faster pussycat... type! type!

Before I tell you the story of the First Crazy Person I've Talked to in Ages, I need a bit of sanity check.

Let's say you ask a sales person at a local Best Buy if they will have any, oh, I don't know, Nintendo Wiis anytime soon and the following conversation takes place:

BBguy: Yes, 6 am Friday Morning!
You: 6 am?
BBguy: Yup, we'll have a whole bunch of them at 6 am on Friday.
You: So we'll be back at 6 am on Friday, thanks.

Would you then assume that they are opening at 6 am for some big sale, and that if you show up at 6 am you'll be able to enter the store and make purchases? Because we sure did. But maybe he just meant that he had to work at 6 am on Friday, and was scheduled to unpack the Wiis and place them on the shelves or something.

I've got half a mind to complain. If it weren't the fact that I had not even gone to bed yet, so it's not like I had to crawl out of a warm bed to come down to a dark shopping center at 6 am, I would. What we found were 3 other shoppers and two security guards. And a big huge sign on the building saying "Grand Opening Sale. Friday Nov. 30th and Sun. Dec. 2nd. Best Buy Presents Avril Lavine." ( I don't know how to spell her last name, and I don't care enough, about her, to look it up.) So we assumed it was for the big Grand Opening that they were opening at 6. It was 5:52 and the security guards told all five of us how to line up and then went back inside where it was warm. That should have been our first clue.

Here comes crazy! Third in line, all decked out in Canucks gear, he seemed to be unaware of societal norms of personal space. Namely mine. Sometimes its a fine line between "crazy" and "just really drunk." But something about this guy just screamed "perfectly sober."

Crazy: Hello! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Me: to you too!
Crazy: are you with that guy? (points to Wil)
Me: Yeah, that's my husband.
Crazy: Oh. I want to get married. Let me ask you something...
Me: What?
Crazy: Is he CRAZY?

He was referring to the fact that Wil was wearing a sweater and shorts, and it was very very cold out. But he had a cup of coffee in his hands and it was almost 6, so I'm sure he would have survived. I might be selling Crazy short, and he could have been referring to the fact that the sweater was striped but the shorts were plaid. Something I, too, thought was a bit odd when he put the ensemble together.

Crazy then went on to explain what he was there to buy, while the two people in front of us, and Wil, inched further away. He explained to me that his Xbox 360 was going to cost FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS because XBOXES WERE THE BEST AND THE WII SUCKS. I did not mention we were Playstation people.

In addition to getting married, Crazy wants to have kids.

Crazy: guess how many?
Me: I couldn't possibly.... how many.
Crazy: (holds up six fingers)
Me: Wow, six. That's a lot of kids.
Crazy: Know what I'd do with them?
Me: Oh god...
Crazy: I'd send 'em to Toronto.
Me: Ok.

It was all very benign until he found out that I was American. Crazy HATES America. It is bad, and we are bad people. And Bush is the worst.

Me: (backing away): hey... I don't like him either.
Crazy: I mean, why are we in that war anyway?
Me: oil?
Crazy: yeah, but why are WE, Canada in it? Hey man (pointing to Wil) why are we in it?
Wil: I don't know man, I'm not in anything.
Crazy (to Wil): do you know anything about Tazers? You know, shocking people?
Me: Awww, jeez, it's it after six? Excuse me? What time is the store going to open?
Security: 10
Me: WHAT? Not 6?
Wil: Let's go eat breakfast.

I was certain that guy was going to play Tazer the American.

Which is so much more fun on the Xbox 360 than on the Wii.

Posted by jodi at 21h26 | Permalink | Comments (6)

I mentioned, earlier, that I signed up for an online writing "intensive." It's kinda freaking me out, frankly. First of all, I'm expected to critique others? Seriously? I'm sure some part of my brain registered that fact before I signed up, but now that I am faced with the imminent fact, it's daunting. Critique how? I don't critique. I'm not a critiquer.

"Nice penmanship" doesn't really work in an online environment.

I'm having flashbacks to 12th grade AP English class. That class caused no end of stress and anxiety related stomach pains. (In fact, so ingrained in my psyche was the fact that stomach pains were associated with anxiety and stress, I lived with gal stone attacks for a year before going to the doctor. I just figured I was REALLY stressed.) All we did in that class was write. The goal was to be able to sit down and write a standard 5 paragraph, approximately 500 word, essay about any topic at a drop of a hat. And to do so well enough, in a big expensive test, that you could clep out of college hours of English credit.

Which I did.

So I suppose, for that, I owe AP English a "thank you." But I lived in constant fear of my teacher using my work as an example of what not to do. He seemed far more fond of examples of what not to do, in my memory. I never got any kind of extraordinary praise, so, therefore, it stood to reason that everything I did was crap. At best, mediocre crap. I never felt like I was up to the standards of that class.

And, ok, most of the time it was anonymous, but the peer critiques were merciless. Except for mine. They were non-existant. There was also the ultimate fear that he would put your paper on the overhead projector. God... even if it was anonymous, I think the blushing look of horror on my face would have given me away. Don't get me started on the times it was not anonymous.

For some it was intellectually stimulating, I suppose. Not for me.

Every day I would quiz my friends Julie and Holly what had happened in their 3rd period AP class, so I would know if I would need to find a miraculous way to be somewhere other than 5th period AP English. Or, better yet, just learn to be invisible.

So yeah, I'm in an online writing intensive and I'm a bit freaked out. And - double ack - my homework is due tomorrow!

Posted by jodi at 20h27 | Permalink | Comments (4)

Now comes the time of Christmas shopping. I have purchased one present so far. I actually purchased it months ago. I was so proud that I told everyone in the store IT WAS A CHRISTMAS PRESENT!! Can you believe that shit, I asked them. They could not.

I don't want to give away all our secrets, just in case. Now is a time of keeping secrets. Good and wholesome secrets that are revealed on December 25th. Or in our case, December 22nd, because that's when my family will be here. Suffice to say that Wil and I, WE are on the hunt for a particular present for his daughter. WE have looked everywhere where one would find this particular item. It's gotten to the point where WE have started asking various stores if they will ever have this item again. Best Buy said yes, come back Friday, at 6 am. And so WE shall.

But, if I see this item all over the place after I make a special six am trip down to Best Buy on Friday, I'm going to be seriously annoyed.

You know, WE aren't the ones who really need it. Santa does. WE are just doing him a favor. (Can I quit all capping WE now? Do you get my subtle hint?) Wil was teasing Jackson about what kind of presents she was going to get when we last visited her. She gave him some sass back that can only come from a child who has recently made it to double digits in age, and who knows full well that Santa doesn't exist (probably) but CHOOSES to kick Christmas old school.

"DaaAAd, YOU don't bring presents. SANTA does."

Awesome.

Posted by jodi at 19h33 | Permalink

I signed up for an online writing class, and since NaNo was a big FAIL for me this year, the NaNo cam is now the Watch Jodi Work On Her Homework, or Possibly Play Guitar Hero, Cam.

Posted by jodi at 17h50 | Permalink | Comments (2)

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Posted by jodi at 13h48 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Posted by jodi at 13h42 | Permalink | Comments (6)

I decided not to make a full thanksgiving dinner. It's so much work and I am the only one who would be into it. Next year, I'll just travel down to the states and have Thanksgiving dinner cooked by my mom. The way god intended me to have it.

I made homemade mac and cheese. I read that the average person consumes 4,000 calories per thanksgiving meal, so I thought I'd make a single dish that could give me all that in one serving. Saves time. I did, however, get the fixins to make myself a pumpkin pie. hee!

Gotta go make me some pie!

Happy Thanksgiving!

xoxo,

Jodi

Posted by jodi at 20h02 | Permalink | Comments (2)

With the arrival of Christmas marketing in the stores, comes the sad realization that some of my xmas shopping traditions will not be met this year. Chief among my favorites is the Gift Wrap Wonderland at the Container Store.

The Gift Wrap Wonderland at the Container Store is my Happy Place. Ever since it opened, shopping for my wrapping paper has become my favorite holiday shopping activity. It can take me a long time to chose the overall theme. You need to get two or three rolls in a corresponding theme and color scheme. Are you going to go bold and modern? Perhaps Bright red, white and silver? Perhaps you feel more renaissance era jewel tones? They've got it. Along with many matching tags, ribbon, bows and accessories.

It's wonderful!

Since I can't travel freely to the states right now, I've kept my eye out for this year's wrapping theme. Lo and behold a new Michael's opened up just down the street from me. Yesterday, I found three complimentary rolls of paper in muted, somewhat countrified, colors. Cute reindeers on one. Along with bows and ribbons, etc. It was no WONDERLAND, but I liked my selections. I showed them to Wil and told him he had to pretend to be interested because there was no one else around to admire my choices until my family comes to visit in December and sees their presents. I'm afraid he has to do that a lot.

Posted by jodi at 15h35 | Permalink | Comments (3)

I don't think I will be able to finish 50k by the end of November. Despite my best intentions, I have not involved myself in any local NaNo events, I feel quite apart from the fun. I've gone back and forth about this, in fact if you asked me 30 minutes ago, I was still trying to figure out how to finish. I even contemplated changing to an auto biography because if there is one thing I should be able to write about, with little or no research, quickly, it's my life. 50 thousand words divided by 40 years is 1250 words a year. Easy, right?

Nyah, I am just not interested in writing 50 thousand words about myself. 50 thousand more words. Someday I should figure out how many words I've written about myself on this blog. Damn site more than 50k, I'd reckon. I want to keep working on my mystery. It's just going very slowly. And I guess that's ok. As long as I keep working on it, I'm going to go ahead and give myself permission to work at my own pace. I've been struggling with one scene for many days, each and every word. This is not how you win NaNo, but it seems to be the way I am working this year.

Officially I'm blaming the loss on the fact that I still have not received my 2007 NaNoWriMo tshirt, despite the fact that it shipped on October 3rd. I'm a little sad that I'm giving up. I'm disappointed in myself, since I have all this time on my hands.

Well, bummer. Awww, Momo is giving me kisses on my feets to cheer me up. And, on the upside, I made some really yummy buttermilk mashed potatoes for dinner. So I've got that skill going for me. Which is nice.

Posted by jodi at 23h05 | Permalink | Comments (3)

to keep things exciting.

I'll be honest, I'm not sure how I feel about it. I've been wanting to go dark for a while. And it is by no means black. But it's darker than I expected, I think, and I still feel like 40 year old goth.

Posted by jodi at 14h00 | Permalink | Comments (7)

We just got back from a quick jaunt over to the island to see Wil's daughter and some of his friends.

You know, you reach a certain point in your life where you have to shell out BIG BUCKS to stay anywhere that rivals the comfort of your own home. We did not. It costs $125ish dollars just to travel back and forth on the ferry, if you take your car. We go cheap on the hotel. Even in really nice places, the bed is rarely more comfortable than the Most Comfortable Bed in the world. Bigger maybe, but not more awesome.

Now that we have the HD digital cable box/ DVR tivo wannabe thingy, we have lots of pretty cable channels. (my favorite is the biography channel) so hotels rarely have better tv. There is even porn on the Video On Demand, so nothing special in that unless the hotel room wants to give you FREE porn.

Now, what we don't have is a mini bar, but if we did we wouldn't have to pay $9 for a bottle of beer, so that's no real fun.

About the only thing you can give me I can't have in the comfort of my home is maid service. And possibly a jacuzzi jet tub with ocean view.

That's why, when we take our road trip over to Alberta and back this spring, we are going to stay here! The West Edmonton Mall (bigger than the mall of America people) Fantasyland Hotel. I'm leaning towards the Polynesian room because of the tub. Wil wants the Truck room. Too bad. No tub.

The point is, be it ever so humble, small and messy, it's good to home. The kittens missed us.

Posted by jodi at 19h11 | Permalink | Comments (2)

It was inevitable. Someday I was bound to leave the window down, after inputting car wash code at the kiosk, when I drove into the hands-free car wash.

Today was that day.

Posted by jodi at 17h15 | Permalink | Comments (7)

I had a dream with Henry Rollins in it the other night. In it, I had gone back to school. Or something schoolish, as it was actually made up of ex-coworkers from my previous P.O.E. Ex-bosses were teachers. Anyway, Henry came on a School Visit. He was treated as a Special Guest, but was going through the motions of attending class and whatnot. Basically we were hanging out with Henry Rollins. Which ruled. Henry was very annoyed however, to find out that we were to spend the afternoon watching The Music Man on dvd. But he was much cheered when I suggested we sit in the back and sing along. (WTF?) Anyway, I ended up being late for "class" because I fell down some stairs and sprained my ankle, had to go to the nurses office. Henry made someone give up their seat on the comfy couch for me because I was injured and then I woke up.

I am extremely disappointed. I would have loved to find out if Henry knew all the words to all the songs in The Music Man. Because I do.

Dreams are really only interesting to the people that have them.

Posted by jodi at 16h55 | Permalink | Comments (4)

I've put a lot of thought into this. Because in addition to having trouble writing, I'm having a lot of trouble sleeping. I am having zero trouble thinking, however. That's all I do.

Anyway, lot of thought and what I've come up with is this: as a writer, I have become flabby. As little as a year ago I was writing all the time. At work I wrote technical documentation, bug reports, hundreds of emails, a large percentage of what I did every day was written communication. Personally, I spent hours chatting, blogging and writing emails to friends. I was always writing.

Nowadays, I have a hard time writing a chatty email. I chat online with very few people. And I've become remiss at blogging. I could use my boring mundane life as an excuse, and maybe it's partially to blame, but even when things happen I don't blog them. My writing has become, dare I say it, flaccid. I can't get it up anymore.

I'm not giving up on Nano, tho I am woefully behind. Since there is no viagra for writing, I'm just going to have to keep plugging away at it, and this blog, and hope I get my muscles back.

Posted by jodi at 16h35 | Permalink | Comments (2)

In the United States, this is what we call "Smarties."

In Canada, they call them "Rockets." This is what they call "Smarties."

They are like M n' M's only, in my opinion, more sugary tasting. Don't try to get an m n' m blizzard at DQ in Canada, they don't have them. They have Smartie blizzards. In my opinion, they are two very separate candies. Smarties are not m n' m substitutes, they are their own experience.

Posted by jodi at 18h33 | Permalink | Comments (11)

Which is weird. I imagine it's because I use "ya'll."

Yankee or Dixie quiz.

Posted by jodi at 18h12 | Permalink | Comments (1)

I will now write 25 words in my Nano story between each smartie.

Ready...... GO!

Posted by jodi at 22h13 | Permalink | Comments (4)

I have a box of Smarties in my bag. Which I will open now, and separate into individual piles based on color and starting with the pile with the least number of smarties, and ending with the pile with the most, EAT THEM!!!

You want to know, don't you? Ok.
1. blue
2. purple
3. yellow
4. orange
5. brown
6. red
7. green
8. pink

Confession: I wish they were peanut butter m'n m's.

Posted by jodi at 22h09 | Permalink | Comments (2)

I've received compliments on the title of my story, so I think I should explain. It's not mine. It's a title of a Shivaree song which, along with "Goodnight Moon", helped inspire this need in me to write a mystery. My character's name is, therefore, Fiona Black and what happens is her own little mess to deal with - dead bodies, black mail, intrigue, things that make you wear something other than pajama pants and leave the house. Which is not something that happens to me a lot right now.

Here is the song and lyrics. I hope Shivaree doesn't mind. Buy their music. They rule. Have I ever posted "Goodnight Moon?" I can't remember, I cannot find it anywhere on the blog.

"Little Black Mess" by Shivaree

I should try to be good
Forever and ever, amen
So I'll touch wood
And hope I don't get caught again
Without my lines
And off the mark
Looking for signs
I can't see here in the dark
My opening won't be a great success
Till you come get me out of
This little black mess

I'll play my part
And say never ever again
Then cross my heart
Cry until you say when
A little cheat while you turn away
Things we repeat one more time
Day after day
I've lost my appetite so nonetheless
It fits like a glove now
My little black mess

Who's to say if we'll know
When it's time for this old thing to go

And so if I'm good
Could you forgive how I've been?
You misunderstood
Now if you'd just let me begin
To put on my face
I'll put on the room
Go take my place
One more time
Then we can resume
It's true I'm sure to die out here unless
You come help me out of
This little black mess

Posted by jodi at 21h52 | Permalink

Since we have channels that broadcast in the EST on our cable, I have already watched Bones and House and it's not even 9pm. (I only like shows that are one word nouns. And have SCIENCE in them. Science is cool.)

So my feuvision dvd is on, and so is my nanocam. Maybe you can see the fire burning in the background. Très réaliste! I want to break 5k tonight. Which would put me exactly 5k + 2 words behind schedule. I've got to work out a better system for my day.

I think that if I had marshmallows and butter, I would easily break 5k. I have the rice krispies already. I have the technology.

Posted by jodi at 20h52 | Permalink | Comments (1)

I'm behind. I've been behind since day 2. I don't want to talk about how far behind I am. Let's see where the day takes us.

I've turned the Nanocam on, but before too long I am going to need to go and put the pork chops in the oven. Mmmmm... pork chops.

We just returned from Costco where I bought something I've wanted for years. A DVD of a fire in a fireplace. No, I am not kidding. I don't have a fireplace, but I love them. And really, what is a writing environment without a crackling fire, this time of year? No, it does not give off heat, but the heat vent is right below my feet, if I really need it. It may sound weird, but the fact that the television is occupied with something makes it less of a temptation to turn it on and watch it.

As a bonus my Feuvision came bundled with Eauvsion and a Hivervision. Each one comes with the same selection of Jazz, Ambient, Classical, and Holiday Traditional music on it. The fireplace comes with fireplace sounds. The winter dvd comes with winter sounds, whatever they may be. But the fish tank comes with ocean sounds. Which is a bit disappointing because I think I'd rather have fish tank noises. However, the scenes change, and it's not always a tank, but sometimes fish in a more natural environment. We have the fish on right now. The ocean sounds were not enough to mask the music coming from Wil's headphones (he's going to go deaf I swear) so I am actually listening to the sound of thunderstorms on my headphones.

It's a variable potpourri of nature sounds, I'll tell you what.

I'm saving the fire for after dark.

Posted by jodi at 15h38 | Permalink | Comments (2)

Title: Little Black Mess

Turns out, I'm writing a mystery. Who knew? Certainly not me. I didn't write those words, I bled them. Slowly. Over hours of torture. But at least I got started and that seemed to be the hard part this time.

Posted by jodi at 20h30 | Permalink | Comments (4)

I've written roughly 230 words, but they have not been easy words. And I don't like them.

I'm thinking of taking that "Jodi is very very very very very very cute," story idea for myself.

Posted by jodi at 15h01 | Permalink | Comments (1)

I thought I would turn my webcam on while I wrote this afternoon. As you may, or may not, know, the daily average, to reach 50,000 by November 30th is 1667 words.

Wil got up early and did 1741 words. I'm very proud of him. His story is all about how cute I am and how much he loves me. No, it's not. Although, I am sure it would be trés facile to write 50 thousand words on my cuteness. (Jodi is very very very very very very cute. I love her very very very very much. Because she is cute like the following: a butterfly, a kitten, a puppy, a swan, a dolphin, a baby, a baby bunny, a baby deer, a baby duck, a baby baby, oh did I mention baby already?)

I'm feeling apprehensive about my story because I do not have one yet. I have a feeling that the first 8,000 words might be my main character talking to herself. I might feel more positive had my 2007 NaNoWriMo shirt arrived. It shipped weeks ago. I don't understand why it has to take SO LONG for items to ship from the States to Canada. We are like thisclose to each other.

Ah, well. I'm stalling. I've done dishes, I've read every blog known to webkind, I've read all my emails, including the junk mail. I turned on the webcam. I guess I'd better just get start.

Posted by jodi at 12h47 | Permalink | Comments (1)