So, add "strong" to the long list of things that are freakish about Evildeb.

Photographic evidence of freakish strength. Click for larger image.

Evildeb: How many push-ups do you think a freakishly strong person would do?
Jodi: doesn't matter, I'm only taking a picture of one.
Evildeb: Oh, in the case. [switches to one arm push up]

Posted by jodi at 14h09 | Permalink | Comments (4)

Just for fun....

1. Hey Man from the album "Whoa, Nelly" by Nelly Furtado
2. Sell Out from the album "Turn The Radio Off" by Reel Big Fish
3. Don't Panic from the album "Garden State" by Coldplay
4. She's Hot to Go from the album "Pontiac" by Lyle Lovett
5. Free from the album "1999 (version without "D.M.S.R.)" by Prince
6. Another Pearl from the album "The Hour of Bewilderbeast" by Badly Drawn Boy
7. Take It or Leave It from the album "Get Born" by Jet
8. The Sensual World from the album "The Sensual World" by Kate Bush
9. These Are the Days from the album "Avalon Sunset" by Van Morrison
10. Baby Did a Bad Bad Thing by Chris Issak
11. Light & Day/Reach for the Sun from the album "The Beginning Stages of The Polyphonic Spree" by The Polyphonic Spree
12. Neil Diamond - Sweet Caroline

Hey, how can you not sing along to Neil?

Posted by jodi at 18h54 | Permalink | Comments (6)

I have had too much sugar. I'm actually feeling a little bit icky... Evildeb says I am shitkl ibbledick. Which sounds naughty, but it means I'm feeling a little bit icky.

Anyway, from craiglist.org Seriously? You are getting married? I hadn't heard. I have been here! I've lived this! I could have written this letter. The girl I worked with was so bad, her friends would come by and they'd lock themselves in the conference room to discuss the wedding for hours! And, at that time, we shared duties so that left them all to me. One day, I broke down and went into a closet and cried. Ahhhh.... the good old days. Anyway, it's funny. Go read it.

Posted by jodi at 15h21 | Permalink | Comments (4)

Remember the spiders who go potty on your teeth? Well, there is a regular spider potty party going on on my teeth right now. Don't tell my mom. Evildeb made cupcakes over the weekend. She's trying to get rid of all her topping doo-dads. You know, sprinkles, sugar, candies... stuff like that. I think she wants them out of the house. So these cupcakes had multi-colored sugar granules sprinkled on top, as well as flowers built out of m-n-m's and little white candy ball thingies. I was unable to determine what flavor the frosting was, because it tasted like Sugar Frosting. Like butter and brown sugar and rainbow sugar. It crunched. I don't think any more sugar could have been added to it. It was pretty good.

Evildeb: How as the cupcake part of the cupcake.
Jodi: it was... interesting. Did you make up this recipe yourself?
Evildeb: No.
Jodi: You know what it tasted like? It tasted like, a bit like... bran.
Evildeb: now, you see, I only had whole wheat flower and I was trying to decide if you could taste the difference.
Jodi: Yes, you can.
Evildeb: so you got a bit of extra fiber...
Jodi: and that's nice!

This weekend, because I have such an exciting life, I noticed that my netflix "friend" Lisa had more movies rated than I did. And I could not let that happen. So I sat at my computer, rating movies until I had over a thousand movies rated! Ha-HA! take that, Lisa! She only has 446 rated. Even Arifa has more than that! Evildeb has the fewest. But now that she knows I did that, I imagine she'll sign on and rate more movies. Because she's competitive like that. Unlike me.

Did you know they now have chocolate Lucky Charms? They do. and they are goooooooood.

Posted by jodi at 13h58 | Permalink | Comments (13)

I was going to write a nice long post about Terri Shiavo, because I'm very angry about it. Not only am I angry about the inappropriate interference of the Federal Government, I am very very frightened by it. I was going to write about it, but then I read Rude Cactus's post about it, and felt I could save myself time by pointing you there and saying, "yeah, me too!" Because I agree with everything he says. In fact, it's almost like he took the thoughts RIGHT OUT OF MY BRAIN!! [hence the slight headache above my right eye.]

I used to think I should buy this shirt for Louise, now I think I want it for myself.

And now I must go to the most annoying meeting on my agenda. I will come back with something happier later.

Posted by jodi at 13h02 | Permalink

Sometimes... I listen to this at work. When i need a pickme up.

Posted by jodi at 22h17 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Or at least the best news this weekend.
JOSS WHEDON IS GOING TO WRITE AND DIRECT THE WONDER WOMAN MOVIE!!
That's right, all caps and bold, baby! That's how exciting this is. This is the official teaser poster. Click for larger image.

I learned this from River, and if you go to her site, she has a lot more news about it, as well as other comic book super hero movie news. I'm worried about casting. That is my biggest concern. If they are seriously thinking of Jessica Biel, I wouldn't be happy with that..... well, I just have to have faith in Joss.

Posted by jodi at 12h10 | Permalink | Comments (9)

I just signed up for Skype., which is free internet telephony.I told Fee she should do it too, and we could talk to each other over the computer. [we were, at the time, chatting to each other on the computer.] She pointed out that I don't even like the phone. But this is not the phone, I said. This is the computer, this is technology. It's sexy and fun and exciting!

Plus, I had to get my Skype ID before someone took Jodiferous. It's not too likely, but it's happened to me before and I don't like it. There is only one. I added my Skype ID over there... see... in the side banner? Skype is also a chat client!

Posted by jodi at 17h55 | Permalink

Click it! It gets bigger! You can make one too. But it does not recognize certain words. Like Jodiferous.

Posted by jodi at 14h08 | Permalink | Comments (6)

You Are Sam From "Benny & Joon."

You are very talented at physical comedy. People are in awe of your abilities. However, you have many quirks which can either win people over or completely annoy them. But you're a sweetheart through and through, and it's hard not to love you.
Take The Johnny Depp Quiz!

Posted by jodi at 13h33 | Permalink | Comments (1)

This is Not Over is my new favorite political blog. The fact that it's run by the same geniuses that do Television Without Pity, an extra chocolate chippy peanut-buttery bonus. But be careful, posts like this are likely to make you very angry. Or maybe they won't, I don't know your secret heart feelings about the reproductive choice. Also involved is Glark of Glarkware, who currently has a t-shirt I desperately want.

The periodic table of sloth. I need it.

Also, they have this baby shirt

Which I am buying for my cousin Kirsten's baby boy, when he's born in June.

Posted by jodi at 10h09 | Permalink | Comments (7)

you might want to re-subscribe. The address has changed. I've moved the blog from jodiferous.com/blog/ to jodiferous.com. Why? cuz I'm crazy like that, and didn't consider all the ramifications. Plus, I didn't need that spare index opening page on jodiferous.com.

i don't know... I'm just like that sometimes. I did set up a redirect from /blog/ to just jodiferous.com

Posted by jodi at 18h14 | Permalink | Comments (1)

Evildeb brought in some St. Patrick's day cupcakes. Freshly bought from the grocery store, on the way in to work. They had a pile of while frosting on them that was equal, in size, to the cupcake itself. And then shamrock sprinkles. At first, I avoided them, but then I stuck my finger in the frosting of one, it was like whipped butter, whipped cream, and sugar all in one. I could not resist. And now my tummy hurts.

I should just give up and go home, right?

Posted by jodi at 13h47 | Permalink

I think I slept with my head at a 120 degree angle or something, I'm in pain. From my head, down the right side of my neck, into my shoulder.

I've been wanting to post this song for a while now. It's Ambrosia, the lead singer of Shivaree, singing "2004 - the year in Review (if you can stand the mere thought)" which she sang on Ambrosia Sings the News on Air America Radio. It's delightful. I recently became a big fan of Shivaree, and have since purchased everything they have on iTunes. Someday soon, I'll post the song that got me hooked on them.

Posted by jodi at 12h43 | Permalink | Comments (2)

I went back and forth and back and forth about this, and I finally caved. Damn you, rude cactus! I got an audioblog account. Just in time for some Flogging Molly!

Posted by jodi at 0h01 | Permalink | Comments (3)

Those that know me, know I am not overly fond of the phone. Combination of my 1.37 years of phone tech support, combined with all the people calling me about my financial peccadilloes, I don't know... I just don't like them. They are intrusive and bothersome. The never ring when you want them to, you never know if you calling someone else at a bad time. You can ask, but they will just say "no." We always do. When I was very young, I was afraid to call people I did not know, on the phone. I know I am not the only one who felt this way, Arifa tells me that her older sister used to make her call and order the pizza, just to watch her cry. Without the visual cues, you just don't know what the other party is up to. Maybe they are making faces at the phone, to indicate how incredibly stupid you are. The way we used to do in tech support. [but that was completely justified] I got over it, obviously. And I know the phone was terribly terribly important to me in my teens. And twenties. But now, I'm just not big on the phone. I suppose it's a good way to convey information quickly. So's e-mail.

So imagine my delight to find that my phone is not working! When I dial out, it rings and rings and rings, but never connects with anything, or go to recording. No matter who I call. And, I have received no phone calls, at all, for three days. Socially speaking, not unusual for me. But this phone number has been in the family for 17+ years, it gets called whether it's for me or not. My stepfather's identity was stolen, so we still get calls for Donald D. Who does not exist. For the first two days, I thought people were just not home, and their answering machines were not working. [I was only trying to call two people] I didn't think much of it. But today, I got suspicious. Oddly enough, my dsl IS working.

I don't know what I did to deserve this gift, the sound of no phones ringing. Perhaps jupiter is moving into libra, I do not know. But until I can call the phone company from work, tomorrow, I guess I'm telephonically incommunicado! wheeee!

but you can always email me.

Posted by jodi at 17h48 | Permalink

I don't use my iSight enough. So I do dumb stuff like this.

So unless I ever actually video chat with someone, I'm left to taking pictures of my eyes, or leaving it running in the corner of the screen while I am working, so I can occasionally look down and see the weird faces I make when I am thinking.

Posted by jodi at 21h51 | Permalink | Comments (2)

At first I thought I was just being overly sensitive about my boundaries, but I checked with Fee, and she agreed with me.

Jodi : my mom sent an email inviting me to easter brunch, and she used her pet name for her husband, and his for her, in it.
Fee: ewwwwwwww
Jodi: ha! I knew it wasn't just me!
Fee: BOUNDARIES!

My family is very open about things. All kinds of things. Things that normal families don't always talk about, especially with their offspring around, no matter how old she is now. Whenever that happens, I put my hands over my ears and yell, "BAD BOUNDARIES!! BAD BOUNDARIES!!" Pet names? Blech. I don't need be part of that, do I?

This was not unlike the other day, on the überbrain, when my arch nemesis, Liloo Multisuck, told Fee that no matter what she wore to her husband's black tie business affair, her "smile was her best accessory." BARF! It's just that the pet names are "blech" with a bit of "ick" in it, and Liloo's comment was "blech" with a twist of "oh please." And an eye roll.

That is not to say that Fee does not have a stunning smile.

Posted by jodi at 13h59 | Permalink | Comments (11)

I've been a bad mood for several days, and sometime on Sunday my bad mood moved into my least favorite phase: self pity. That's the phase during which you decide that no one likes you, you suck at your job, you've ruined your life, you have no talent, and you are going to become the crazy cat lady, and die all alone. There's no point in trying to blog about it, because no one likes your blog anyway. The rational part of my brain is trying to tell me to just relax and take a minute to look at those statements objectively, that I will see that things are not that bad and in fact.... but, the part of my brain in charge right now has, like an older brother, locked the rational part of my brain in the hall closet again, recruiting my friends to help him do it, just to show me that he can charm them into turning against me because.... er, umm... yeah. Like that. So yesterday, I couldn't even write an entry, because I had no words to say. I did, however, design library cards for Hell's Library.

As I've been reading my favorite blogs, I've seen I'm not the only one in this mood. In face, maybe it's contagious. Maybe I've caught it from the INTERNET!

Last night, I was driving home from work, listening to the soundtrack to "Dazed and Confused." I was looking for a particular song [Low Rider by War] and as I was hitting the forward track button, I thought to myself, "Maybe it's on the other side." ON THE OTHER SIDE?? Where did that come from? I don't remember the last time I listened to a cassette in my car. Or even at home, really.

Yeah. That's all I have. Not a great story, but what are you going to do... when you are locked in the closet. The Closet of Self Pity!

Posted by jodi at 10h40 | Permalink | Comments (8)

still playing with the iTunes button in Ecto...

Girlfriend from the album "Girlfriend: the Superdeformed CD" by Matthew Sweet

Last night I couldn't sleep. I slept from about midnight until 2:15 or 2:30 this morning. I tried everything I could to get back to sleep. I even downloaded software to retrieve a song from my iPod that, previously, had only been stored on my computer at work. [perfectly legal, I own the song.] That song? The sound of thunderstorms. Burned that a cd and played that in my room. [I lost my ear buds and the only headphones I have right now are big and bulky. Trying to sleep on your side, with these things on, would be like trying to sleep on a pop can. That's why I had to burn a cd.] Nothing worked. So, eventually I gave up and I redesigned my blog site. As you can see. I'm not quite done with it, but it's coming along. I got the vector file at istock.com, and then messed with it in Illustrator until I made it what I wanted. It was all oodles of fun, but I would rather have been sleeping.

Around 8 am, I had a bowl of cereal, and flopped on my bed, and OF COURSE fell asleep until noon. [I am just not meant to live in the daytime.] Well, it occurred to me, now I had to change my booklist blog page as well now. Oops. Guess I should of thought of that before I started messing around in the middle of the night. It all worked out fine, and I spent a great deal more time on this vector. This banner features Pru. The cat used to be white with orange spots. I tried to make it as Pru like as possible. With my limited skills. There is just no way I can adequately represent her überfluffy tummy. Not in a simple vector file. That kind of thing takes raster of multiple dpi's.

One from the album "Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie" by Alanis Morissette

I figured some things out last night, while I listened to hour after hour of thunderstorms. I've been a little blue the last few days. Off my game, so to speak. And I couldn't figure out why. It's the stupid weather. It's been so sunny. No clouds in the sky, no rain. In fact, Gov. Gregoire has declared a state of drought emergency here in Washington state. It hasn't really rained in days and days. No wonder I'm out of whack. I'm only happy when it rains!! I'm feeling a sense of homesickness, but for weather. And tomorrow, I'm going to have to go to work and it's going to be sunny! And everything is going to be so bright. It's going to drive me nuts. I have a big deadline at the end of the week. I have lots of technical writing to do. Not my strong suit. The style is too dry. [Don't worry, I'm heavily edited.] Do you think anyone would mind if i took my monitor, keyboard and laptop and worked in the parking garage? I wonder if there is wireless connection down there. Hmm...

Surrender from the album "The Greatest Hits" by Cheap Trick

Now this song reminds me... I used to tell my family that if I got married, I'd get married in vegas. [I still tell them that, actually. Because it's true.] I also remember that I used to tell my friends that after the ceremony I would want to walk back down the aisle to Surrender by Cheap Trick. And this was in junior high or something.... so young and already a genius. Oh, and also, I loved Robin Zander.

Eric The Half A Bee from the album "Monty Python Sings" by Monty Python

Posted by jodi at 16h03 | Permalink | Comments (4)

Don't be sad, Fee, I know you like the swinging moods of jodiferous, but I was tired of the swinging babe, I really didn't feel like changing her bikini color again. I'm sure she'll be back. She just needed some time off, and I needed something new to mess with. And look! She's got green glasses! Just like me.

Posted by jodi at 19h46 | Permalink | Comments (6)

I was messing around, working on some webstuff and I decide to put iTunes on random and hit the cute little iTunes button in Ecto, each time new song came on. #2 always gets me a excited, because, as a little kid, I had the soundtrack to Superman, on EIGHT TRACK. That's right, I said 8 track. And if you are not familiar with Thea Gilmore, you should check her out, #10 is my favorite song on this album. In fact, I wasn't even familiar with her music, I heard that song, and I bought the whole album. It was that good. As far as #11 goes, that's a lie, because the sun is certainly shining here in Seattle.

While I listened to tunes, I made this:

That's what my eyes would look like if I lived in a halftone world with red demon eyes.

Posted by jodi at 14h09 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Jodi: *stamping her tiny foot* I want a cruise ship named after me!
Dr. Stevil: *whine!*
Jodi: shut up. You know you'd have fun if your cruise ship was named Jodiferous. Also, I love the First Amendment. It's one of my favorites!
Dr. Stevil: awwwww...
Jodi: *pouts* plus... it's first edition hardback SIGNED!!

Ohhhhh... if I didn't have to help pay my little brother's rent... and if the IRS wasn't currently f'ing me in an uncomfortable place...

Posted by jodi at 12h03 | Permalink | Comments (5)

It's not even St. Patrick's Day, and already i want to change the colors on my blog. I think it's because I came into work way too early, only to find that I have no desire to work. I came in early because I haven't been sleeping much this week. About 3.5 hours, and not all in a row. The nice thing about today is, I can leave at 3:30. Which, on a sunny Spring Friday, is a Nice Thing. But, back to blog design, I made the entry boxes a nice ivory color to go with the orange, and I am so over it. I think I can hold off until next Thursday. i'll have something new ready to go. Maybe with a nice purple?

I tried very very hard to get Fee into the habit of saying Uff Da! Because she could not look less Norwegian if she tried. She is the opposite of Norwegian. I thought it would be cute if this Indian girl ran around saying Uff da all the time. Uff da, if you are not familiar, is a Norwegian saying that kind of fits lots of occasions. Like Oy vey. In fact, I read, that in Norway or Sweden, Charlie Brown of Peanuts fame says "Uff da!" instead of "good grief." See all the good stuff you learn when you don't limit yourself to just one ethnic background? Everyone knows that mutts make the best dogs. So... ummm... I guess I just painted myself into the Dog role, didn't I?

I don't think I've every shared a conversation I've had with my PSM. [not pms, but PSM. When I was soooo busy last year, I was filling in for her while she was on maternity leave. She was gone for about 5 months, but it was worth it, because her baby is cuuuuute. ] But I might as well share one today, because I am wearing my O'Reily "I'm blogging this" tshirt. Which I love. Earlier this week, I told my PSM, Dr. Stevil, and Evildeb about the tiny spiders going potty on your teeth. Because I felt they needed to be informed. Today, we are having a "thank you for working with us" get together for a contractor who has been with us for a few weeks. And is leaving today. My PSM made carrot cake cupcakes with pretty sprinkles on top, only to find that the contractor is on a diet. I volunteered to eat her cupcake.

Jodi: i will eat her cupcake. i'm on a diet as well. anything with sprinkles is OK! Anything with sprinkles and frosting is on my diet. anything that is a miniature version of something else, like cupcakes or mini muffins, are also ok.
PSM: What a coincidence! I'm on the same diet too. How bad am I? I couldn't resist having one of the cupcakes IN BED right before I went to sleep. I think there are some cupcake crumbs in our bed. I couldn't WAIT until today. A cupcake and the 11pm news...what a life.
Jodi: well, i had to have some girlscout cookies right before bed, too.
PSM : I'm telling you - - we're on the same diet! The night BEFORE Mr. PSM and I both had do-si-dos before bed. YUM
Jodi: this is the best diet EVER
PSM: I agree!
Jodi: it's also includes donuts.
PSM: I had 2 donuts this week. YUM Happy spiders.
Jodi: that's what this is, it's the Yum Happy Spiders diet!

Posted by jodi at 10h11 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Does the word "dissing" as in "to dis" have two s's in it? hmmm...

Anyway, I am not able to comment on any Blogger blog right now. And I can't find any information about it. Blogger returns a page that says that the blog cannot be found and do I want to return to the dashboard. No, I don't. I want to share my genius with the author of this blog!! I don't use Blogger, but I am still trying to figure this out. It happens to me at home and at work. I feel shunned.

Posted by jodi at 7h59 | Permalink | Comments (3)

My favorite are Tagalongs, which means I am Artistic, Creative and Dramatic.

What does your favorite cookie say about you?

Posted by jodi at 9h17 | Permalink | Comments (8)

coming soon.

Posted by jodi at 7h20 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Mount St. Helen's had a brief coughing fit last night, that lasted about 30 minutes. There are cool pictures all over the web. Some people reported ash. Luckily, the local news was on at the time, so they were not forced to pre-empt any prime time television shows. I'm sure the 11 o'clock news was made up, entirely, of volcanic information. I heard that they worked it into both weather and sports. Tonight, we'll probably have reports on dealing with the emotional ramifications of last night's explosive event. I hope they have a bitchen title for the whole thing... Big Burp 2005!!

Posted by jodi at 12h35 | Permalink | Comments (2)

A test was sent out to mr-snotty today, it was a Dante's Inferno test. Find out what level of hell you are fated for. I ended up at the Eight Level of Hell. The EIGTH LEVEL OF HELL!! There are only nine levels, kids. And in the 9th resides Satan himself, Judas, Brutus, and Cassius. The worst sinners of all. And I am their upstairs neighbor? If that was not bad enough, Evildeb is going to the Third Level of Hell. No freakin' way. Not possible. I couldn't figure out what I did that was so evil, that I belonged on the 8th level.

And then I took a look at what I was drawing in Illustrator:

Ratings for Satan's Bookclub. Additionally, ask me what I did today. Go on... ask me. I officially registered satansbookclub.com. I guess I had forgotten that I had signed up to be Hell's Librarian. I guess the Library is in the 8th level of Hell.

Posted by jodi at 15h27 | Permalink | Comments (10)

My mom Pattie may not be the dental hygienist to the stars, but she is the dental hygienist to the very very rich and famous. She knows teeth like no one's business. Except maybe her sisters' business, because they are both hygienists as well. Scary. Anyway, I had my teeth cleaned today, so I asked my mom to clarify something for me, regarding plaque. Is plaque a waste product, like, say, urine?

Mom: Nooo, not really.
Me: what is it?
Mom: Plaque is the combination of bacteria in your mouth and food particles. The bacteria digests the food, and emits an acid. It's the acid that affects the gums and teeth.
Me: no urine?
Mom: Well, a crude way to put it would be the bacteria eats the food in your mouth and goes potty on your teeth.
Me: wow! potty!
Mom: the more refined sugar, the amount of bacteria increases, and the more acid it emits.
Me: refined sugar = more bacteria and more potty. kinda like a kegger!

When the Dr. came in, I explained to him how the bacteria eats the food and goes potty on your teeth. He said, "some kind of weird hygienist must have told you that." You know it, doc! Later...

Mom: when you think how hard enamel is, to think their are bugs that can release this acid that will eat...
Me: HANG ON!! You didn't say anything about bugs!
Mom: bacteria bugs. When we explain it to children, we call them Sugar Bugs.
Me: sugar bugs doesn't sound so bad. kinda like candy.
Mom: but they're not. In fact, they are spiders, Jodi. Tiny spiders all over your teeth, going potty.
Me: AAAAAARRRRGHHHHH!!! SPIDERS!!!

When I have a nightmare tonight, about tiny spiders in my teeth, I am calling her to let her know. Only a mother would know just what kind of bug to mention to really freak you out. Some kind of weird hygienist, indeed.

Posted by jodi at 21h37 | Permalink | Comments (7)

Conversation overheard while waiting in a waiting room, two sorority girls, one trying to fill out a health record, both talking on cell phones and to each other at the same time.

SG#1: ok, here, where it asks if I have been tested positive for hepatitis, what does that mean?
SG#2: I don't know... [to the phone] no, I wanted to check out the other rooms first, because that one room is hecka-small.
SG#1: does it mean that I've had the shots? Because I positively had the shot. Is that what it means?

at this point, Someone's Mother, who is also waiting in the waiting room, jumps in.

SM: Did you have the shot as a preventive measure? Or did you have it because they told you you had hepatitis.
SG#1: Ewww... no, I had it because... you know when you go to school, they make you get shots...
SM: Then the answer is most likely no.
SG#2: Listen to her, she is like... a mother. [to the phone] yeah, she said I could have the dog.
SG#1: What? What dog? I totally hate animals. It can't stay at the sorority.
SG#2: It's going to stay at my parents.
SG#1: hmmm... AIDS? Oh I'd BETTER NOT have AIDS. "Are you addicted to drugs and alcohol?" ummm depends, what day of the week is it? Ha-ha-ha.. just kidding. That's not funny.
SG#2: I thought it was funny.
SG#1: Ok... are you under treatment for mental illness? Ha! Noooooo...
SM: [quietly] But maybe you should be.
at this point, SG#1goes up to the receptionist and asks
SG#1: Ummm... how honest do I have to be on this?
Receptionist: What do you mean? About what?
SG#1: well, because I am getting the depro-provera shot. But the mom and dad don't know that. And I don't want the mom and dad to know. So do I have to answer this question honestly?
Receptionist: Ummmmm....
Me: [in my head] birth control? thank god!!

Posted by jodi at 18h43 | Permalink | Comments (3)

I would totally learn to play chess if I could play with this chessboard.

Actually, I would totally learn to play chess if anyone would be willing to teach me, regardless. But it would be ever so much more fun with a Justice League chessboard.

Posted by jodi at 18h24 | Permalink | Comments (4)

Fee and I had a great time this weekend. Now I am suffering from Fee withdrawal. Which is not unlike caffeine withdrawal with a touch of acid reflux thrown in. This weekend left me with jeans that at all too tight. There was a lot of food involved. Junk food. Comfort food. Although, right now, it's definitely discomfort food. I might have to declare tomorrow Pajama Pant Tuesday.

Saturday night Fee and I went over to Evildeb's house, and Fee was able to witness the Best Bad Movie in the history of all Bad Movie I discovered when I still had HBO. Deep Blue Sea. Do you doubt it's genius? Don't make me tell you about ice. This movie is BRILLIANT. Everyone is free to come over to Evildeb's house and we'll watch it with you. We'll make popcorn and cupcakes and we'll drink fruity cocktails and we'll watch you enjoy the film, as you begin to wonder how you ever lived a full life without knowing it's beauty. I think I've watched this film about a dozen times. At least.

Yesterday Fee and I were up in the Pike/Pine area of Capital Hill, looking for a place called Frites. It's a Belgian Fry place, all it sells are fries in paper cones. With dozens and dozens of dipping sauce choices. Like a dope, I left the house without getting the address. But I knew the general area to look. I thought I could find it. Wrong. So I took Fee into Toys in Babeland for the dual purpose of taking her into a sex toy shop [for potential blog fodder] and to ask if they knew where Frites was. Sadly, we had missed a free workshop on Pumping your Privates for Pleasure. However, if she comes back on April 3rd, I believe, we could attend Porn Appreciation. Directions given, we set off down Pike or Pine [who's to say which one it was, they are pretty interchangeable], discussing the possible merits of glass blown sex toys. While the nice lady sent us on the right way, she neglected to tell us that we had to leave Pike/Pine. So after talking to a nice girl at Tully's, we finally found it. Only it wasn't open for another hour. Fee was already shivering with cold [because it was a frigid 62 degrees and sunny] and hunger [because she is so very delicate]. So we ate somewhere else. By the time we were done, it was time for Frites to open up. We walked to the car, and I was going to drive by and drop Fee off, so she could grab some fries. She got out of the car, but came back less than a minute later. Open only twenty minutes, they had already left a sign on the door that said "be back in five minutes." So we both said "Fuck you, Frites!! You can take your screwy Belgian Fries and shove em somewhere uncomfortable!" Or that might have just been me.

Speaking of corrupting Fee, I also bought some Whoppers Malted Easter Robin's Eggs, which she had never had. She was sadly innocent of Easter candy, being Muslim. But she tried them, and now she has Jesus Christ swimming around in her soul!! That's the real purpose of Easter Candy, you know. Won't be long before she's dying eggs and hiding them in the back yard.

Posted by jodi at 15h45 | Permalink | Comments (6)

From Ze's blog....

Wisconsin hunter wants open season on free-roaming domestic cats.
Ok... it's an 28 hour drive from Seattle to Madison, and I'd have to drive, because I could not take guns on the plane. Wow. That's a long drive, I'm going to need to burn some cd's first. I need to stop off in Arizona to pick up my father's hunting rifles. My stepmom has been trying to find someone who wants them. But Josh is vegan and I'm not a big fan of hunting. Shooting maybe, but not hunting. Maybe she can just ship them to Madison for me. Yeah.... Who's with me? I now declare open season on any hunter who wants to declare open season on pets!!

If someone shot Prudence, I'd bring down an unholy rain of hellfire upon them so fast it would singe my eyebrows before I could jump back. I could do it, too. Evildeb would help me. She's got connections. EVIL connections.

Posted by jodi at 13h07 | Permalink | Comments (6)

don't think the irony was lost on me.

Posted by jodi at 22h35 | Permalink | Comments (6)

Doncha hate it when you come home to find your house is not as clean as you thought it was, and you have company coming in from out of town tonight, but before you pick them up at the airport you have to go to your aunt's candle party - want to more than have to - and so you don't have much time to clean up but you are still stalling anyway? I know I do. At first, I came home to find a strange IM on my screen, and I didn't recognize the screen name. So I told Fee that I would be unable to straighten up for her visit, because I needed to investigate this. Well, that only took like five seconds. It was Amy. But then we had to talk for a bit. I've been very chatty today, emails, chats, conversations and I even *gasp* made a phone call. One of the email conversations I was having mentioned porn, as all email conversations are wont to do. And I thought "hey... PORN! I wonder how Mr. Moon is doing." So I called him up. Mrs. Moon has not been having fun with the second pregnancy, she's been barfy all over the place. But he was happy to hear from me, and we chatted a bit. They won't know for a few more weeks whether New Baby Moon is a girl or boy. Either way, I think that they should give it the middle name Blue. After all, Sophistry's middle name is Crescent. If my last name was Moon, all my babies would have moon themed middle names. Crescent, Blue, Full, New, Harvest... Man on The... ummm... Blood... errrr.... Jupiter's. Anyway, so, very chatty, yes. Back to stalling. After I was done telling Amy all about how Samantha on Bewitched really did wiggle her nose, it wasn't special effects,* I decided to pretend I was too tired to clean, and climbed under the covers. But it's not true. I'm not too tired. I just hate doing it. So now I'm blogging. I'm dying to tell you all about my morning dr. pepper rituals and my new edgars I've found since I moved into the house. [Edgars #15 and 16. Or as I like to think of them, Loud-Happy Edgar and Mumbling-Happy Edgar] I don't know why, I could have told you about them months and months ago. But, oddly, I have a deep burning need to tell you today!! AAaaackk!!

Man, what a sucky host I am. I'm going to go take a shower before the candle party. At least I'll be clean.

*this is true. The actress had a special little tick she used, it was actually her mouth moving back and forth. Therefore, it's possible to learn how to do it. I told Amy it's a life long dream of mine to be able to do it. She decided to write a paper on my progress. So far, no progress. But it'll be genius when it's done.

Posted by jodi at 18h24 | Permalink

Oh Pamie does crack me up. Do you know how long it took me to adjust my response to actor Ted Levine's voice, when I started watching Monk?

The blog of Jame Gumb, the serial killer known as Buffalo Bill, from Silence of the Lambs. Join him as he details his life with Precious and Catherine of the Well. Read his poetry!

http://www.pamie.com/butterfly/

Excerpt. Response to a CNN article about serieal killers:

"What's true about serial killers is that they're basically losers. In their own mind, they have never distinguished themselves in the way they'd like to."

Uh, you're basically ShUt Up!

Posted by jodi at 15h13 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Fee is coming to visit me tomorrow, from Pasadena. We have a self imposed three day weekend of fun coming up. Not entirely sure which specific items of fun we are going to cover, from our list, except for one. Fee is a foodie and there will be Ba Me for lunch on Friday. A dish so beloved by those who visit me here, that we have a picture of it.

Those are Fee's actual fingers holding a bowl of Ba Me, the last time she had some. Coming in a very close second is the Lime Leaf Thai Fajita Dish with the Little Bowls of Stuff. I don't remember the real name. We also have a picture of that.

hang on... it's called Mieng Kham, found the Kaosamai webpage.

The only reason I needed to show you pictures of food? Because I'm supposed to be cleaning house for her visit. Feh. This was more important.

Posted by jodi at 17h37 | Permalink | Comments (3)

Shaun Cassidy was my first real Fictional Boyfriend.

Posted by jodi at 16h12 | Permalink | Comments (6)

Last night Tessa [aka: Smackastasia] broke up with her guy. It turned out that he was just not that into her. She's doing fine, but she does have one critical step to take. She needs to come up with a rude or defamatory nickname for him, that rhymes with his name. It's essential for the "letting go" phase. She is the one who gets to do this because he was the one who was just not that into her. That's the way it works, thems are the rules. Unfortunately, his name does not rhyme with prick. So she consulted google, to find a euphemism for penis that would rhyme with "ack." She ran across this. I was thrilled because I really did not have much to talk about today. So a website that provides you with every euphemism for the penis known to the English speaking world was a lifesaver of blog fodder.

Posted by jodi at 15h46 | Permalink | Comments (4)

if i didn't fuck up the comments page for a while.

Posted by jodi at 13h45 | Permalink | Comments (2)

It may look like a simple St. Patrick's day blog theme to you. But I'm tellin' ya, it's more than a way to celebrate pie piece of my heritage, it's also a fine way to annoy Louise! [not that you have try hard to do that.] Nothing gets her Scottish dander up like St. Patrick's Day, in America at least. Everyone asking her why she's not wearing green and celebrating. It's loads of fun to watch! Her face gets all pinched.

I'm doing this all for her. Plus, my sheets are still in the dryer and I can't go to bed until they are dry.

Posted by jodi at 0h03 | Permalink | Comments (8)