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second prize is a set of steak knives

where was i? oh yeah, portland. my life is so exciting.

nice hotel, uberfirm bed. i don't know why i don't like firm beds. everyone else loves them. good for their backs, they say. but they hurt me. i think parts of me get too squished between other parts of me and the bed. i like to get on a bed and then gently float down to the mattress.

monday for some reason, lance decided to display a work ethic and made us show up at 6 am. i'd slept less than two hours. and when i met him in the lobby, i hated him. so i told him that. but, on the way, we stopped at mcdonald's and it was a macdonald's that served dr pepper instead of the insipid mr. pibb. so i got an egg mcmuffin AND a dr pepper from one place. NICE! it's the little things, you know. and they had donuts when we arrived. the security guy gave us some key to some room we knew nothing about, but we took it anyway, because who knows what they store in that room? long story short, it took me 7 hours to get the laptop online and connected to our inner sanctum. so i could get work email and such. i talked to babytechs, had lunch with a senior tech. and they have dr. pepper in the fountain at their cafe. their little cafe is ten times better than ours.

i was bound and determined to eat dinner at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. i had heard it was good, but expensive. i've never been there. but you know there is nothing i like better than steak! since i had a food allowance, i wanted to use it to fulfill this dream. the restaurant was ten "portland" blocks from our hotel. [that's what the desk clerk said. portland blocks.] which means tiny. i had a cocktail that included vodka and orange juice. but orange juice from blood oranges. it was called a blood drop or something. ewwww. i was extremely quenched when i got to the restaurant, drank two glasses of water before we even saw our waiter. the vodka in that drink was high quality shit, man. i didn't even taste it. so i gulped that drink down like it was juice. on an empty stomach. BAMF! i'm more than a little buzzed. [yes, i'm a light weight. i'm a cheap date. except for the whole liking expensive steak part.] lance and evildeb had cocktails as well as wine. so the evening just became more and more delightful as it went on. before our meal was delivered, someone placed a creme bruile in front of me. i thought i had hit the jackpot. i told everyone to shush. but our waiter noticed and they took it away from me. i had the best damn ribeye steak i've ever had. they broil it in some kind of 1800 degree broiler and bring it to you on a plate heated to 500 degrees. everything was awesome, the drinks, the steak, the potatoes and the dessert. i ate more that night than i ate in the previous weekend, in its entirety. walked back to the hotel and i had two more drinks. i really wanted to sleep. i had more to drink than i normally do. i was ready to flop down on the bed and sleep. no go. damn it. why can't i drink until i pass out?

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McMurder, whoops, I mean McDonalds is gross. Yuck Yuck Yuck. I'm gonna go make myself some scrambled tofu with soybean margerine and drink a big glass of chocolate soymilk. Yum! Maybe after that I'll make some delicious vegan cookies for Jess and Stacy. I think I'm going to get the word "Animal" tattooed on one wrist and the word "Liberation" tattooed on the other. What do you think? Muwahahahahaha

Maureen's Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies (page 183 of GOV)
After years of begging and pleading, Maureen finally caved and gave us her top secret and most amazing cookie recipe. Lucky you, lucky us!! Make these for all occasions.

3/4 cup flour
1/2 cup sweetener
2 cups rolled oat flakes
1/2 tsp each of baking soda, baking powder, salt
1/3 cup soft tofu or 1/2 banana
1/3 cup olive oil
1/2 cup maple syrup
1 tbsp vanilla extract
1 - 1/2 cups chocolate chips (or carob chips)

Preheat oven to 350*. In a large bowl, stir together the flour, sweetener, rolled oats, baking soda, baking powder and salt. In a blender or food processor, blend together the tofu, oil, maple syrup, and vanilla. Pour tofu mixture into flour mixture and stir. Add the chocolate chips and stir until well incorporated. Spoon a heaping tablespoon of dough onto cookie sheet and press flat with your fingers. Bake for 12-15 minutes or until edges are browned. Makes 10-14 cookies, depending on size.