faster pussycat... type! type!

Hello and welcome to the last 50 Word Fiction Friday of 2005. Whooo-hooo! Goodbye, 2005! Don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out. [2005 has been a very rough year for some of you, I know you are happy to see it go.] So, I thought the theme was a no brainer, it's new year's resolutions. Something I, personally, do not make because I don't like to set myself up for failure.

Fire in the Hole
Who was she kidding, she'd never give this up? Taking the straw to her lips, she took that first sip of bubbly cold caffeinated goodness. She'd tossed this last resolution in like a grenade, knowing it's inevitable combustion would take the others down with it. Mmmmm.... Dr Pepper.

Posted by jodi at 6h12 | Permalink | Comments (3)

Extra candy cane striped bonus points if you read that in a Bill Murray ala What About Bob voice.

I'm not well versed in the video stuff. I'm a print girl. I like fonts. But, my little iSight camera makes the cute little videos, so I couldn't resist.

Posted by jodi at 18h55 | Permalink | Comments (4)

Typically, when I make holiday pies for the family, I make pecan (aka: Gelatinous Nut Pie) which I don't like, and pumpkin, which I LOVE. If you get the big can, it makes two pumpkin pies. I usually keep one for myself. Pie, as my Moür Moür taught me, is good for every meal. This year, the Christmas Eve dinner included 18 people. So I brought both pumpkin pies over. But I only got one baby slice. There was no pie for Christmas morning breakfast. Or Christmas afternoon and evening snacks. So I am making myself a little pie right now. How is it I make so many pies, but have no pie plates? Someone out there has a surplus of pie plates.

So, no DSL. What's more, verizon cancelled my email account. I only need that for an SMTP server, and I could use webmail, but it's very annoying. So I got my own back up dial up account, so I could quit mooching. And I could have reliable SMTP. I also ordered a cable modem and high speed internet access from the cable company. I've had it with verizon. It's just so annoying and every single thing is a nightmare to deal with, when it comes to the internet. Even their website is confusing. So I am canceling DSL.

Now, until I ordered that cable modem, I didn't understand how powerless Verizon was making me feel. Because as soon as I hung up the phone, it was SUNNY DAYS AGAIN! I'm so happy, I might just accomplish something with my week off that is already halfway over. Instead of playing the sims. Although, I must say, I've created my most successfully slutty sim ever, Thea. A recent college graduate with a degree in psychology, Thea currently has 4 "lovers." One more and we get bonus points! That girl is a woo-hoo having machine, I'm telling you! Currently, she is working in the paranormal field. But we might switch to athletics. She likes doing the yoga and working on the treadmill.

So, pie in the oven, cable modem on the way, sexy slutty sims burning up the woo-hoo, life's looking up.

Posted by jodi at 19h20 | Permalink | Comments (9)

This is what my cousin Kirsten put in my stocking.

I drove the speed limit the entire holiday. Pretty much. For the most part.

Posted by jodi at 17h37 | Permalink | Comments (9)

If anyone ever says to you, "Jodi, it's easy to make your own bows! You just wind around like this, and you pinch like this, and then you wrap some wire around there, and then you tie it off and voila!" You should tell them to fuck off and point you in the direction of the ribbon that curls with scissors. And ask them not to call you "Jodi."

Posted by jodi at 16h04 | Permalink | Comments (5)

Man, I almost forgot it was Friday, my sense of timing is all out of whack, because I don't have to go into work today. Ok, technically, it's just a few minutes until Friday for me. I just got home from shopping about an hour ago. It was insane. I spent soooo much money. I have bags and bags and crap and I am not done yet. There will be 18 people at Christmas Eve dinner, aka: Stocking Madness. Which means 18 stockings to help stuff. [I think every event n my family should have the word "Madness" in it.]

Right now, I have to be honest, I'm thinking the theme should be blisters, because I have them on my feets, but since it's the Friday before xmas, I'll go with something a bit more holidayish. How about Holiday Headaches?

Candy Cane Headache
"Again! Again!" she cried, in perfect time with the aching throb in his head. "I want to play it again!"
He popped two excedrin in his mouth.
"I'm sorry, sweetie. We have to wrap this back up now. Santa was only loaning us Candyland."
His wife was not amused.

Posted by jodi at 0h11 | Permalink | Comments (5)

Those of you who hot link to images on my blog, and use my bandwidth for your crappy pages, I've had about enough of you. What you are doing is rude, and inconsiderate, and I'm going to start messing with stuff so you will learn your lesson. And it creeps me out how many times you guys use pictures of my kitties face in your stupid comments you leave on other crappy myspace pages.

I'm just saying... it's not polite!! You don't even ask!

Posted by jodi at 13h55 | Permalink | Comments (4)

I'm annoyed. I'm trying to upload a song for an audio post that is perfect for today. TODAY. It has to be today. But dial up is slow. I'm also annoyed because I have to make cookies for a cookie swap tomorrow at work, and I do NOT enjoy cooking.

Anyway, for those of you who are saddened by the shorter days, who start to worry on June 21st about the days getting shorter, you can shut up now. It's all uphill from here. They days are just going to get longer and longer. I am not one of you. I get happier when the days get shorter. I do well in the dark. Like a mushroom. But Evildeb is one of you. She likes hot, sunny climes. Like .... HELL! I'm more of a moonlight girl. Not to say winter is my favorite season. That would be fall, followed closely by spring. Summer can kiss my air conditioned ass, because at least in winter, I can pile on the comforters and sleep all snuggly.

Still waiting for that song to upload.....

Opps... turns out you are supposed to grease the pan first. Can you grease a pan with butter? Because that's all I've got that's greasy. I've got plenty of sticky stuff, but not a lot of greasy. Butter it is! Oh, and about the vanlla... bad news about that, I'm afraid. While I have consumed these cookies before, I've never actually made them. Seemed simple enough. Ha! This does not bode well. I'm going to end up buying cookies I just know it.

So here is your song. It's called "The Christians and the Pagans" by Dar Williams. My favorite part has always been when Jane explains to the kid what it means to be a pagan vs a christian. "You find magic in your God, and we find magic everywhere." While I am not a pagan, I am a unitarian, and that's always the way I've looked at the world.

Posted by jodi at 21h45 | Permalink | Comments (5)

DSL is still down. They have to send out a guy to "check the lines." Of course, I have to be home when he does this, so it's going to be a couple of days. Sorry no jodicam, but as soon as DSL is back, you should get some lovely footage of me playing the sims because my University Expansion Pack for OS X arrived yesterday!! Whooo-hooo! Thea, now a sophomore, made the dean's list. She's majoring in psychology. She's moved out of her dorm and into a house with three other girls. I'm sure there will be pillow fights.

To make up for the lack of jodicam, which, I assure you, is FASCINATING when it is live, I give you a picture of my new, possibly lucky, monkey socks.

I find them delightful. You can fully appreciate them here because they have pink non-slip polka dots on the bottom [which many of my friends will tell you is a much needed safety precaution I've been without] and they make my feet do a little dance.

Posted by jodi at 9h46 | Permalink | Comments (9)

Scene: a large conference room, several rows of chairs facing the front. Tessa and Jodi sit on the far right of one of these rows. Evildeb sits on the far left, one row up. A business credo, if you will, is displayed on the wall, "A good plan executed violently this week, is better than a great plan executed perfectly next week"

Tessa: I don't know about the word "violently," it scares me. I don't like it.
Jodi: Deb does, I bet.
Jodi and Tessa look over at Evildeb on the other side of the room. She is nodding her head, with a grin on her face. Her hands are clinched in TINY FISTS OF DOOM.
Jodi: See? I told you she would.

Later that same day...

Evildeb: I like doing things VIOLENTLY!!
Jodi: Like executing?
Evildeb: Yes! I like EXECUTING THINGS VIOLENTLY!!
Jodi: I knew you'd like that.

Posted by jodi at 15h44 | Permalink | Comments (5)

You know, nothing is every going to beat the original. It's a classic. Let's enjoy it now, shall we?
You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch - Thurl Ravenscroft

Ok, first of all, how cool is that name? Thurl Ravenscroft? I am so going to name my next male sim Thurl Ravenscroft. Now, if you are worried, I'll set your mind at ease right now. There is no Jim Carrey version of this song in this episode of Then and Now. Oh hell, no. There are actually quit a few covers of this song, but I narrowed it down to two that I thought were fun. Or different. This next version is one I've been hearing on a local radio station for a few years now. I think it's cool, hip and jazzy. Tell me what you think.
You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch - Deanna Kirk

The last one comes from my favorite new Christmas album this year, A Christmas Spanking, by the Asylum Street Spankers. You might remember them as the geniuses that brought us the monkey song that so delighted me oh those many months ago.
You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch - Asylum Street Spankers

All in all, it could have been worse, kids. I could have decided to use all my many versions of "Santa Baby"

Posted by jodi at 17h45 | Permalink | Comments (4)

Hey kids, today the dial up access officially pissed me off, which means I am getting better. My voice is back, now I just sound like a regular kid with a cold. I did do more than just read and lie here today, I did clean the kitchen an itty bitty bit. Did more stuff around the house. Although not much. I am predicting a banner day of productivity tomorrow, tho. I have a Then and Now Christmas post I want to do, but I won't be able to do it with dial up. It would make me insane. So I might go to the library. I need to talk to a librarian anyway. I miss 'em. Haven't been 'round to see them lately.

Additionally, the jodicam has been offline forever. Also a victim of dial up, although it wouldn't do much good to be online, since I haven't been in the office in days. I could have set up a couch cam, but the last few days were not pretty. No one needs to see that much phlegm.

Pru's playing in the garbage, I gotta go...

Love,

Jodi

Posted by jodi at 22h26 | Permalink | Comments (4)

Oh boy, I am so late. But it's still Friday, so it counts. I only made it two hours at work yesterday before coming home. And I was home again today. This happened to me last year two, a week later in the month, right before xmas. I was sick as a dog. I ventured out to the grocery store today, but that's about it. So, is it any wonder that today's 50 word fiction theme is germs?

WBC Warriors Come Out and Play
She snuck up behind her prey, weapon firmly in hand. Hellbent on the havoc he was wreaking, he did not notice her.
"Yoohoo!" she called, and when he turned around, she ran her sword through his midsection.
"Damn you White Blood Cell Bitch!" the germ cried, as he died. Violently.

Posted by jodi at 16h33 | Permalink | Comments (7)

Can someone tell me where to get one of these anywhere in North America? I need one baaaaaad!

Posted by jodi at 15h40 | Permalink | Comments (9)

Hey kids... I've been sick the last couple of days. What's more, I've lost my dsl connection. I just came into work at noon today, but I'm not sure that was the best idea. Anyway, that explains the silence. Now I'll get back to the scads of emails I have to waiting for me. *cough*

Posted by jodi at 12h50 | Permalink | Comments (2)

So, tell me if this has ever happened to you. You are online, and you are trying to download some video of a sock puppet show you really miss, but can't buy on dvd, because it's owned by a greedy corporate conglomerate, and not the creators of the show, although they are trying to buy it back and when they do you will be more than happy to buy the dvd's, all legal like... so, anyway, you download a little skit of this sock puppet show, and when it's done, you click the QT file, which launches your browser and opens three tabbed pages, the first one on top is porn. And just when you are thinking, hey... I closed all my porn tabs, what's up with that, the sound of a couple having screaming sex comes blaring out of your speaker, and startles you so much you fall out of your seat. It's not the first porn page, the video has not started streaming, you close that tab. It's not the 2nd page, nor the 3rd... it's quicktime file you downloaded. That's not a SOCK PUPPET!! You have been deceived. It's a 20 porn trailer, but it's not even good porn! Curses, foiled again.

No? Yeah, me neither.

Posted by jodi at 18h35 | Permalink | Comments (15)

Last week I had a baby cold. It never caused me to call in sick, but I did work from home one day. By the weekend I felt better. But then last night, I got the mommy [or daddy] cold... the grow-up cold. I was fine, and then an hour later I was feeling suspiciously borderline crappy, and an hour after that I was sick. I hate that. I feel bad because, while still feeling good, I was over at my cousin Kirsten's house, playing with the baby. I was all over that baby. Blowing raspberries on him, pretending to eat his tummy, kissing his baby face, and the whole time, unbeknownst to me, I was incubating sick. I was borderline crappy driving home, and an hour after getting home, I was aware I have cold.

I'm bummed out! I hate being sick. And I really hope I didn't get my cousin'phew sick!

Ok, I am posting a song for Chris, because it's one of our favorite movies, Philadelphia Story, and I told him I would post it. I love this song. I think it's very sweet.

Posted by jodi at 10h40 | Permalink | Comments (3)

I meant to show you this yesterday. I sent this to everyone I know who has a baby.

Because this website, which is both terribly funny and terribly frightening, brought us several minutes of amusement yesterday. Evildeb is very upset her mother did not have access to this, when she was a child:

You know, it even looks a more than a little like her.

All this fun came to me via blog of a bookslut.

Posted by jodi at 14h40 | Permalink | Comments (4)

Once again, hell has frozen over and I am cleaning house. I'm working on the kitchen. I still haven't finished the office, but a dirty kitchen is ickier. And it's dirty. And messy. Both. I started at one end of the counter, and I am working my way around, cleaning surfaces as I clear them. That's the way I like to clean, so I can see progress. I don't just want to see bare counter top, I want to see bare and shiny counters!

Originally, I continued on like this, talking about cleaning, and I almost walked away in the middle of the post, I was so not entertained by it. The only thing less entertaining than cleaning, is reading about me trying to cleaning. So, instead I am going to post one of the greatest songs to clean along to EVER.

Lots of drama at my Place of Employment. We acquired a fairly good size company in the same realm we are in, and you know what happens when two big companies collide? Redundancy in staff. But, we heard tell of the best Xmas gift my POE has ever given us, only to receive emails telling us the shipment to Seattle offices was delayed. Once the other offices confirmed what we heard, we were sorely disappointed, and wanted our gift more than ever. Friday, some Executive types were up in Seattle for some Q&A, and Rockin' Jody [did you know there is another Jodi at my POE? Have I mentioned that?] told me that he would pay me a US Quarter for every time I could work in the word "shuffle" into a question. A shiny Kansas State Quarter!

"Oooo... that's my favorite one! It's got a buffalo AND a daisy on it!" said Evildeb.

I didn't do it. I'm not stupid.

Posted by jodi at 12h35 | Permalink | Comments (4)

I believe I have fixed my CSS issues in Firefox and IE for Windows. According to my crack team of beta testers, all looks as it should now.

Today was Super Casual Friday at work. Every day is casual day, so we had to step it up a notch. I wore my geek butt pants. Somebody said I needed to consult HR about them. I don't know why... because they draw attention to my butt?

Posted by jodi at 19h28 | Permalink | Comments (4)

That the new blog design does not look as it should in firefox, and even less like it should on IE for Windows..... should I even care about that? Guh. It looks fabulous in Safari, let me tell you what. Anyway, it's not a new blog design if it goes perfectly, is it.

Paco and I got a pizza for lunch, and now people are raiding it. That last piece of pizza is MINE and I am taking it home for my dinner. Must go defend my food!

Posted by jodi at 15h31 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Hello, today's 50 Word Fiction theme is the last sin in our Seven Weeks of Sin theme - Evildeb's favorite sin - Anger.

Anger Management
Through a haze of dog hair floating in the air, the boy looked at his parents, and then down tot he electric razor in his hand. The dog happily wagged his now bald rump.

"I'm sensing a lot of anger in this room. I probably need a time out, huh?"

Posted by jodi at 9h38 | Permalink | Comments (6)

Now with three column layout! I know Jack will like it, it's blue.

Enjoy. Until I grow weary with winter and long for spring.

Posted by jodi at 8h57 | Permalink | Comments (6)

It was a bad day at work. Bad, sad and a whole bunch of other morose adjectives. So I like to unwind by taking inane online quizes. Here is one, both The Man and I took this quiz and got the same result.

Your element is Electricity. Everyone loves having
you around because you're simply so much fun,
you're always the life of any party. You're
very active and probably have trouble sitting
still for very long. You love being the center
of attention, becoming famous could be one of
your top goals in life. Your greatest fault is
that you hate to lose and will do anything to
avoid it, even using cheap tricks or straight
out cheating at times.

The thing is, I can sit still. I really can. Well, maybe I fidget a bit. It depends on what you mean by sitting still. I can remain in one location, for example - while reading, for hours at a time. But I probably fidget around a bit while doing so. Also, I will cheat like nobody's business.

Posted by jodi at 16h33 | Permalink | Comments (4)

I'm working from home today, as you can see, because I have a cold, but a long long list of things I am behind on. I'm enjoying the peace and quiet and heating vent right by where my feet rest, under the desk.

Last night, I was thinking about Christmas. How hectic it can be. How easily people lose their tempers and become intolerant to the fact that they exist in a world full of other people. It happens to me too. Especially in parking garages. But, I'm try to be patient and keep a sense of humor. Because the alternative is a lot of energy used in negative ways.

So, in an attempt to keep, and spread, the holiday spirit, I will post some of my favorite non-traditional Holiday songs, over the next few weeks, for everyone to enjoy. Today I give you "Merry Christmas From the Family" by Jill Sobule, one of your more realistic xmas songs.

Posted by jodi at 10h56 | Permalink | Comments (3)

It's a pretty busy week. I'm not sure what that means, blogwise. I'm predicting quiet. But often, it means I write more than ever. Especially since of the "action items" on my list aren't all that entertaining.

I went to the mall on Saturday with my cousin. It could have been much much worse. I introduced her to the joy that is the $4 valet parking. Worth. Every. Penny. We returned wedding presents at Macy's, during which time I picked out six or seven different types of fine china. I have to say, I don't spend a whole lot of time looking at fine china. I can't even remember the last time I looked at any. But fine china design seems to have improved greatly in the last few years. I counted several options that featured neither flora, nor fauna. Or squirrelly curly-Q's and patterns. Who knew.

After a lovely lunch featuring pasta and salad, we headed over to the new Container Store that just opened up. And that's when I lost my head. And ran into my mom, for that matter. I really really love products that help you get organized. I always think, not unlike cleaning products, that this is the purchase that is finally going to do it for me. Finally, I will have all my paperwork, receipts, pay stubs, tax returns, birthday certificates, etc. filed away neatly. I'll be able to find anything at a moments notice. A place for everything and everything in it's place. And, just like all those cleaning products I buy, I'm let down. Turns out, no matter what bright shiny thing I buy, I still have to do the actual organizing. Nonetheless, I love these kinds of stores. The Container Store is no different than Storables, which is just down the street. With one major exception. The Gift Wrap Wonderland!

I love me some wrapping paper, christmas paper best of all. Escaping to the back storeroom to wrap customer presents was the only thing I liked to do, when I worked at Hallmark. The examples on the website do not do the Gift Wrap Wonderland justice. My first theme of papers and ribbons were all jewel tones and gold. And then I switched to something more contemporary and witty. And I was ready to switch themes again, but Kirsten would not let me. It's just that there were sooooo many lovely papers and ribbons! I could barely stand all the wrapping paper stimuli! As we looked around the store, it went a bit like this.
*Looking at media shelving*
"I want to change my theme."
"No."
"Please?"
"No."

*looking at shoe storage and sock organizers*
"I want to change my theme!"
"No"

*looking at desk chairs*
"I want to change my theme."
"No."

*looking at stay fresh food storage systems*
"I want to change my theme."
"Fine! Go change your theme!"
"No... I guess I'll just stick with this."
"sigh"

Posted by jodi at 16h05 | Permalink | Comments (11)

I'm cleaning. No, seriously, I am! Watch!

Posted by jodi at 16h23 | Permalink | Comments (5)

Today's Then and Now, which is another 3fer, comes from my desire to listen to a Beatles song, this morning, sung by someone else. As per usual, when it comes to the Beatles. However, this actually one of the songs done by the band, themselves, I like. I've heard musicy people say that their strength was in their song writing, not their musicianship. Maybe this is why I like Beatles covers?

Across the Universe - The Beatles

When I was researching which Beatle album this song came from, etc., I found that a lot of people have redone this song. David Bowie, Built to Spill, and this version, which I included for fun.

Across the Universe - Rufus Wainright

But this is the version I woke up with in my head. I can see the video in my head. It's the version I like best, and the one I always want to hear. And, like Officer Barbrady says "Well, you ain't Fiona Apple, and if you ain't Fiona Apple, I don't give a rat's ass."

Across the Universe - Fiona Apple

Posted by jodi at 13h10 | Permalink | Comments (3)

Hi! This week's sin theme is Lust. I'm opening a pandora's box with this one. Remember, ya'll, my mommy reads this blog sometimes.

By the way, I did not get enough snow, last night, to necessitate working from home. Sad.

Toy Lust
She stroked the smooth surface, a look of lust on her face.
"Ma'am, if you don't stop licking the PowerBooks, we are going to have to ask you to leave the store."
Licking her lips, she moved away. He didn't say anything about the Apple Cinema Displays.

Posted by jodi at 10h12 | Permalink | Comments (6)

As you might have guessed, I did not complete NaNoWriMo this year. That made me sad. The first two years I participated, I completed it. And it felt great! But whatever it is that I need, in order to finish, I didn't have this time. That's why I was so delighted when Lara made this:

A NaNoWriMo losing badge! Now those of us who couldn't quite make it across the finish line and stick it to the running dude with his pencil! Right in the guts! Don't get me wrong, I love the NaNo, I donated money and bought t-shirts, same as every year. And I'll be back next year, raring to go. It really can be the most fun.

Also, it should be noted that Lara has started a new site called FreeWiFiCafes which you should all check out. She has a really good excuse for being a loser. A NaNo loser! Not a general overall loser. Which she's not. She climbs mountains for pete's sake. Big ones. In Africa and shit.

Also, I'd like to give a shout out to Christine, for finishing her novel. Way to go, xtine! You rule! Whoop! Whoop!

And finally, let it be known that it is SNOWING at my house! Hooray! It became more and more difficult not to watch the traffic cams, as the snow started to fall this afternoon. It was not sticking in Seattle, where I work. But it's sticking at my house. I might be working from home tomorrow. In my jammies. If so, you can all watch me do it on my webcam! Oh my god, how exciting would that be? So exciting. I look like this, while I work. A lot. Over and over. All day.

Posted by jodi at 17h18 | Permalink | Comments (5)