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14 décembre 2008

Measure my booty.

The Greater Vancouver Region has a very strong Blogging/ Social Media community, which is great. I didn't know of such a community in Seattle. In fact, I never knew any other bloggers in Seattle, sadly. I'm listed on a uberlist of bloggers in Seattle*, that's as close as I came to knowing other bloggers. So even though I considered myself a Seattle blogger, of course, I have never really considered myself a Community Blogger. I blog about myself. So I'm very impressed with the community here in the GVR.

The other day, I was mentioning to Wil that our friends, Airdre and Kerry Anne, won Favorite Audio/ Video Podcast for their excellent beauty podcast, Lipgloss and Laptops, in the Best of 604. Very well deserved. He asked me why I didn't win an award. Which is sweet, don't you think? In addition to not really being heavily involved of this community, it's quite simple. This is not my blog's heyday.

Oh, it's true. I know it. You may or may not know it. Blogs, like everything, have and ebb and flow. I think that once I quit my job, my blog started to ebb. Or maybe it's flowing. I'm not sure. Either one. Man, you should have caught me sometime in 2004 or 2005. I was rocking the blogging.

I'm ok with this. It's understandable really. If my life were one of those Family Circus cartoons, where they show what Billy or Jeffy did all day, everywhere they went, it would show little Jodi footprints running from my apartment, to the Safeway half a block away. And back. Occasionally, you'd see little feet running further down the block to the bank or London Drugs. But your chances of blog fodder decrease greatly if you never leave a 3 block radius.

Nonetheless, I did recently win two nice awards. One from Captain Dumbass of Us and Them, who lives here in the Greater Vancouver Region.

Booty

Hee! He said "booty." One day, Captian Dumbass and I will run into each other when we are both wearing our Bad Monkey shirts. I certainly hope we aren't compelled to fling poo.

And another from a former coworker, although I didn't know him at the time, Good Father.

Measures Up

It's too bad he wasn't blogging back in the days when I was at my POE. (And we didn't know each other) We could have had Blogging Lunches. Booked a conference room on the 2nd floor, right next to Central Services, with it's free soda and candy jar. Remember that kid, the mail guy, who one time dyed those kick ass flames into his hair? His name escapes me, because I'm horrible with names. It starts with a "D." He's worked there about 20 years by now, I figure. I hope he's still there. And the last big formal Christmas party we had, right before the dot com bust? We had different international themed rooms for the dinners. Oh man, I got DErunk that year. I did it for Evildeb. She was pregnant with AlmostCertainlyGoingToEndUpEvilMaggie, and was sad she could not "party."

Anyhoo, I like these awards. They are übercomments from two readers saying "I like you. Or at least your blog." And that's all the reward I really need. ** I know that one day my blog will cease to ebb and start to flow again.

* I suppose I should remove myself, but I'm not gonna. I still consider myself a Seattle blogger. I'm just... North of Seattle, is all. Very very north.
** ok, I suppose all awards are really saying that.

22 août 2008

Something Evil This Way Comes

Readers come and readers go, and I realize a lot of you may not have been around when I was still working at the former P.O.E., so you may not understand the repercussions, ramifications, consequences and such of what I am about to tell you.

Evildeb is on her way up to Vancouver as we speak. Gird your loins, people! As Stanley Tuccii would say.

I don't know about you, but I'm excited.

29 mai 2008

Feel the pretty, Mushy Shorts!

I'm worried that Evildeb does not know about the Gorgeous Tiny Chicken Machine Show. It's everything she would like. I worry about her, out there in the world, without me.

This one has Wil Wheaton.

17 août 2007

Evildeb is coming to visit me next weekend..

and it's going to look exactly like this!

15 août 2007

I'm bored and need a hobby

Evildeb suggested scrimshaw. I had to look that up in a dictionary. I don't think it's something I would enjoy. I think the harvesting of whale bone would upset me.

Any suggestions? And don't say housekeeping, because I tried that and I suck at it.

2 août 2007

Evildeb sent this to me - she said it cheered her immensely

It appears to be a game. In which bears cause you to rub your crotch. Your guess is as good as mine.

3 avril 2007

Interior Decorating with EvilDeb

Jodi: someone sent me a picture of Brittany Spear's va-jay-jay
» in the email.
» it would appear that i was BRITTANY herself.
» who sent it to me.
EvilDeb: what!?
» her what?
Jodi: her va-jay-jay
EvilDeb: oh!!!
» her hoo haha
» is it shaved?
» or
» do the drapes match the carpet
» as they say
Jodi: yes, it is. there are no drapes
» no drapes
EvilDeb: there's no carpet
» no carpet
Jodi: wait
» ok
» hardwood floor
» hahahaha
» hardwood
EvilDeb: that doesn't make sense unless she's transgendered
» and I'm not saying she's not
Jodi: ok. linoleum?
» there is NO CARPET
EvilDeb: and no drapes anymore
» so they match
» or
» she's moving out
» there's nobody home
» are the lights on?
Jodi: i don't think so.
EvilDeb: Lloyd wants you to blog it but I don't think you should

22 mars 2007

I'll take what I can get, fodder-wise

IM with EvilDeb, whom I'm sure you all miss as much as I do.

Jodi: so, for some reason, i am reading some archives in my blog
Jodi: it is obvious to me that my blog is suffering due to my no longer having daily contact with you.
Jodi: you are good fodder
EvilDeb: actually I'm a mudder

15 janvier 2007

Everything is better with kittens, people.

Evildeb hates me. Actually, she just resents me. She was discussing one of the more frustrating aspects of my former job with Dr. Stevil and KK, when I chatted her ... the fact that I don't have to talk about this subject, or deal with it, makes her resent me. It is somewhat upsetting, but understandable, because she is evil and tends to feel things at a more intense level than the rest of us non-evil people. I think she just misses me. I miss her too. Apparently I left some stuff behind, so I'm going to have to stop by soon.

After a lot of thought, about two weeks at least, I've decided to clean the kitchen first. The kitchen, office and bedroom have to be clean before the family room, dining room and bathroom can really be picked up. Stuff has migrated all over the house and there is no place to put anything away. I described it as "teenage girl bedroom chaos dirty, but over the entire house," to my stepmom. Anyway, I was making good progress until a song from the musical episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer came on my iTunes shuffle. Then I found myself sitting down to watch season 7, which I never watched on disc, and so had missed all the commentary and special features. I have all the seasons on dvd now because I bought myself this a few months back:



It's so pretty. I gave all my single seasons I did own to my cousin. The best part is, I think I finally have Wil primed to watch BtVS. He's a big Firefly and Serenity fan, so he knows the genius of Joss. Got him hooked on Veronica Mars, so I know he can accept the premise of kick ass teenage girls who solve problems while wearing cool clothes. I'm looking forward to sharing Buffy with him.

ok... back to cleaning... i know... quit stalling.

5 janvier 2007

I rode the bus yesterday

I rode the bus yesterday. There, I said it twice. So it must be true. It is true. I know... I know... I hate the bus and public transportation confuses me. In fact, hanging out online and plotting my bus course took up most of my day yesterday. I carefully wrote down, in my little moleskin, each of the three buses I would need to take. What direction they would be heading, when they approached me, and even on which side of the street the bus would stop. And no, my IQ is quite firmly planted well into the triple digits, thank you very much. It's just that I'm a driver. With the exception of traffic, I love to drive. I sometimes take the 9pm ferry home from Victoria, knowing that will put me on the US freeway about 11pm, free and clear to drive and think and sing for two hours.

However, I was meeting some friends for dinner and drinks, and they wanted to buy me "hey, congratulations on quitting your job you bum" drinks. Being unemployed, I cannot refuse free anything. Most anything. But I'm terribly terribly prissy when it comes to drinking and driving. As in, I just won't do it. So I thought, why not get out of the house, and meet your fellow man on the bus? So I used the route planner and 10 to three pm, I was off. iPod in my ears, I started walking down streets in my neighborhood I've never walked in the 20+ years this house has been in the family. Weird.

My most reverent wish was that I would meet some real characters on the bus. I have never NOT seen something bizarre, or had something stupid happen, when I ride the bus. Like the time Lloyd, Evildeb and I tried to ride the bus to an art festival. While the driver's head was turned, Evildeb fed the bus pass given to us by our POE into the dollar bill slot, so it would be "read." It jammed the whole machine, and she had to drive down to the Metro office days later to pick up the pass. Oh the mass confusion as the driver explained to each new passenger that he would have to take the dollars by hand. Good times.

But the truth is, nothing happened. No one did or said anything, smelled any particular way, expelled any bodily fluids, or performed any grooming rituals, that were at all out of the ordinary. And I just sat and listened to music and read my book.

And this story sums up my current fears. Is my world running out of blog fodder?

19 décembre 2006

Trees fall down and go boom.

The bandwidth hasn't been the only issue to impede my blogging. Friday's 50 Word Fiction was preempted due to the BIG STORM. And, believe me when I say this storm deserves all caps. It started Thursday afternoon. It took me an hour and 45 minutes to get home Thursday night. I might have made some tactical errors, navigationally speaking. But not so much that it should cost me an hour and 45 minutes. I was driving down Lk. Washington Blvd watchings sheets of water just poor off the cars around me. Those parked looked dangerously close to being stranded due to flooding, so I can only imagine what I was driving through. Torrents were rolling down the hill from Lakeside Dr. It was insane. That night the wind howled it sounded like logs were being dropped on my roof. In reality, they were only large branches, but they sound worse coming down.

My power went out on Thursday night. When I woke up Friday morning, I took a quick shower in the dark, and went out to make a path on my driveway. I know I've mentioned the ginormous pine tress in my yard before. I had enough to make five separate xmas trees. Then I left for work.

My neighborhood looks, and still looks, like a war zone. It was completely powerless. Not just my subdivision, but all the main streets and business as well. As it turns out, over 1.1 Million People lost power. My first route to the freeway was blocked by a large tree. Last night, I came down that road, it's still closed to incoming traffic, and crews are still working. It's right next to a large forested park. It took me over 25 minutes to even reach the freeway. It's usually about 3 minutes. Once on there I sat and sat and sat and sat. Barely moving. Finally I found out, on the radio, that my bridge to Seattle, the 520, was closed. I gave up. 45 minutes later, I made it back home.

It was too cold, and I wasn't the only one who did not make it in from the Eastside, so I said screw it, there is heat in the rental car, let's head up to Mt. Vernon and pick up Lola. A thousand bucks later I was heading up to Canada, which was well powered and heated.

When I got home Sunday night, I had power, but many around me did not. Evildeb does not. In fact, a tree fell through the roof of AlmostCertainlyGoingToEndUpEvilMaggie's bedroom in the middle of night. No one was hurt. Evildeb spends some time at the local Tully's, which has coffee beverages and free wi-fi. She said she was listening to a woman who has been told she may not have power until after Christmas. They are hoping to get their power back tonight or tomorrow, depending on if there is any damage done to their house by the tree. I mean, besides the roof. They have a wood burning stove and a gas water heater. So they are ok. But the entire Evil family is out of clean underpants. It's insane how much damage this storm caused. We may be declared a disaster area. If they saw my yard, they'd have no question. I will try to take a picture before Ron comes back to town and starts trying to clean it up.

26 septembre 2006

After my meeting, some words and phrases you will not hear me use in coversation

1. infastructure
2. core operating plan
3. strategic operating plan
4. execute
5. ops plan
6. deliverables
7. engagement level
8. actionable
9. margin analysis
10. aggressive timeline.

Most of them have no meaning for me. However, someone answered Evildeb's question today, wanted to make sure she was "aligned with reality" and I can see that coming in handy now and then.

17 août 2006

Oh, me, please. I shall consume them with gravy and the butter of peanuts.

Technology is a wonderful thing, kids. Less than a week after my return from Canada, I've already replaced my birth certificate [over the internet, rush order] and driver's license. I'm headed back up to Victoria this weekend. KK and Evildeb have made me promise to keep my id on my person at all times.

I was talking to Evildeb about coming up to Victoria with me, sometime, meeting Wil.
Me: you love to go places, it would be fun.
Evildeb: yeah, but I hate meeting people so there's a slight hitch in your plan
Me: i know you do. but, i'll take you to big bad johns and you'll have cocktails. and eat peanuts and throw the shells on the floor. and lloyd, wil and i will handle being social, until you are drunk.
Evildeb: peanuts!! how long does it take to get there? can we go now?!
Me: uhh... depends on which route you take. it's the peanuts that swayed you? you were like "oh no... not new people" until i mentioned peanuts. it's not even the booze... it's peanuts.
Evildeb: it gives you something to do with your hands
Me: The peanuts make you happy because you'll have something to do with your hands? Deb, sometimes I love you. I don't mean that in a lesbian way.
Evildeb: I disagree

So, if ya'll ever want to meet Evildeb, and you know you do, bring something she can play with. She's very shy and demure. And also the apparent lesbian love of my life.

15 août 2006

Thanks to Joannie...

I have named my new computer at work: Persephone - Part Time Queen of the Underworld. Persephone has the coolest job. Part time Queen of the Underworld, and also in charge of Spring!

Ok, for those of you who are wondering what Evildeb is up to, besides no good, an Evil Family story. You probably know that I consider AlmostCertainlyGoingToEndUpEvilMaggie to be one of the greatest kids on this planet. At five, she likes to collect bugs, knows all about snakes and is planning on being a Crime Scene Investigator when she grows up. She likes science and blood does not scare her because she sees it all the time. The same cannot be said for monsters. The other day, when discussing matters of anatomy with her mother, AlmostCertainlyGoingToEndUpEvilMaggie referred to the labia as "the lady butt." Men have penises, women have lady butts. Labia ---> Lady butt, I can see how that would happen. Had I been sipping a beverage when Evildeb told me that, it would have come out my nose. That kid is priceless!

This prompted a discussion about what we called male and female genitalia when we were little. I called penises flowers. Boys had flowers. Girls had them too, but they were on the inside. Flowers. That's pretty cute. But not as good as lady butt.

12 juillet 2006

Here is the only part of Vegas that is not going to stay in Vegas

Well, in answer to your questions, the spa trip was pretty dang fabulous. And pretty dang expensive. I'm sorry to say I wasted a bit more money on slots than I planned to. Or wanted to. I'm usually pretty careful about that. But my luck was poor and the money went too quickly.

We ate lots of food, but the best meal was at the Red Square, in Mandalay Bay. Russian restaurant with lovely plush red velvet booths and over 160 different types of vodka. I had a drink that tasted like key lime pie and had graham cracker crust around the rim of the glass. And beef stroganoff. It was heavenly. Evildeb drank an entire vodka flight by herself. Which was four shots of different types of vodka in a square block of red ice. She is going to tell you that I was druuuuunk. And maybe I got drunk first [that night] but she got drunker, continued to drink and so stayed drunker. She'll deny it, but trust me, I switched to diet cokes after three drinks.

Another place I like, in Manadaly Bay, is Rum Jungle. They have one of my favorite drinks ever, Rum Jungle Juice. It's next door to the Red Square and we started there. I made Evildeb write down the ingredients to the Rum Jungle Juice and made her promise to figure it out. How to make it. Mandalay Bay is pretty much my favorite casino place on the strip, tho I've never actually stayed there. Yet.

The spa was amazing. I'm ashamed of how much money I spent there. Actually, I'm ashamed of how much I spent in general. But at least at the spa, it was worth it. We basically spent most of Saturday and Sunday in the spa. Until about 3:30. Saturday we spent some time out by the pool, then got dressed and went to the strip. Sunday, we skipped the pool, got dressed up and went straight to the strip. And the drinks. With me, and vegas, it's all about the shoes. And comfort. Because there is a ton of walking. But I actually wore my red heels. Can't say I'm going to do that again. But it was fun.

In answer to your questions, here is what a chocolate body treatment is. They scrub you down with some cocoa exfoliation type sugar scrub. It smells delicious. Then you rinse off and they massage some moisturizing chocolate soufflé lotion into you. Also delicious. You smell chocolatey good when it's done. Evildeb had a similar thing, but with Mandarin Orange flavor.

Over the course of one weekend, in various treatments, my hands and feets were exfoliated and massaged with moisturizer three times, in various flavors, and wrapped in plastic and inserted into warm booties twice. From the elbows down, and the shins down, I am extra super soft with extremely new skin. As opposed to the rest of me which is just super soft with extremely new skin. And my nails are painted a color called Hot Blood Red.

Can't beat that, can you?

7 juillet 2006

Whooooosh

Sorry I've been a bad blogger. No time to chat now. Packing my suitcase. Then it's off to pick up Evildeb and whooooooosh... to the spa.

More later... maybe. Of course I'm taking my laptop. But I can't very well blog when I am out by the pool in 100+ degrees hellish sunshine, can I? My poor baby would melt. Not to mention what it's going to do to me.

22 juin 2006

Let's go fill your tummy up with sugary niblets, okay?

Yesterday, we had a Company Meeting. It was two hours, but I made it about 47 minutes. And then I died. I don't know what they expected to happen when they talked about financial for over 10 minutes.

After the C.M., we had a BBQ outside in the courtyard. Of course. Don't you do that at your P.O.E.? I had chicken, it was all very nice, and a good time was had by all. Afterwards, however, my stomach felt very rumbly. And not in a good way. You have to understand, I can eat just about anything. That doesn't mean I will, but I really don't have digestive issues. Not even with Taco Bell. Considering I had my gall bladder out about 12 years ago, that's pretty cool. A lot of people have issues with certain foods after. Especially cheese and other high fat foods. Not me. I love the high fats!

Jodi: soemthing is making my tummy rumbly. not like ... in a good way.
Evildeb: interesting
Jodi: i can feel my guts.
Jodi: it's weird.
Jodi: it's like... my guts are ALIVE!!!
Evildeb: maybe your guts are trying to tell you something
Jodi: well, it's not "feed me" wouldn't it be cool if i had PSYCHIC GUTS?
Evildeb: I'm not sure

Evildeb wasn't feeling too hot after the BBQ either, and we briefly entertained a fantasy that everyone would get food poisoning and have to go home early. But the truth is, we didn't eat the same things. So it was probably just our poor attitudes making us queasy. I asked KK and she felt fine. So I explained to her about the possibility of my guts being psychic

KK: psychic guts?
Jodi: yes, and even now they are trying to tell me something.
KK: and they see the future?
Jodi: Well, no. I mean, they don't have eyes, KK. They are guts. Sheesh. It's more like they intuit things.
KK: don't they use chicken guts to tell the future in voo-doo?
Jodi: Why, I believe they do! And I had chicken at lunch! I have PSYCHIC VOODOO CHICKEN GUTS IN ME!
KK: that's it... you've come down with PSYCHIC VOODOO CHICKEN GUTS!

If only I could figure out what my Psychic Voodoo Chicken Guts were trying to tell me.

9 juin 2006

I'm going to take your brain out of your head and wash it and scrub it and make it clean.

Mornin' internet buddies!

My P.O.E. is very generous with the PTO. [Personal Time Off] I enjoy saving it up and looking at my balance, reveling in the fact that I could take three weeks off if I wanted to. Or I could get really sick. One of the two. But, as much fun as that is, I've decided it might be MORE fun to use some of it here and there. I also decided that it would be fun to get a massage today*. And then I thought... hey, why not go ahead and get a body scrub/moisturizing treatment? As long as you getting a massage? So it's off to the nekkid lady spa for me! Evildeb is leaving work early to join me. But before you get too excited, our differing "procedures" are scheduled in such away that we won't be spending too much time together naked. And we prefer it that way.

* Last Saturday I cleaned and cleaned. Seriously. Those of you who have been in my car in the past ... oh... two years would be shocked at it now. I had 3 other people, besides myself, in it on Sunday. Anyway, I cleaned and cleaned and I was a little sore in the back on Monday when I made this plan. I'm not anymore, but I might be doing some more chores tomorrow, so I thought a massage might loosen me up, stretch me out, get me ready for cleaning. Right?

8 juin 2006

Hey man, now you are really living.

Sunday was a big day for the GWEMAC. Busy day, much to do, many things planned. I'll start with the last thing first, since it really was my favorite. Except for maybe the Cock Dishes part, mostly because I do so love to laugh, but I'll explain that later. Rounding out our day was the Eels Show at the Showbox.

If you know me, you know I don't really like crowds, and I don't like strangers in my personal space. So, when I tell you that next time I see the Eels, I plan on wearing less restrictive, more breathable, clothing, comfortable shoes, my hair up, and no heavy handbag so I can GIT UP FRONT AND ROCK, you'll understand how much I enjoyed the show.

We arrived after Eels took the stage, because of the aforementioned busy day. I think, that my favorite part was the Security Guy. He's our New Boyfriend. Technically, KK called him first, but going to the show was my idea, so I think we'll have to split him. Tessa and Louise are out of luck unless they want to fight us for him. I don't know what his name is, but at first I thought he really was just stage security guy, he was a big musclely guy with a shaved head, biker glasses and mutton chops, tattoos and a black tshirt that said SECURITY on it. But then he started to dance. During some songs, he would just stand there, with his arms crossed over his chest, looking out on the audience. Often he would say some kind of non-sequitor in between songs. However, when he started to dance, he really got into it, it was awesome. The dancing sometimes had a theme. One time, he was martial arts dancing. Another, he was boxing and while dancing. Sometimes he sang, and sometimes he played an instrument. But then he'd just go back to standing there. Between songs, he would call the lights up, and E would point people out to him. He'd snap on a new rubber glove and start hi-fiving the people that E pointed out. Once, he very gingerly brought up a heckler guy, being very careful and courteous, and then he bum rushed him off the other side of the stage.

All in all, a great show. E sang a Screamin Jay Hawkins song and you can't go wrong with that. I'll talk about the rest of the day later.

Ok, today is Lloyd and Evildeb's 21st wedding anniversary. Everyone say Happy Anniversary to them.

1 juin 2006

Detoxing my brain

In July, Evildeb and I are going away to the spa. Like... AWAY away. We are going here. Going away for a spa weekend is something I've always wanted to do. I'm a spa junky. It's true.

Anyway, the reason I am telling you this right now is because I am going through the menu of my spa options, and I think I might need to have the Chocolate Delight Body Treatment. "exfoliating rich chocolate meringue; hydrating Swiss chocolate mousse with shea butter and vitamins."

I need that. Right?

31 mai 2006

Do ants have genitalia? Evildeb wants to know...

Mortality has claimed another insect victim. Today I found Daren dead... at the bottom of the habitat. Gus and Tyree are still not getting along, and can stand for several seconds, just staring at each other, waiting for the other one to back down. I think the larger Tyree is very tolerant of the smaller, but pushier, Gus. He could probably eat his head for lunch. Bastian has shown talent as a contortionist and held a pose for over a minute that I was sure would damage his head. Except, it turned out that was his butt.

Rochelle just stands at the top of the gel mountain, waving her antennae at us, merrily. She's such a sweetheart.

22 mai 2006

Children, your performance was miserable. Your parents will all receive phone calls instructing them to love you less now.

I had a perfectly pleasant weekend, I hope the rest of you did as well. I went to the University District Street Fair with Evildeb and AlmostCertainlyGoingToEndUpEvilMaggie. I was planning on taking pictures of her to show you how cute and adorable Potential Evil can be. But she was not in a good mood. She was, as her own mother said, a "street fair loser" yesterday. She wanted no balloon sculpture. She poo-poohed the idea of face painting. She refused all matter of food, healthy and very much not healthy. She was dragging her feet. And flat out refused to have her picture taken. Now, I am not one to steal the soul of anyone unwilling to sacrifice it to my digital camera, so I really don't have many pictures. She did allow me to take one when we were both sitting in the swing chairs. It's still on my camera, I'll have to see if it is any good. Evildeb finally got a hot dog in her, and she started pepping up on the way home. In the car. Too bad.

Now the Evil family, Evildeb A.C.G.T.E.U.E.Maggie and Lloyd, are on a plane, on their way down to San Diego for the week. Head's up, Marie!!

Other than that, I bought new tennis shoes, got my brows done, did a little laundry and played some sims. That's about it. Not too exciting. I'll try to do better next weekend.

My new sneakers have PURPLE in them! They are, apparently, for running. But we know I don't do that. I'm planning to walk in them. You think that's ok? Shhhh, don't tell anyone.

3832-280206-P

6 mai 2006

PROXOMITRON is the true DECIDER

Tomorrow is Evildeb's birthday. Lately, she has started referring to herself as PROXOMITRON THE DECIDER. in all caps. First, it was just THE DECIDER, most likely because she felt that Bush was mistaken about who the real DECIDER was. But now, it's PROXOMITRON. When she refers to herself as PROXOMITRON, it's in the third person. As in "PROXOMITRON is not pleased."

I hope PROXOMITRON is pleased with the birthday present I got her. I think she will be. I can't tell you what it is right now, because she is in an all day computer class, growing increasingly more bored by the moment, and there is a slight chance she'll read my blog because of it. I think the name PROXOMITRON came out of this class, she's been attending every MWF and this one S, for the last couple of weeks.

I'm going over to Evildeb's house for dinner. She is going to cook me some meat. Some cow meat. Since I started this diet, I haven't had been eating a lot of meat. Not just red meat, any meat. Mostly because I don't cook. And since I am no longer allowed to get my meals through my car window, my normal source for cooked flesh, it just doesn't come up very often. I'm practically a freakin' vegetarian! And that will never do. I stopped by the Evil Household the other night to pick something up, and I almost snatched AlmostCertainlyGoingToEndUpEvilMaggie's dinner right off her plate. Chicken nuggest. [She wouldn't have cared, she was too busy running through the house naked, clutching a large plastic shark and yelling 'INCOMING!' ] So she is going to have some kind of ocean meat, and I get grilled beast. I'm soooooo looking forward to it. Mmmmm... steak.

If you know what's good for you, you will wish PROXOMITRON THE DECIDER happy birthday tomorrow. God only knows what will happen if she does not feel the love.

3 avril 2006

I have a cough medicine hangover.

I am back at work, but I'm not all that happy about it. It's one thing to be feeling pretty good while you are lying around watching crappy tv. It's not quite the same when you are at work. I was gifted this disease by Paco, at least that's what Evildeb says. And she's done a great deal of internet research to prove it to him, so who am I to argue? He is still out. He was out all last week. So I think I got off pretty easy, all things considered.

Anyway, I have lots of email to catch up on, so I leave you with this, Clerks 2 trailer.

link via Blogography.

14 mars 2006

Evildeb's trip to Reno

Evildeb and Lloyd just returned from Reno Nevada, where Lloyd fenced in a tournament. This is her report.

Well, I took my camera but when I tried to take a picture I discovered that I’d removed the disk.

So, I took the attached pictures with my phone. The view from our window was very pretty, especially because it snowed at night and made everything look nice. I wish the pics were better. You can Photoshop them with your minds to get a better idea.
Viewfromhotel1-2
Viewfromhotel2-1

Summary of our trip: I won $100 by sitting down at a slot machine at which some (most likely inebriated) person had left 400+ credits.
A man (either crazy or on serious drugs) said I was hot, then that I was a Goddess, then (when we saw him later on an escalator) told Lloyd to hold onto me because I was cute. Then we saw him again outside so he said I was hot again.
Another “man” in his teens/early twenties, snorted at me (as in, like a pig) because I “looked” at him. But, since it was 3 to 1 in favor of my being hot, I decided the guy that snorted had a chip on his shoulder and that the odds were in favor of my being “hot”.
I won a bunch of doodads on the midway at Circus Circus. Because on the midway, everyone is a winner.
We saw an acrobatic Jack Russel Terrier doing back flips at Circus Circus.
Lloyd fenced.
I had a massage at the spa.
We played Roulette.
We did not win a million dollars which was a big disappointment.
We did get 4 hats and 5 pocket magnifiers and 1 orgami pen.

The End.

She gave me one of the hats.

9 mars 2006

Also, I announce myself to you again. Good day? Answer: NO!

Evildeb is reading technical support cases in German. She's translating them in babelfish. We thought the above was from the error message, and wondered why we couldn't have the same words in the English error message. But it's not part of the error message. None the less, it's a good blog title. My day, however, is going just fine. I have some new shoes on, and they feel great! Danskos, which I got for half price from Danskooutlet.com. Dansko..... not a cheap shoe. But good for walking. My feets deserve some new shoes. [I got the "Fran" btw, in green]

A few weeks ago, I went up to Vancouver BC for the day. And like a dumb, vain girl, I wore impractical tall boots. Now, they aren't much of a heel, mostly platform, and I wear them all the time. So, in my defense, I didn't know they would be so problematic, or I wouldn't have worn them. But they make me taller, which I like. We ended up walking around the neighborhood a great deal, because it's a walking type neighborhood. And I could tell pretty quickly that the boots were going to bother me. The socks I was wearing where on the thin side, and there is no cushion inside the boot, my feet were kinda sliding. Sliding leads to friction, and you know what friction leads to, don't you? Blisters. I knew my shoes hurt me, but once we got back from the walking, I was basically sitting and they were ok. When I put my shoes back on to go to my car, it was not comfortable. Ok, it hurt. But I got to driving and didn't stop for soda until I crossed the border. I had to use the little girls room too. When I got out of the car, when I stood up, I collapsed back on the car seat. My feet hurt like hell at that point. Because the blisters had arrived. On the bottom of my feet!

Continue reading "Also, I announce myself to you again. Good day? Answer: NO!" »

28 février 2006

Picture day.

Evildeb says that AlmostCertainlyGoingToEndUpEvilMaggie won this outfit for Mimi, the Evildog, in some kind of Spin the Wheel contest. I think Mimi looks a little ashamed. And Maggie looks a little pleased about that.

Maggieandmimi

21 février 2006

True Patriot Love

It's kind of a long story, but basically, Friday, Paco sent out a link to this story. To which I replied that yes, as a blogger I was also a terrorist, but if we could please keep that to ourselves, as I was planning on going to Canada this weekend, I would appreciate it. Theories abounded about the damage I could inflict upon Canada, with my blogging. [not very much, as it turns out], however I insisted I meant no harm to Canada, indeed, I insisted that I heart Canada! Then Evildeb and I broke into a rousing rendition of O Canada. Then Paco sent out this:

Image001-1

Her Royal Highness, Queen Evildeb.

That's all, I just wanted to post the picture. I never made it up to Vancouver this weekend. but I live to try again soon.

16 février 2006

You know, gang, when you're a superhero, you never know where the day will take you.

They pulled a dead body out of the water, outside our window this morning. I didn't see it, but Paco did. On his birthday no less. He also witnessed the guy who jumped from the bridge onto our parking lot last year. Right outside the meeting room window. Yes, death of instantaneous on that one. And messy. He's handling this one better. We have no evidence that the victim jumped from the bridge, could have just been a floater. KK passed on an interesting fact: if you cut the body's belly open before you dump them in the water, it releases all the gasses, and they won't float. Cool. Filing that grisly tidbit away for when I become a mystery writer.

Evildeb does not just cause pain in others, but also to herself. She has to get regular massages, to keep herself relaxed, or her head will literally pop off her neck from the tension. This means my calendar is full of notes regarding her comings and goings, and workings from home, due to her appointments.

jodi: so... are you working from home or not?
evildeb: on Wednesday afternoon I'm working from home
jodi: but you just cancelled it.
evildeb: no...I cancelled the original Monday apt
evildeb: just now
jodi: such a pain in the ass.
evildeb: indeed
jodi: i'm going to need an ass massage because of you.
evildeb: well, try to schedule it after work hours so you won't have to put it tin the calendar
evildeb: your ass, or the apt
jodi: oh no. that is not fair.
evildeb: neither should be in my calendar
jodi: i am going to have it in the afternoon
evildeb: fine
jodi: because i want to work from home after my ass massage
evildeb: but leave your ass out of it
jodi: oh no, my ass is ALL OVER IT

6 février 2006

Pink, brown, yellow, orange and blue - I love you!

it's very quiet around here right now. Here being work. A lot of people are down south, at the Mother Ship, for the week. Including Evildeb. It means the parking is better and the lines in the cafe are shorter. Hey... Evildeb leaves town and the sun comes out. Coincidence?

I said I would try to do more, in February, in order to have things to blog about. [I finished all the House dvd's, sadly.] So Saturday night, I did something. I went to a party at Evildeb's house. She decided to have a function designed around two things, wine and the fact that Tessa had never seen "Yellow Submarine." Neither had I, but I didn't mention that since it was already part of the plan to begin with. The only problem with this plan was that Evildeb did not serve any of the psychedelic drugs required to make this movie the slightest bit tolerable. The music was good, that is true. But the movie itself? Everyone kept telling me it is a classic, and that I was just too young to understand. As the movie went on, I kept getting younger and younger. I'm surprised they let me stay up that late.

In the end, the party was enjoyable and Tessa and I proclaimed the movie to be absolute crap. Although we did enjoy singing along to "All Together Now" at the very end. Which, when you think about it, is a pretty crap song.

16 janvier 2006

The Benefits of Her Doubt

Let's get this straight, Evildeb does not trust you. You are up to something, and she knows it. You are going to mess with her, or with someone she cares about. She is keeping her Eye on you.

Evildeb
: How long have you and William been communicating?
Evildeb: With each other, I mean.
Jodi: Since about May, I guess. Why?
Evildeb: June, July, August, September, October, November, December, January... that's a long time.
Jodi: yeah...
Evildeb: As such, I am willing to give him the Benefit of the Doubt now.
Jodi: I see.. so suddenly. What brought this on?
Evildeb: I've been mulling. Plus, Paco* no longer has The Benefit of the Doubt.
Jodi: I know. Is this why you are able to give it to Wil?
Evildeb: Maybe.
Jodi: Wow, it's his lucky day.
Evildeb: Yes. It is.

*Evildeb does not like electricity. She's been shocked several times in life. [by base guitars, camper doors, and other conduits] Recently, Paco violated her trust by playing a practical joke on her... with a shocking pen. Click the little button on top, you get a little shock. If only it had been something less sparky. Deb has been forced to remove The Benefit of the Doubt from Paco. From now one, she'll not readily accept anything he hands to her. Also, she is no longer talking to him. And by that I mean, she informs him regularly that she is not talking to him, until he asks her a question. [She is unable to not respond.] Also, she kicked him.

10 janvier 2006

Jodi answers questions.

Thanks for asking questions, everyone! Now I can answer them, and therefore put off coming up with original content one more day. Whew. Evildeb also took time out to answer all your questions as well.

Thomas asks:
I have a question. If a car leaves New York at 5:30am and goes towards Washington D.C. at 55mph, and at the same time another car leaves D.C. and heads to New York going 65mph, which car will be closer to New York when they meet?

The blue one.

Delmer asks:
Does reading crime novels make you feel, um, less smart? (Maybe that's not the expression I want. But it's close.)

I know what you are asking. A few years ago, I wouldn't have been reading crime novels. I only read "good books," and "literature," along with computer books and non-fiction. Wouldn't be caught dead with a mass market paperback. And I had sapped the joy right out of reading. Then I picked up a trashy vampire hunter novel in an airport, and I remembered what I liked about books. I like stories, and I like to be entertained. I find value in reading every genre - romance, horror, sci-fi, fantasy, mystery, comics and graphic novels, general fiction - I like it all. Sometimes a book makes me think, and that's great. But sometimes, all it does is make me laugh, and that's invaluable too.

This weekend a friend of mine offered to lend me her Sue Grafton book when she's done with it. The "S" one. I told her I really needed to start with "A" just to keep things tidy.

I suggest you start with "A." You don't have to, in fact, "S" is a pretty stand alone story. But I just feel, rather strongly, that when dealing with a series, it's best to start at the beginning, watch the character develop along the way. Perhaps less so with Grafton than with others, but why not read the books the way god intended? In order.

Drink Jack writes:
I have started the Grafton books as well. Started with the "A" just to be completely anal (pun intended).

Good boy, Jack.

Any authors that have the feel of historical fiction with spies (similar to Da Vinci Code)?

You know, I'm not up on the spy stuff, so much as the crime stuff. But, you might try "The Eight" by Katherine Neville. Something I read a while back and remember enjoying.

River asks:
i have a huge crush on the guy who plays eric on wonder falls. let's talk about that and how he has conveniently disappeared from tv and movies. what am i supposed to do now?

River, I know you have other crushes that you can concentrate on. I'm afraid that all you have left of Eric, are the dvd memories. IMDB says that he's from Vancouver BC, you could come up here and stalk him, if you like.

"Yawn" asks:
I MISS YOU!
yeah, i miss her... wanna fight about it?

Nope! Missing me is perfectly acceptable.

Kirsten asks:
Um... what's wonder falls?

Wonder Falls is a snarky little tv show that didn't make it past 13 episodes because it was too good and too funny for mainstream America. Who suck. I will work on getting you addicted to it after you are done with Buffy. And Angel.

Evildeb asks:
Are you partisan about bread?

Yes I am.

4 janvier 2006

You have reached Ritual Sacrifice. For goats, please press "1" or say "goats". To sacrifice a loved one or pet, press the pound key.

I have angered the high speed internet gods, somehow. I'm not sure how to rectify the situation. Perhaps a small animal sacrifice is needed. I received my new cable modem last night, hooked everything up according to instruction, and it's not working. It appears it is not connecting with their network. Blinky green light instead of solid green light. Now I have to have a cable guy come out and look at it. And you know how much I hate calling tech support. Then today, I get emails from Verizon, thanking me for signing up for DSL service. A service they swear they didn't take away from me in the first place. It should be working next week, they say. But... that's a month after it went down! Since I am going to cancel it, they really needn't bother. But, on the offhand chance the cable modem is not working by the then, I guess I'll let them do what they want.

Which small animal would you sacrifice to the high speed internet gods? A squirrel?

That's really it, nothing else exciting to say. Except, maybe my computer luck is turning around. Evildeb was pestering me, sticking her new shoes in my face. While they were on her feet. And five minutes later she dropped her mac on said shoes and feet and broke it. The mac, not the shoes or feet. Karma.

19 décembre 2005

That's very amusing, because in France he would be executed for this.

Scene: a large conference room, several rows of chairs facing the front. Tessa and Jodi sit on the far right of one of these rows. Evildeb sits on the far left, one row up. A business credo, if you will, is displayed on the wall, "A good plan executed violently this week, is better than a great plan executed perfectly next week"

Tessa: I don't know about the word "violently," it scares me. I don't like it.
Jodi: Deb does, I bet.
Jodi and Tessa look over at Evildeb on the other side of the room. She is nodding her head, with a grin on her face. Her hands are clinched in TINY FISTS OF DOOM.
Jodi: See? I told you she would.

Later that same day...

Evildeb: I like doing things VIOLENTLY!!
Jodi: Like executing?
Evildeb: Yes! I like EXECUTING THINGS VIOLENTLY!!
Jodi: I knew you'd like that.

10 décembre 2005

I'm now a famous Hollywood bitch, I mean I had to sacrifice a small baby for Satan, but things are so much better now.

I meant to show you this yesterday. I sent this to everyone I know who has a baby.

Satanwantsbaby

Because this website, which is both terribly funny and terribly frightening, brought us several minutes of amusement yesterday. Evildeb is very upset her mother did not have access to this, when she was a child:

Bitterkid

You know, it even looks a more than a little like her.

All this fun came to me via blog of a bookslut.

Drudgery and song

Once again, hell has frozen over and I am cleaning house. I'm working on the kitchen. I still haven't finished the office, but a dirty kitchen is ickier. And it's dirty. And messy. Both. I started at one end of the counter, and I am working my way around, cleaning surfaces as I clear them. That's the way I like to clean, so I can see progress. I don't just want to see bare counter top, I want to see bare and shiny counters!

Originally, I continued on like this, talking about cleaning, and I almost walked away in the middle of the post, I was so not entertained by it. The only thing less entertaining than cleaning, is reading about me trying to cleaning. So, instead I am going to post one of the greatest songs to clean along to EVER.



Lots of drama at my Place of Employment. We acquired a fairly good size company in the same realm we are in, and you know what happens when two big companies collide? Redundancy in staff. But, we heard tell of the best Xmas gift my POE has ever given us, only to receive emails telling us the shipment to Seattle offices was delayed. Once the other offices confirmed what we heard, we were sorely disappointed, and wanted our gift more than ever. Friday, some Executive types were up in Seattle for some Q&A, and Rockin' Jody [did you know there is another Jodi at my POE? Have I mentioned that?] told me that he would pay me a US Quarter for every time I could work in the word "shuffle" into a question. A shiny Kansas State Quarter!

"Oooo... that's my favorite one! It's got a buffalo AND a daisy on it!" said Evildeb.

I didn't do it. I'm not stupid.

22 novembre 2005

They're Bouncy Bouncy Fun Fun Fun Fun!

Evildeb is not here this week. She may be at home, building her shrine to Johnny Cash, or baking pies for thanksgiving, I'm not sure. The rest of us are left here, at Grump Central. There are a lot of bad moods around here today. And maybe it's because of air stagnation. We are under an air stagnation advisory. This is due to a high pressure front that remains over the pacific northwest, trapping all the pollution and smog and other nasties in the air. It's super foggy in the morning and evening, and the air is icky. Maybe that's what is making everyone crabby, I don't know. But until it rains on Thursday evening, we remain under a cloud.

In an effort to snap out of it, I give you this happy video of one of my sims jumping on the couch. Isn't that cheery?

Bouncy

18 novembre 2005

Evildeb falls down into a burning ring of fire

Evildeb has a new love. A new all consuming love. For Johnny Cash. She wants to have his babies, although she knows he is dead. Which makes it difficult. She now speaks to me primarily in lyrics. From Johnny Cash songs. She says it won't last forever, but I am still a little worried. She's been pretty stressed lately. She kept telling me that she got married in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout. I don't even know what a pepper sprout is. Luckily, she has next week off. Hopefully, she'll sit quietly and let her brain relax. Although I doubt it.

Just so you know, as I write these words, I am watching them appear on my brand new 23" Apple Cinema Display. They look gorgeous! Later, I'll write the words on my brand new 15" Powerbook! But I am currently in the process of setting it up.

Jodi bought herself some presents today!

17 novembre 2005

Evildeb put devils in my head and Harry Potter day.

Today is Harry Potter day. My Place Of Employment is hosting a screening tonight, for it's employees, and family, only. I am soooo excited. So freakin' excited. I can barely stand it. How am I supposed to get any work done, knowing that I am hours away from the new Harry Potter movie? Additionally, it is Tessa's birthday. So we are leaving here a bit early and convening at a restaurant next to the theatre to have cocktails. So you know what that means? It means it's another Get Paco Drunk Thursday!! Hooray! I wish I had a video camera. Everyone wish Paco good luck, as he reads my blog.

Evildeb was doing my hair today, because it was very big and also in my face. She put chopsticks with devil heads on them. They look like antennae coming out of my head. But I like them. They are festive, which is appropriate for such a festive day. They look festive, I just look insane. Paco took a picture. Then he added some flare.

Eviljodi

TINY FISTS OF DOOM!!

12 novembre 2005

Steve drives like he lives life; hard, fast and scared.

We Used to Be Friends (Theme Song) from the album "Veronica Mars (Original Television Soundtrack)" by The Dandy Warhols

I'm listening to the soundtrack to Veronica Mars. It's an excellent show, and an excellent soundtrack. I know a lot of my friends watch Lost, which this season, plays opposite of Veronica Mars, but hopefully you'll check out VM when Lost is in repeats. It's a very smart show, well written, and has fun cameos every once in a while. Last week was Joss Whedon as an obnoxious car rental clerk. [Apparently he calls Veronica Mars "Best. Show. Ever." ] Earlier in the season it was Kevin Smith as, get this, a convenience store clerk! Yes! Anyway, last season is out on DVD, so you can ask Santa for it, or you can come over and watch my copy.

I promise I will watch Lost, when season two comes out on DVD. From what I hear, I might as well save myself the mental anguish and wait until I can watch a whole bunch of both seasons at once.

Survived the trip to Portland, but it was a long day. Put Dr. Stevil, Evildeb and I into a car together for more than five minutes, and it's like driving around 3 obnoxious 7 year olds on a sugar high. Dr. Stevil is my hero because he used his fancy Treo phone PDA thingy to get a serial number for the trial version of Mah Jong I had on my laptop, from the road. Nonetheless, by the time we dropped him off at his house, late last night, he ran practically screaming from the car. It was so cute.

I Hear the Bells from the album "Veronica Mars (Original Television Soundtrack)" by Mike Doughty

10 novembre 2005

I don't think there are unicorns in Oregon

So, it's good to know I am not the only one not writing. I'm still going to keep at thinking about writing. Like Loon says, there could be a 30,000 word weekend in my future.

According to Elle, they do have unicorns in Canada. But this is news to me. She never mentioned them before. I'm going to require photographic evidence. According to William, he is not allowed to talk about the unicorns to outsiders like me, even tho I begged and promised to be his best friend and make him cookies. We are still in negotiations. He said that frankly, he was shocked to hear that they were even mentioned in the commercial. They are that top secret, I suppose.

I did not make cookies last night, as I was missing the top secret special ingredient. Two times I put on my sneakers to go to the store. And both times I stopped and went back to work on my computer. Once you are snuggled down in the geek butt yoga pants, it's hard to make yourself go back out again.

Tomorrow I will be leaving at the break of dawn for Oregon. It's a business trip. I will be down in Portland all day tomorrow. I don't particularly care for business trips. I don't mind the trade shows so much, because then I am of some use. People always want to talk to tech support. But this kind of trip is not my favorite kind. I've avoided the last couple of trips down there. That's why I am required to go tomorrow. Then I just have to stand around. I have to no real purpose, other than being there. I'm cut off from the mother ship, and I feel panic. I don't want to be there, I want to be back at my desk, with my ergonomic keyboard, connected to the network, doing my job, playing with my toys. Working with purpose. Evildeb loves going down there. She loves being there. I like being here.

I'll have the 50 word fiction up before I go. This week, it's my favorite sin... SLOTH!!

27 octobre 2005

Amelia learns our private shame.

Amelia: What is wrong with The New Kid?
Me: Paco? He's drunk.
Amelia: I thought you all were in a meeting... how did he get drunk?
Me: It was a Happy Birthday to Those with Birthdays in Oct. and Nov. Meeting.
Amelia: Like you.
Me: Yes, and Tessa, Dr. Stevil, others. But it was a Cake and Margarita party.
Amelia: Cake and Margaritas, do they go well together?
Me: Not really, but everyone seemed to like it. I had a diet pepsi. Our boy Paco here is a light weight.
Amelia: He's damn near hysterical, I fail to see what's so amusing.
Me: He just told me I was cool, like Evildeb. We were equal levels of cool, but it's a HIGH level of cool.
Amelia: Shows you what he knows.

I have decreed a new decree... from now on, we get Paco drunk at least once a week. Preferably on a Friday afternoon, as it's a perfect excuse to quit working, for he is just delightful in his mirth. He simultaneously celebrated Evildeb's coolness factor and her retardedness quotient. And pronounced her GREAT. I warned him I was going to blog him, I told him... but he was too busy explaining to spyware on his computer how he was going to combat it. And a trip of the men's bathroom recovered the following fact: it smells pooey. Delightful!

7 septembre 2005

Jodi and Evildeb in a meeting/conference call

Evildeb: you are soooo funny to them
Evildeb: they just laugh and laugh
Jodi: like a monkey
Jodi: that's my role
Evildeb: who's the monkey
Evildeb: they laugh like monkeys
Jodi: i was thinking i was the monkey
Evildeb: no
Jodi: look at, laugh at the little monkey
Evildeb: I think they are a gaggle of monkeys
Jodi: what do you call a group of monkeys? i'm looking it up.
Evildeb: a gaggle
Evildeb: especially when they laugh
Jodi: troop
Jodi: it's a troop of monkeys
Jodi: but its a shrewdness of apes
Evildeb: I'm a shrewdness of apes

later in the meeting...
Evildeb: when she said "ping us" it sounded like penis
Jodi: i know. "if you hear of this issue, just... penis."

And then I got the giggles. But at least now we know about the monkeys.

25 août 2005

If it breaths, kill it.

I'm not much of a pc gamer, as you all well know. I've played some play station in my time, and enjoyed it very much. But there is one pc game I used to play, way back in my early computer days: Doom.

Naturally, I sucked. But once I learned the all weapons cheat, things evened up a bit. Lord I love me some plasma gun. But it's not unsatisfying to use the chain saw on a baddie, either. Bloodthirsty? Sure...but you and me baby ain't nothing but mammals.

In addition to loving cartoonish violence and plasma guns, Evildeb and I are both fans of The Rock. Unapologetically, with our tongues hanging out, hearts palpitating and knees weakened, fans of the Rock. He makes us swoon. So the combination of both Doom, and the Rock, in one glorious movie? Well, the Debil and I have just two words for you. Awwww yeah!

Good hunting, soldiers!

22 août 2005

Jodi eats for free today.

The New Kid was moving into the cube next door to me today, so I hauled everything of mine that was left in there, over to my own desk. "Hauled" makes it sound like there was a lot. There wasn't. I waited until the last minute because I so enjoyed the constant reminders from various people that I was getting a New Kid soon, and had to move my stuff. What? You are kidding? A New Kid? I did not know that! Sarcasm does become me, trust me.

So, when I was getting ready to leave for the day, I hear Dr. Stevil and EvilDeb talking to the New Kid about my desk. Now, even tho he is New, he is not really "new" to us. He used to work with the three of us at the vendor. Then he left, and made us cry. Now he works at my POE, but not on my product team. Anyway, I heard Evildeb say something about how they threw away all their trash and crap, when we moved to the new part of the building, but that I just brought mine along with me. Which is true. I didn't have time to go through all that crap! I thought I would do that when I unpacked. But then, I haven't finished unpacking yet. [April. we moved in April, in case you are wondering.] Now, Evildeb and Dr. Stevil are both freakishly neat. And Evildeb was explaining how she didn't really need her second set of drawers, but her things "bring joy to her life." I tried to point out that it was hypocritical to make fun of me. But that's like comparing a tiny orange to a room full of apples running amuck. Golden Delicious, tho they may be.
"Yeah, but Jodi... JODI. Come on... Jodi."
"Yeah. ok... but you should see the back of my car!" It's worse than my desk.
"Not to mention your house?"

Now, I resent that remark. She has not been in my house since last fall! She has no idea what shape it is in! Besides, I don't have time for housework, I have sims who need me to get them into private school, and teach them to cook, and to put them into situations that allow for public woo-hoo! I have to keep their houses clean, damn it!

I managed to eat entirely for free today, there was complimentary food galore at work. That's a good day, in my book.

18 août 2005

Amelia experiences Cube Rage

Amelia: what are you doing? why are crying?
Jodi: *sob*
Amelia: Stop it! I find that noise unnerving. Combined with all the non-stop chatter that goes on here.
Jodi: *rolls her eyes* I just can't win. It's my serenpidity.
Amelia: Don't you mean serendipity?
Jodi: No, I mean serenpidity. The occurrence and development of events by chance in a stupid or pitiful way.
Amelia: Did you make up that word?
Jodi: Evildeb did.
Amelia: And what are they doing in the cube next to you?
Jodi: sigh, getting ready to move someone in.
Amelia: Wasn't this supposed to be the outer Mongolia of cube locations? Isn't that why you picked it?
Jodi: CUBE RAGE!!
Amelia: Settle down, killer.

Speaking of rage, I think we experienced a near melt down here over the last couple of days, when they quit restocking diet soda pop in the cooler. The diet pepsi was the first to disappear, my drink of choice. I transitioned smoothly over to diet dr. pepper. Then the caffeine free diet coke went, and the CFDC people started drinking regular diet coke and things became a bit tense. But when that was gone, and all that was left was diet 7-up and diet dr pepper, people got mean. Louise said someone was snippy with her because she took two diet cokes out of the cooler at the other end of the building, leaving only one behind. I couldn't blame them, she took two.
"I was really thirsty!"

S'ok, now. The appropriate beverages have been restocked. And everyone can just calm the freak down! Ok? People?

15 août 2005

That makes me a happy panda

You guys, the whole time I am looking at the pandas, and constantly updating Evildeb in a baby voice, about their activities, I had no idea... none.

Cub

Until this morning, I had no idea that someone under all that pandaness was As of Yet Unnamed Baby Panda Cub. Born Aug. 3rd, 2005. I've been looking at the birthing den.

Congratulations, Bai Yun!

11 août 2005

Guess what we are about to do, here at my Place of Employement...

come one... guess! That's right, we are having another party! It's been a week, after all. This one is cool. It's a 10 year anniversary party for someone and it's off site. It's a wine tasting party and, in the end, we each get to take a bottle of wine home with us. I know ... I know... I live in some kind of dream world, but it's true! Evildeb left early to work from home, so she is missing it. Now she is angry with me because I will not give her my bottle of wine. I have a party to go to on Saturday, and taking a bottle of wine with you is a very grown up thing to do, I've heard. So I'm keeping my booze. You go home early to snooze, you lose.

I can't wait to sip wine and spit it out at someone. Spitting is fun!

Questions, Answers and Comments

1. I'm getting the t-shirt. Perhaps today, Tessa wants one as well. Consider it done, kids.
2. For Jack:

a. they rocked! we had a great time, more about that later. I only paid $20, so I definitely got my moneys worth.
b. see above comment about shirt.
c. I do not believe the widgets slow things down, they are pretty small aps. I was having a performance issue one day and tried turning them off... didn't make any difference.

3. Parents of sticky and loud children: The kids were practically the highlight of the show, sticky or not. More on that later.
4. Christine and Lloyd, if it didn't annoy Deb, it wouldn't be any fun! By the way, the panda? "da panda is sweeping! hims paws are under hims little fuzzy head."
5. Josh, get anything you want tattooed on your inner lip, you beautiful freak. [vegan? that's just weird. vegans are weird] Speaking of which, you are freaking out the mom again, time for me to reassure her that you are ok, albeit strange. Also, not just your clothes, but any bedding you have will need to be washed. And all of your clothes. Everything.

10 août 2005

That makes me a saaaaaaaaad panda.

I enjoy searching out new widgets for Dashboard in OS X 10.4: Tiger. I have a tournament poker one, from the maker of iPoker. Currently, as a Libra, my day brims with romantic potential, this year my birthday falls on a wednesday, the closest free wi-fi is 1.0 miles away at the Thai Kitchen on Queen Anne, it's supposed to be 74 and sunny tomorrow, and La Banane is french for The Banana. But my favorite new widget is one that let's me look on different web cams. Currently it is set for the San Deigo Zoo Panda Cam. I periodically go into Dashboard and check up on the pandas. They sleep a lot. For some reason, I feel this need to constantly update Evildeb on the status of the pandas. And, to do it in the voice of a toddler. I don't know how this started. Maybe I was just overwhelmed, at first, by panda cuteness. We'll be sitting in a meeting, waiting for it to start and I'll get Deb's attention, she'll think I am going to say something intelligent. Or at least funny. And instead I say "Deb... the panda... hims slweeping on hims back and you can see hims tummy! It's so flwuffy! widdle panda!" This seems to annoy her, so now I can't stop. Cute widdle panda! I imagine she wishes I would switch to the Vancouver Aquarium Beluga Cam. I do check on the whales periodically.

Today, Louise and I went to Fred Meyer, because my headphones are seriously broken. One of my phones just snapped off. It's dangling by the wires. They were dying anyway. Now I officially need new ones. So we were wondering around the electronics section, and we weren't being quiet at all. It's not like we were being sneaky. Louise said something funny, and I laughed out loud. I scared the clerk over in the next aisle. He jumped. My laugh made him flinch. It's not a bad laugh, it's just an enthusiastic laugh. As in common in the maternal line of my family. I'm easily amused and I like to laugh, it's fun. And, apparently, it's good for you as well. But the fact that he jumped just made me laugh harder. I couldn't wait to come back to work and tell everyone that the power of my amusement startled the Fred Meyer clerk. Serves him right, the selection of headphones was sad indeed.

Tomorrow I should have stories involving Louise's horror at finding herself surrounded by children at the Zoo concert tonight. She sees children and the first word that pops into her mind is "sticky."

8 août 2005

Shut up. Slave. Ok? U like 2 finish?

Since I post my yahoo and one of my AIM ID's on my blog, I sometimes get chats from people I do not know. And they are mostly really great, very nice people giving me compliments on my blog and talking blog type things with me. Last week, I had a couple of, what could only be, teenage boys, pestering me with some of the lamest sexy chat I've ever received. This went on for several minutes, because I start out too polite, and it take me a while to move from "hey now.. I am not interested in talking with you in this manner" to just blocking them. These kids had 2 or 3 different ID's, which I eventually blocked. And then I shared their prowess with my friends, because it was so funny. I don't feel bad about this, because I asked them nicely to leave me alone and they would not. Their vernacular now peppers all chats between Evildeb and I. They have a lot of work to do, if they really want women to talk dirty with them. [to post some of the gems here, would take up entirely too much space.]

But Deb? She is better than me in so many ways. Today, she received a chat, out of the blue, from a complete stranger.

Complete stranger: Hello Deb
Complete stranger: How'z it going?
Complete stranger: you wouldn't be interested in sharing some secret intimate encounters with a young married guy, would you?
Evildeb: no
Complete stranger: I figured that out.
Complete stranger: Thanks a lot for replying at least
Evildeb: no problem
to me -
Evildeb:it must be my online profile where I say I'm very interested in sharing some secret intimate encounters with a young married guy,
Evildeb: and then a little bit further down I change my mind
Evildeb: I think that's how he figured it out
Jodi: i think so.
Jodi: or maybe it was the 60 seconds it took you to reply.

I laughed about this exchange for several minutes. Sigh, she's so tuff!

Baby, you gonna be breathless.

From blog of a bookslut, I got this fabulous link to somethingawful.com. Evildeb can hear me laugh, when I do, and is usually curious as to why.

Jodi
: I'm reading something on "something awful"
Jodi: and it's making me laugh.
Evildeb: it does that sometimes
Jodi: it's a cliff notes interpretation of an r. kelly song called "locked in the closet"
Jodi: glossary:
Jodi: Y'all ass is crazy: Your entire ass is crazy.
Jodi: I'ma: I am going to
Evildeb:I want to tell someone that there entire ass is crazy
Jodi: me too
Evildeb: it should be easy enough to find someone around here that would fit the bill
Evildeb: Whiskey tango frank, my brother. Your entire ass is crazy~!
Evildeb: there isn't one inch of your ass that is not crazy. you are insane in the ass
Evildeb: no
Evildeb: that doesn't work
Evildeb: the whole of your ass has lost it's marbles.
Jodi: your ass has lost touch with reality, my brother
Evildeb: yeah
Evildeb: sit down my brother, you ass has totally lost touch with reality
Jodi: Just sit your ass down on some reality.

4 août 2005

Vodka, rum, gin, gay, bi, straight... this party was a veritable pu pu platter of sexual orientation.

Did I fail to mention that I won yesterday's poker game? I think I did. Shame on me. Let's just take care of that now. I won yesterday's poker game!!

Today, at work, we had a luau. I don't know why. Just one of those things. No reason was stated, I guess it was just one of those summer party things. There was volleyball, lots of food, some hula contest, Hawaiian band, drinks in coconuts [plastic] with really high alcohol content., and robo-surfing. And wading pools, and henna tattoos and things for the kids. I don't drink and drive. At all. So I was not imbibing. But Evildeb doesn't drive home, Lloyd does the driving. So she was imbibing nicely. As were other people.

At one point, word is, Evildeb threw an inflated ball at the back of Tessa's head. I did not see this. But I saw retaliation. Tessa thought this was worthy of dumping a bottle of water down Evildeb's back. I don't think Evildeb agreed. She was contemplating an ass kicking.

Now, if the two of them went to war, it would be bad. Neither one would give up and both would escalate it to the next level. Knowing this, I happily stood behind Deb's lawn chair and encouraged her to kick Tessa's ass. Tessa was standing a few yards away, her back towards us.

Evildeb: i'm going to have to kick her ass.
Me: I think you do, your pride is at stake. I mean, it was just a beach ball! And now you are completely soaked!
Evildeb: well... i don't know if I am comp...
Me: YOU ARE TOO!! Don't let her get away with that.
Evildeb: I'm not. Lloyd, go kick her ass!
Lloyd: no way, man.
Evildeb: The Man, go kick her ass!
The Man: No way, not my fight.
Me: he's afraid of her, you are going to have to do it, Deb.
Evildeb: grrrrr...

Now, in truth, I do not believe it would have been a literal ass kicking. Nor did I really want Tessa to get her ass kicked. That's why I told her that she had better quit shaking her ass at Deb, that she should just turn around and face her. And keep an eye on her. The two of them were eyeing each other warily, ready to attack, if necessary.

And, with a job well done, I headed home!

Yeah... I'm a little stinker.

2 août 2005

She's in my head, dude.. she's in my BRAIN!

Earlier this afternoon, Evildeb sent out an email, alerting us that she had been broken.

Yep, I'm a broken woman.
It started on or around June 8 when I sent an impassioned plea to the ...

ok, none of your business.

Then we talked to them about it.
Then we gave some feedback on it.

more nothing you need to know...

So, you can probably understand how it hurts me to see the following ...


blah blah blah


If you need me you will find me under a tree in the courtyard weeping.

Deb

Being the concerned friend I am, I sent her a chat:

Jodi is it possible for me to paste you back together? with superglue?
Evildeb: no
Evildeb: well, maybe with the help of all the kings horses and all the kings men
Jodi: could all the kings horses and all the kings men put you
Jodi: oh
Jodi: my
Jodi: god
Evildeb: you scared me
Jodi: you scared me!!
Evildeb: I hate it when that happens
Evildeb: we have c.S.P
Jodi: csp?
Evildeb: Chat Sensory Perception
Jodi: AAAAACKK!

We do this all the time. Type the same thing to each other in chats. Really weird random things, as well. I'm wondering which one of use should be more concerned. Which one of us is in who's brain? Exactly.

25 juillet 2005

Little kid shoes

I have fairly small feet, size 6.5. This means I have an extra shoe shopping option - the children's dept. Yes, I can wear little kid shoes. The sandals I am wearing today, I bought for my trip to NYC two summers ago. Because I knew it would be hot as hell, and I would be walking a lot. When I bought them, AlmostCertainlyGoingToEndUpEvilMaggie was two and she got the exact same pair. Hers were pink and purple, tho. I got the boys navy blue option. They were about $10 cheaper than the adult version would have been. I've often purchased converse sneakers from that dept. as well. Nordstroms.

I wore them today wondering - would little kid shoes give me little kid spirit? And if so, is it really my little kid shoes or my harlot red painted toenails? or both? Hard to say. Should have done a control study with just one or the other factor...

Reasons why you have to love Evildeb:
A co-worker of ours quit a couple of months ago, moved up to Vancouver BC with her husband and had a baby girl. She is coming down to visit later this month, and bringing the baby, so we are going to have... yes... wait for it... a party! I swear we have a party for everything. Why, today I got some cake... I am not even entirely sure why. I think it was because someone came back from sabbatical. I happened to be in the right place at the right time. And, to be honest... I had two pieces. But they had fruit! it was really a fruit tart! Anyhoo, back to this party, it's a good excuse for one, I think. Evildeb decided to have a high tea party. And this is what she said in the email informing our team.

We're going to have high tea. I know you boys will love it because it will give you an opportunity to exercise your pinky fingers in new ways.

You've got to love her. I wonder if we get to play dress up, first.

15 juillet 2005

It's Harry Potter Day

Dr. Stevil: It's Harry Potter day.
Me: I know. I never pre-ordered it.
Dr. Stevil: and that surprises me
Me: I was doing other things... I never got around to it. I haven't been reading much the last few weeks.
Dr. Stevil: *slow bug blink to indicate disbelief and surprise*
KK: Like what?
Me: Well, the sims. And the chatting. [under breath] with boys.
KK: Ahhh... yes... boys.
Evildeb: What about the liquor?
Me: Oh, yeah, I forgot. Well, you can do either one of those while enjoying the liquor.
KK: Sometimes you can enjoy them more.
Evildeb: Liquor only adds to the enjoyment.
Dr. Stevil: Ok, boys and liquor are fine. But the sims and liquor, that's dangerous.
KK and Me: *slow bug blinks to indicate disbelief and surprise*
Me: And ... there is no danger of mixing boys and liquor? What?
Dr. Stevil: Well, you could really mess up your game.
Me: But... but... if you mess up with boys and liquor, that's your life! Besides, in the sims you can always quit without saving. You can't do that with a boy.
Dr. Stevil: No, I guess not... but you've invested so many hours in the game.
KK and Me: *look at each and wonder if Steve is serious.*
Me: Well, I usually save intermittently. Besides, if I truly fuck up a sim, I can just kill him and start over. You can't do that with a boy.
Dr. Stevil: I suppose you are right.
Me: I am so going to blog this conversation.
KK: it says so right there on your shirt.

29 juin 2005

I guess Amelia didn't catch this one.

overheard*: "... and then you can onsie - twosie to your heart's content."

Evildeb: I rather like the idea of onsie - twosieying to my heart's content
Jodi: Depends... what does it mean?
Evildeb: I have no idea.
Jodi: *experiments with a onsie - twosie dance*
Evildeb: is that what it means?
Jodi: No, I was just trying it out. I think I will onsie - twosie myself on out the door to run errands.
Evildeb: Are you going to buy some onsies?
Jodi: Hey... maybe it's Potty Functions.
Evildeb: in which case everyone should be able to onsie - twosie to their hearts content. Hopefully.
Jodi: I kinda need to onsie right now.
Evildeb: Great... thanks for sharing.

As I was writing this, the monkee started talking babytalk on the phone, and I felt a level of horror that had previously not been felt since I was five years old and my dad took me on the Haunted Mansion ride at Disneyland. And then, I bomitted.

*for those who don't know, if it appears in quotes and italics at the top of the post, it's usually the monkee we are overhearing.

6 juin 2005

Evildeb thinks I'm crazy, Amelia is striving for more, and Louise is on a boat to Russia.

After Evildeb responded to a managerial request with a buttload of information:

Jodi: Hello ball! I'm Deb, and I am going to be on top of you now.
Evildeb: I fell off right after
Jodi: louise did that a couple of weeks ago. she was sitting on my exercise ball... fell right off. hit her head on the desk. i hope you didn't hit your head on the desk. 
Jodi: hey... my eye is twitching, it won't stop. it was doing that last night too. does that mean i am crazy?
Evildeb: Yes.
Jodi: whooo-hooo!  good-bye rational thinking!!

Louise is on sabbatical now. At least I hope she is, the last thing I heard from her was a totally stressed out email on Saturday. If everything went according to plan, she flew home to Scotland yesterday. Then she and her mum are going on a Scandinavian cruise. So I kinda hate her. Not kinda...I do. She's going to St. Petersburg and I've always wanted to go there! Since way back when it was Leningrad! Not fair. She's also going to Sweden, probably Stockholm. And Coppenhagen, Amsterdam and something German. Can't remember what. I told her to bring me back something Russian. Like a sailor. Hoo-boy! I'm going to miss her. I'll have to find someone else to come and visit me every day and tell me how hard it is for someone like herself to deal with the "regular" people. That's my girl!

Amelia: Why is he so excited, and loud, today?
Me: Beginning of the quarter... fresh clean sales slate. He's "striving."
Amelia: "Striving?"
Me: Yes, he's rilly rilly striven.
Amelia: Is that a word?
Me: Look it up.
Amelia: Do you see a dictionary in this poster with me?
Me: Sheesh... you used to be such a striver, too.
Amelia: I could strive your ass off, kid.
Me: Word.

31 mai 2005

Do ants have genitalia? Evildeb wants to know...

Mortality has claimed another insect victim. Today I found Daren dead... at the bottom of the habitat. Gus and Tyree are still not getting along, and can stand for several seconds, just staring at each other, waiting for the other one to back down. I think the larger Tyree is very tolerant of the smaller, but pushier, Gus. He could probably eat his head for lunch. Bastian has shown talent as a contortionist and held a pose for over a minute that I was sure would damage his head. Except, it turned out that was his butt.

Rochelle just stands at the top of the gel mountain, waving her antennae at us, merrily. She's such a sweetheart.

25 mai 2005

It cures aches, pains, bunions, calluses, galloping consumption and the seven year itch.

You would think that I would be over the cough by now, wouldn't you? It's been 3 weeks since I first got sick. And I am still coughing. That seems wrong. Evildeb says I may have the beginning of a sinus infection. And the post nasal drip is what's making me cough. Lloyd and MoreThanSlightlyEvilJacob get them all the time, so she knows about these things. I'm not one for going to the doctor unless I have to, but it would explain why that cold kicked my ass. And stayed so long. But I feel fine... it's just the coughing. That's all there is. It's probably the Consumption. That's what I told my mini mart gal, Happy Loud Edgar #14. She said she doubted it and she'd see me tomorrow. I told her not if I die in my sleep. She said she had every faith she would see me tomorrow. Won't she be sorry she didn't say a proper goodbye to me, when I am dead.

Yesterday, Tessa and Louise were hanging out in my cubical area, Louise had a mug of tea and was sitting on the exercise ball. She was making fun of Tessa for some thing and so we were all laughing. Almost in slow motion she seemed to tip over, legs and one arm flailing. BAMF! she hit the floor and her head hit the rounded edge of a desk. The thing is, we were already laughing so hard, that that just made us laugh more. Which is mean. But it was so funny. And, she did not spill a single drop of tea! She did end up with a big old bump on her head, not that I've touched it, I'm taking her word on it. She's using that as an excuse for everything, and is pretty sure she's going to die by morning of massive head trauma. While she is not a hypochondriac, she is a bit of a drama queen. Surely I would die of the Consumption before she would die of her silly Massive Head Injury. Let's all wish her a speedy recovery from her massive head trauma. We'll be sad when she's dead and gone. She should at least hold out until after her birthday in August, because we have concert tickets.

24 mai 2005

Amelia keeps a long story short.

Mock-monkee-speak has become so common place in our vernacular, I don't even notice I am doing it sometimes.

Evildeb: Hey! What s'up, man?
Me: Hey! Not much,. S'up with you, my brother?

Then we ask other people "what s'up" and they wonder why we laugh when they answer.

Me: Hey! What s'up, Amelia?!
Amelia: Do not speak to me in that manner.
Me: Whoa... chill out, my brother.

19 mai 2005

You know, this would be more fun if you were silent.

Yesterday Tessa and M-roo went out to lunch, and invited me along. But they were going to have Thai food, and I wasn't feeling Thai. I was, again, feeling cheeseburger. Which they agreed, sounded like a good idea for a future lunch. So I scheduled a lunch club, the Girls Who Eat Meat Lunch Club, first meeting to be at Redmill Burgers. Louise is part of the club, as well. Unfortunately, Evildeb is a vegetarian, although I might tell her about it, it seems wrong for her to belong to the Girls Who Eat Meat Lunch Club.... if she's not going to do it. Eat meat, that is. Louise also pointed out a restaurant she's wanted to try called the Buenos Aires Grill, in Seattle. It would appear that this a restaurant that knows it's meat. You can get a platter of mixed meats, and they bring a grill to your table. Every review I've read keeps pointing out the menus are leather and their are cowhides draped on the walls. The Girls Who Eat Meat Lunch Club might have to go to dinner. They have tango dancing as well, but as Louise put it, "I don't care about that, I'm there for the meat."

Speaking of Evildeb, she is down in Oregon today and tomorrow, on a vendor visit. So I was very surprised to see her signed into her yahoo account this morning, when she should have been on the road. I asked her why she was online, she was supposed to be at the vendors, and she told me she was at BCC. [Bellevue Community College]. She's been taking some classes there lately. But that's not where she was supposed to be, so I continued to harass her. She seemed confused. Then The Man walked up and asked where Lloyd was, so we began to wonder if it was actually Lloyd at BCC, taking a class, with Evildeb's laptop. So we continued to pester her some more, sending line after line of nonsense chat, explaining how The Man had taken her chopsticks from her desk and was doing something with them that involved his nasal cavity, how even if geese could talk they could not say the word "esophagus"... stuff like that. . Nothing... she wasn't explaining herself and we had a meeting to go to, so we let it go.

When I got back from the meeting, I IM'd her again, and whomever answered admitted that they were not Deb, that they were at BCC and when they logged into the computer, messenger launched and logged in automatically, and they did not know how to log out. Which means that Evildeb installed Yahoo messenger on a computer in their lab and unknowingly set it up to log into her yahoo account automatically. That made me laugh. It made The Man laugh as well. Deb says she has a class on Sunday, and she will take care of it then, but I'm still thinking about how often FairlyEvilJacob IM's her from college, during the day. Oh that poor anonymous BCC computer student! How far-reaching is Deb's evil!!

17 mai 2005

Update on mental status

It's ok... everything is going to be fine, you guys... it was a rough morning... Deb was sobbing and I was punching myself in the head with my own fists... but everything is ok because I had a good cheeseburger for lunch, I'm listening to Venus* from Holst's The Planets, and our boss just gave us some really good tequila, from her trip to Mexico. You can't even taste it in my orange-cranberry juice concoction. I have invented a drink I intended to call the Hamilton. But instead, because of it's appearance, I have named it The Bomit.

I warned them... I said, you don't want me to have any tequila, seriously.... but would they listen?

*Venus is my planet. Because I'm a Libra. Do you know what that means? It means I was born between September. 23rdish and October 22ndish, that's what it means.

16 mai 2005

Maggie makes up a word

Evideb says that Mimi, the evildog, was as sick as a dog could be, on Saturday night. The evil inside her was coming out both ends, and she was throwing up every five minutes. The next day, when Mimi began to cough, AlmostCertainlyGoingToEndUpEvilMaggie asked her mom if the dog was about to "bomit."
"Bomit? Don't you mean "vomit?"
"Bomit is PRETEND vomit."

When Evideb told me the story today, I had to admit that there was a need in my life for a word that means pretend, or virtual, vomit. In fact, just five minutes ago:

Spoken:
Me: Uh-oh... Deb... I think I am going to bomit.
Evideb: Oh no... why?
Via Chat:
Me: Because overheard: "am I going to make ANY commission on this? oh my god... that is so much money!"
Me: therefore; jodi: bomit.
Evildeb: I have a question. Am I going to make ANY commission on this painful review of these GENERIC WORK TASK AT P.O.E. that I'm working on?
Me: no. no you are not. in fact, all you are going to make is bomit.
Evildeb: yes, I think I shall make some bomit. Hey, that's what you can do when he gets loud, you can bomit over the wall of his cubicle.
Me: I need some golf balls, and a sharpie pen, STAT!

9 mai 2005

Three things for a Monday

- It's Loon's birthday! Happy birthday Loon,
- Saturday was Evildeb's Evil Birthday! Happy Evilday, Deb! She was in Victoria BC, and I was under quarantine, so I have not celebrated an evil birth ritual with her yet. Any ideas?
- I just ordered my Mac Mini, using the discount given unto my P.O.E. by Apple. Hooray! My home system needed an upgrade. My G4 will become the delegated MP3 server.
- Due to a physical injury, the monkee is rumored to be a bit more subdued and "quiet," currently. But I don't notice a difference.
- Also, I just pre-ordered the Sims2 for the Mac. It comes out on June 13th. [birthday of Liloo and my uncle Jim.] So the blog may go, as they say in the theatre world, dark for a bit. Dark, with strong possibilities for sim stories.
- I got a Mother's Day card in the mail from my cat.

I said three things and that is six... sorry. I'm still not quite myself, truthfully.

Amelia says "hi!"

22 avril 2005

superfunkycalifragisexy

I was listening to Prince on the way to, and from, work. Which makes me want to unpack those boxes of cd's and find some funk.

You know, I'm not really #6 for "good spanking." If you follow the search link, it would definitely appear that I was. But a fresh google shows that I am not. I don't know what I was thinking. How on earth could I be #6? With all the spanking websites out there? Ridiculous. Yes, sure, I'm a little bit disappointed... but hey, people find me by looking up "boobies" as well. And that's something. Hardly surprising considering what I was talking about, when I first started this blog. Hooray for boobies!!*

I was in training all day again today. It was pretty interesting. I'm not going to bother telling you what it was a about. Technical stuff. I was late to work. I thought training started at 8:30, but no... started at 9. So, officially, I was ok. Mostly, during training, I was a smart ass. Mostly. It's my job. Someone has to be the comic relief. And I just can't help it! It's a compulsion. People expect it of me. There is just so many things that need commenting on, you know? Luckily, the trainer seemed to appreciate the irreverent humor of my team. Not that it would have stopped us, if he had not. So immature.

It's a beautiful day here, in the low 70's. Which freaks Evildeb the hell out, because she is not outside. Despite the fact that she suffers from the SAD, really nice sunny days only seem to piss her off and make her crabby. I knew that whole SAD thing was a hoax. [Look Deb, it's sunny out, it's going to be 74 degrees, you have NO RIGHT to be pissy!!] We had pizza for lunch, out in the courtyard. It was lovely. And an ice cream man drove down the street between the waterfront and plaza buildings. Which is an excellent sign of good things to come. I would have worn the short pants, but I nicked myself shaving. Bad. Like, a quarter size nick. And it would not quit bleeding. In fact, I passed out due to blood loss. That's why I was sorta late to work.

My grandmother is currently dying, or going through the slow process of dying. She's 90, and has many health problems. She's deteriorated a great deal, since my granddad died. Right now, she has pneumonia, on top of her emphysema, her lungs are filling up with fluid, and she is getting less and less oxygen. She's too weak to cough. She is semi-lucid, but can't use her right hand, or control her bodily functions, but is eating. Every hour she gets a tiny bit worse. II'm getting a couple of updates a day, and it seems like I am just waiting to hear she has passed. It leaves me with a sick feeling in my stomach. I so want her to go peacefully. This doesn't sound peaceful to me. My uncle says she is aware of what is going on, that she is in the hospital, what is happening with her lungs. I imagine she knows she is dying. I wonder if she welcomes it, if she's impatient to get it over with. Her husband and her youngest son passed on before her, I imagine she wants to join them. In that country club in the sky. I have to admit, I wish she could sleep peacefully, she's not able to rest right now, because of the coughing and fluid in her lungs. I wish she could sink in to a deep restful sleep and let go. I don't want her to live like this. Nobody should have to live like this. So I have that weird feeling, the one where I know I can't really plan anything over the next week, because I might be going to Arizona any day. But... I had that same situation/feeling with Granddad, and he hung on for months.

Phase One of the big project at work is completed. Months and months of planning and work, done. And I've decided that I have not spent enough time in Barnes and Noble lately. Grabbing a big pile of books, and sitting in a comfy chair to browse through them. So that is definitely a plan for the weekend. I deserve books. Phase Two of the big project is now to begin. I call that the cleaning up phase. Busy, but not like Phase One.

*Don't forget, you too can have your own "Hooray for Boobies!" t-shirt. Never in my life have I had more comments on anything I wear. Girls love it, guys love it, cats, dogs, bunnies and squirrels love it too!

14 avril 2005

There is normal, and then there is Evildeb

A comment from DrinkJack reminded me to tell you where EvilDeb is right now.

">Secure facility, hummmm, there should be video of this. EvilDeb, can you get it?"

No, Jack, she cannot get video, she is not at work. She is at Disneyland, with AlmostCertainlyGoingToEndUpEvilMaggie and MoreThanSlightlyEvilJacob. A.C.G.T.E.U.EvilMaggie's primary daycare providers, her grandparents, are in Africa. So Lloyd and Evildeb each took some time off, to take turns caring for her day. Lloyd took a week and two days off. He took Maggie to Enumclaw. Evildeb took three days off, she had to go to Disneyland.

Last week, we had a chat that when something like this:
Evildeb: I want to GO somewhere when I am at home with Maggie.
Jodi: Like where? The zoo? Orcas Island? The mall?
Evildeb: like disneyland.
Jodi: ha! well sure, but....
Jodi: besides, you were just there.
Evildeb: last september.
Jodi: yeah, exactly. and you went to vegas.
Evildeb: in january.
Jodi: yeah, exactly. I am sure there is lots of stuff you can find to do to keep you busy for three days.
<Evildeb: maybe :(

And I thought that was it, she would come up with a rational, less costly plan. But no. Our girl simply cannot be idle. And anywhere else is better than wherever she is. I suppose she also wanted sunshine. But the sun is shining here, right now. She flew M.T.S.EvilJacob out from college to join them, as well.
But I enjoy this trait in Evildeb. It makes me seem relatively sane, financially. I try to reciprocate by wigging out in different ways for her, that make her feel better about herself, as well.

1 avril 2005

We have so much in common, we both love soup and snow peas, we love the outdoors, and talking and not talking.

Today was a different kind of day for me. I feel like my emotions have been turned up high the last week. And today was a veritable potpourri of feelings. Most of which I shall keep to myself. But some of them you are going to have to hear about, mes pommes de terre d'Internet. But first, I want to clarify a few things.

  1. That picture up in the corner, of the girl on the computer, is not meant to represent me, in the strictest sense, any more than the swinging girl used to. I edited her to give her more of a me-ness. I gave her my fair swedish/norwegian/irish/scottish skin. I lighted her hair to be more like mine. I changed the colors of her clothes, desk and chair, and I changed her glasses, which were black with blue lenses. My glasses are green. I am not a tall, willowy, vector stick. I could go on the South Beach diet, the Atkins diet and the Zone diet all at once, and I ain't ever going to be willowy. Or tall. My people are a curvier people. We are not meant to walk the catwalk in strange designer couture. We are meant to lounge on chaise lounges, and have cute boys brings us drinks on silver trays. Also, my boobies are bigger. HA! take that vector stick.
  2. I'd like to thank Evildeb for letting me mess with her identity and portray her in almost any manner I see fit. She is remarkably accepting that way. For someone so evil.
  3. No matter what she says, Fee does actually like me.
  4. Thomas has a wonderful way of taking something you think is a hang up, and making it sound rare and wonderful. Thank goodness for chat logs.

Oh, and Matt from DC is totally in love with me. I discovered that chatting with him last night. it's not surprising, really. We have some shockingly similar traits. We are both funny, we both like macs and hate pc's, we both prefer bookstores to smokey bars. But it's not meant to be. He's east coast Washington, I'm west coast. He's got a bird, I've got a cat. He's mountain dew and I'm Dr Pepper. He likes to be active and exercise, I like to take naps. He wants children, and I still behave as tho I were a child myself. Not to mention he is young and studying to be a lawyer and I'm old enough to be his babysitter! It's probably pretty natural to have a crush on your babysitter. Do little boys grow up thinking fondly of their babysitters? Not me, they didn't.

"Ok, maggots, it's time to go to bed."
"But mommy says that we don't have to go to bed until the clock on the microwave says eight, three, oh. See, it doesn't say that. That's a seven and that's a five..."
"I know I know! But see, the microwave is messed up. Yeah, I messed it up when I was heating up the pizza. Here, I'll fix it. See? eight, three, oh."
"But we don't want to go to bed yet, we want to stay up and watch movies with you!"
"I know, sweetie, and as much as I'd like to watch Jungle Book for the 4th time tonight, I have to study. Believe me, I don't want to study. I would rather watch movies with you."
"What is that you are studying?"
"Errrr... history. I have to read this book tonight and find out if this guy here, he's Rafe Sterling, the King of the ... Pi-RA-tes. Yes, King of the Pirates. I need to find out if he ever wins the battle against this woman here, the cold and icy Princess Melody. Currently a resident of Prudytown on the Virgin Islands. But not for long. Now come on... head upstairs before I break out my Mad Babysitter voice!"

31 mars 2005

Go to google, type in "vibrator cozy knitted"

and look who's number one!

and I don't even know how to knit! I'm so proud. How disappointed people will be, if they come looking for a pattern. I'm sorry knitters! I didn't mean any harm!

Distracted I was from finishing up Satan's Bookclub. Intending I am to get it up on April 1st. Thinking I was that it would be 12:01 am, but realizing I am that it will be later in the day. I'm still looking for something I want to put up there. Don't know why I started talking like yoda. The first sentence just came out that way and I went with it.

Pru's freaking out, I'm going to go chase her with q-tips. Before I go, an ironic quote from Evildeb today:

"I'm going to put my headphones on!! You guys are so annoying with your talking!"

Now everyone leave me happy, positive comments and explain to me why I feel the need to document every tiny insignificant piece of crap in my life online? And I mean crap in a good way, but sometimes I wonder about me. You know?

29 mars 2005

I'm sort of surprised that reality turned out as real as it is.

In attempting to present another fun filled episode of "what's on Jodi's t-shirt today" I realized, looking at the shirt in iPhoto, that I had put my shirt on backwards. The graphic is such that it shows both on the outside and inside of the shirt. That made me laugh, for a while. I haven't done that in almost a year.

Friday afternoon, Evildeb and I went to an off-site work party. We were only marginally invited. But our PSM really wanted us to go. I spent my drink tickets on Dr. Pepper, while Evildeb spent hers on wine. We did a little mingling, and ended up talking to someone in Program Management, about some recent staff changes at the executive level, a vp was leaving. He asked me what I thought about that, and I said "Ummm... yeah, he was pretty good," I had no clue if he was any good or not, "he used lots of corporate speak and anacronyms." Everyone started laughing. I didn't think it was that funny. He did... use a lot of both. I looked around at the group, and knew that I had done something dumb.

Evildeb: You said "anacroynm."
Jodi: I did? [still not hearing what I had done wrong.]
PM: that's good ANAC-cronym. That's a great word!
Jodi still laughing with everyone else: well, you know me!! hahahahaa!
Evildeb: did you mean acronym?
Jodi - ashamed and not at all drunk: yeah. I did.

I've always screwed up that word. I have the hardest time saying it. But I looked into it, it's a real word. anacronym. Sort of. People use it to describe acronym's that are so old, nobody remembers what they stand for anymore. Like SCSI and ASCII. [Except for me, maybe. SCSI=Small Computer System Interface and ASCII=American Standard Code for Information Interchange] So playing it cool was the smart thing to do. When I got back to work, I found a website that explained the meaning of Anacronym, although I don't think it's in the dictionary. I mailed it to Evildeb and my PSM. Who forwarded it to the PM. Who still thinks it's a great word and is willing to suspend disbelief that I meant to say it.

Louise is still intent upon teaching me to knit. She is actually making me knitting needles and found a pattern that is just crazy enough to make me learn. Only so I can answer when people ask me the inevitable.
"what are you knitting, Jodi?"
"Vibrator cozies" I'll say, sweetly.
Evildeb is not down with this plan.

Evildeb: why would you want to make those?
Jodi: come on! it's genius! we'll make vibrator cozies and sell them at I heart rummage! They'll sell like hotcakes! Sexy hotcakes!
Evildeb: I don't think you should make that. What do I need with that?
Jodi: Well, it sounds like you should go right out and fill it! You're a healthy girl, surely you have something that runs on batteries.
Evildeb: make iPod covers.
Jodi: NO! you can come shopping with us when we go buy the floor model vibrator for our sales booth. Nobody likes a chilly sex toy. [which may or may not be true, actually.]

24 mars 2005

Maybe one day you'll wise up, sap!

In today's episode of what is on Jodi's t-shirt today:

It's Slimey the Worm! From sesame street! Yay! Today's t-shirt is an orange on orange ringer, paired with a black cashmere cardigan from the men's line of Land's End [treated very poorly indeed], levi's, and black suede canvas one stars.

Right now, Evildeb [who's boobies are known as Siegfried and Roy] is trying to do something genius. If she gets it to work, I will have to be her best friend forever. I'm willing to commit to that, because, if she accomplishes what she sets out to do, she'll be THWARTING THE MAN! The same Man who is always trying to keep you down. In a geeky operating system parity kind of way. I can't really tell you the specifics, because that's Place of Employment [PoE] confidential. But, it goes something like this:

The Man: You must use this system. It's crappy and slow and buggy and complicated and it sucks. It won't do everything you want or need. But that's just the way it is. Oh, and it only runs on Windows.
Jodi: Windows? but but...
The Man: YES WINDOWS!! quit crying, mac babies!
several months later, after Evildeb SWITCHED to the Mac as her primary machine...
Evildeb: you know.... there's no reason we couldn't run this on a mac. I just need to mumble mumble nameserver mumblle mumble java gui mumble mumble .ini file. I don't want to have to lug around TWO laptops every time I travel.
Jodi: HOORAY!!

I really hope she figures it out.

I meant to show you this the other day. Oops. Nintendo Crime. It's pretty brilliant.

23 mars 2005

Well, French Toast isn't really that serious. If I was making you like, Eggs Benedict or something like that, then we need to talk.

The t-shirt I'm wearing today says this:

That is, in fact, a picture of the t-shirt as I wear it. Today. Which is why the text is all curvy. Like me. I'm thinking of wearing it to Easter brunch. Just to give my family a head's up.

Dr. Stevil, Evildeb and I went to lunch with the PSM's. We were invited as a way of saying thank you. For filling in for my PSM while she was on maternity leave. I told them they could just not invite Evildeb because she did not do anything. But they did not believe me. [which is probably for the best, as I was just kidding.] Ever since I got back from lunch, I've been in a food coma. Because I had french toast. In a greek restaurant. They have american food and serve breakfast... I love breakfast food! Besides, my favorite dish there is the tiny cheese pies aka: tirokopita. And we had those as an appetizer. French toast is not a dish that sends you bouncing out of your chair, raring to go and take on the rest of your day. It's a dish that makes you want to curl up, contentedly, and take a wee snappy nap.

There is really no other point to this post. Other than to say, I had french toast, I'm tired, this is my t-shirt and I was going to try to take more pictures so I did.

EDITED TO ADD:

wait, there's an ok reason for this post right here. Go check out some VR views of the neighborhood I work in, Fremont. You'll need Quicktime installed.

22 mars 2005

Evildeb posts to craiglist

There is little proof to prove she did NOT post this. The evidence is fairly damming... it says that she "looks like the devil."

Noodles!

ps: Today I told Evildeb that she was just a little character in my blog, for me to move about and play with at my will.

The surge must have mutated your superstructures. I wonder what it did to your beast modes?

You know, I never really look at my spam email. At work, we have a filter service. Every day it sends me a report of the spam I receive. About once a week, I go in and clean it all off the server. never even look at it. For some reason, this one caught my eye today:

Subject: Hi you :),. I miss you baby please come get me..
Hey baby. So whats been going on with you? Don't you remember me? I loved the time we spent together I thought that you did too. I thought that you wanted to do all the things to me that we had talked about. I had a site made with more of my pictures in case you forgot about me. You can talk to me with the site too whenever Im there, which i Usually am, so I hope that you do. I hope to hear from you soon baby, please dont leave me like this I cant stop thinking of you

Evildeb says she does not have have all the sexually explicit spam that I have. She does not have email from Asslee Bendover. [I kid you not. It was from Asslee Bendover]. She did read off some of the other types of email. "Hot stock tip for quick surge." I'm not entirely sure that isn't something equally as naughty.

More Evildeb fun, I just received the following email.

Hi team,

My PC laptop, SweetyPi was taken away by an IT professional just after lunch today.

It was my fault for allowing her to have unprotected contact with the internet. She caught a couple of nasty viruses and had to be sterilized.

In the process of examining her the IT professional also discovered that her motherboard was damaged. This was apparently a flaw inherent to her type having something to do with an oversized "buffer". Luckily she can be cured of all her ills, but she has to stay in the lab overnight so that they can monitor her progress.

Please keep SweetyPi in your thoughts tonight. We appreciate your kind thoughts for her rapid recovery.

Deb

21 mars 2005

That's why I decided early on to sabotage my highly scientific brain with cartoons and sugar.

Remember the spiders who go potty on your teeth? Well, there is a regular spider potty party going on on my teeth right now. Don't tell my mom. Evildeb made cupcakes over the weekend. She's trying to get rid of all her topping doo-dads. You know, sprinkles, sugar, candies... stuff like that. I think she wants them out of the house. So these cupcakes had multi-colored sugar granules sprinkled on top, as well as flowers built out of m-n-m's and little white candy ball thingies. I was unable to determine what flavor the frosting was, because it tasted like Sugar Frosting. Like butter and brown sugar and rainbow sugar. It crunched. I don't think any more sugar could have been added to it. It was pretty good.

Evildeb: How as the cupcake part of the cupcake.
Jodi: it was... interesting. Did you make up this recipe yourself?
Evildeb: No.
Jodi: You know what it tasted like? It tasted like, a bit like... bran.
Evildeb: now, you see, I only had whole wheat flower and I was trying to decide if you could taste the difference.
Jodi: Yes, you can.
Evildeb: so you got a bit of extra fiber...
Jodi: and that's nice!

This weekend, because I have such an exciting life, I noticed that my netflix "friend" Lisa had more movies rated than I did. And I could not let that happen. So I sat at my computer, rating movies until I had over a thousand movies rated! Ha-HA! take that, Lisa! She only has 446 rated. Even Arifa has more than that! Evildeb has the fewest. But now that she knows I did that, I imagine she'll sign on and rate more movies. Because she's competitive like that. Unlike me.

Did you know they now have chocolate Lucky Charms? They do. and they are goooooooood.

17 mars 2005

and to top it off...

Evildeb brought in some St. Patrick's day cupcakes. Freshly bought from the grocery store, on the way in to work. They had a pile of while frosting on them that was equal, in size, to the cupcake itself. And then shamrock sprinkles. At first, I avoided them, but then I stuck my finger in the frosting of one, it was like whipped butter, whipped cream, and sugar all in one. I could not resist. And now my tummy hurts.

I should just give up and go home, right?

28 février 2005

Bet you didn't count on my loyal army of prostitutes.

I'm not a big fan of Ann Coulter, but I've never read any of her books, either. I'm basing this opinion on interviews I've seen, articles I've read, and the titles of her books. So whenever I find something that proves I am right in thinking she's an idiot, it makes me feel happy. [from Wonkette] Along the same lines, I'm not a big fan of George W. Bush. I am not any kind of fan of his at all. So whenever I see something that proves I am right in thinking he's an idiot, it makes me feel scared and angry. [also from Wonkette] Work to prevent the spread of AIDS worldwide or threaten the effectiveness of international AIDS organizations in order to propagandize your moral values to world that is made up of more than just Southern Baptists? It's a conundrum, to be sure.

whew. That was serious. How 'bout that word "propagandize?" I put thought into that.

Oh, one more thing, I don't watch the Oscars. I quit watching it after Titanic won for best picture. But I can't really escape all the reports about it afterwards, usually on the radio. So, I can tell you that yes, Sean Penn does indeed sound like a dick, or maybe he just takes things too seriously. But what really got me is Hillary Swank. "I don't know what I did in this life to deserve all this," ..... "I'm just a girl from a trailer park who had a dream." Doesn't that make you want to slap her?

Evildeb and I have deep deep prejudices against Ms. Swank. We don't like her. But we can hardly argue with the fact, after last night's acceptance speech that she's got Pluck. And probably Spirit, as well. Can't get out of the trailer parks without having Pluck. Oh, and I believe you also need a "whole lotta heart."

blah blah blah.

18 février 2005

I want to buy you flowers, it's such a shame you are a boy.

If I were in a band, this is exactly the type of video I would want. I've always wanted to visit a Burtonesque universe.

Evildeb took the dragon test and claims she's also a black dragon. Which is impossible, since we are polar opposites. While I agree she is probably not a white dragon, she can't be black. I was black first. She should be red or something, that sounds more like her. Exhibit A: she has the S.A.D. You can't be a dragon of the night and complain about not getting enough sun. Black dragons do not believe in the S.A.D. Red dragons love the sun and summer and noon. That's Evildeb. She's just jealous, and she can't let me have anything for myself, so she claims to be black. Soon I will have to smite her.

Josh is still in intensive care, but we hope he will be moved today. Once the threat of internal bleeding has passed, it's on to healing all the bones and rehab. The doctors told my stepmom he will have to learn to walk again, once his pelvis heals. We'll know more once he is moved into the rehab wing. He's got a long road ahead of him. I spoke with him on the phone and that made me feel much better. He seemed to be in pretty good spirits, despite the pain and 4 missing front teeth. I badgered him into eating whatever the hospital tells him to eat, even if it's not vegan. Or I will come down there and feed it to him. I'm also relieved that Faye is there, and can get direct info from the doctors. The cop present at the accident did indeed give Josh a jaywalking ticket. I imagine he stuck it in his coat pocket before they took him away in the ambulance. Cold, man... really cold. The driver got a speeding ticket. Faye is going to get a copy of the police report and already has an attorney, so we can investigate any culpability she, or her insurance rather, has. Hopefully enough to get new teeth.

It's going to be tough, he won't be able to work for a while, he won't have any money, and I doubt he will be able to live without assistance. But you know, he has amazing friends with really big hearts. I'll say one thing for the punk rock/ vegan/ political activist/ nomad lifestyle, you make a lot of good friends all over the country. One of them is flying in from Illinois today. And the local Denver group is talking about having some kind of benefit to raise money to pay his rent for a couple of months. That's just incredible. He's a pretty lucky boy.

I have plans to go over to Louise's house tomorrow to watch "Shaun of the Dead" and eat some kind of animal flesh. Which seems appropriate when one is watching a movie about cannibalistic zombies. As long as it's not human flesh, or flesh from an aquatic type organism, it's a-ok with me. Okay, also no animals that I have kept as a pet. And no lamb or veal. I can't handle that. Let's keep the flesh in the cow-chicken-pork range.

10 février 2005

Workplace Euphemisms

The Man: I'm cleaning my cube.
*Jodi, Evildeb and KK giggle, because sounds like a naughty joke.*
Evildeb: Is that a euphemism?
Jodi: I'm CLEANING my CUBE. Anything can be a euphemism if you say it right.
Evildeb: Well, I'm installing Publisher.
Jodi: I'm INSTALLING PUBLISHER. Hmmmm... what would that mean?
Evildeb: It means I am wasting my time.
*Jodi and Evildeb laugh uncontrollably. Because it's a Mocking Publisher joke.*
Jodi: From now it, is is a official. "Installing Publisher" is another way of saying you wasted time.
The Man: What would 'Extracting a DMG file' mean?
Jodi: Ummmm... that would mean that you had to spend considerable time in the facilities. The restroom.
*Everyone laughs because it's a poop joke*
Jodi: You know what? I am going to share our new euphemism with the whole world!
Evildeb: Is that a euphemism?

Pretty soon I am going to have to create a jodictionary, to explain all my new words and phrases.

7 février 2005

You do know that...

...Evildeb only reads my blog when I tell her I wrote about her. Which I only do about a third of the time. And when she reads it, she usually comments. Because she is unable to let me have the last word in anything. If she could, she would temporarily take over my blog just for the purpose of proving that. By commenting, she is trying to leave her mark, one that says "you cannot have something that I cannot have! I won't let that happen!" She's so cute, she doesn't even like blogs. Although, if she took the time to write one herself it would be entertaining, but I think she is more comfortable responding and reacting. I told her about the post from a couple of days ago, because I was unsure if I was a saint, in general, for sharing my wit and humor with my co-workers. Or if I was a saint for putting up with her. Probably the later.

This is how every argument with Evildeb goes, and keep in mind an argument can spring up from the most innocuous of comments, we argue constantly. Example:
Solution 1 in that document is wrong.
No, YOU'RE wrong.
I'm not wrong, the solution is wrong. YOU are wrong!
Your FACE is wrong!

"Your face is..." fill in the blank is the end of all arguments. Unless you want to pull out the extra ammo of "Well, your mother's face is..." fill in the blank. But you gotta be careful with that one, because it's only going to escalate from there. It might lead to pinching.

5 février 2005

No brains, no headache...

as we like to say in my family. Which is just more proof that i have a GINORMOUS brain. Knew it all long, after all, I carry the thing around on my neck every day. But if I had doubts, my headaches could squelch them. Woke up with a pounding headache, went through my day with a pounding headache, and left a half hour early with a pounding headache. You know, one of the things that does not help a headache is sitting at the computer all day writing and researching. The funniest part about my headache.... Evildeb wasn't even in the office today. She went down to see the babytechs with Dr. Stevil. It was quiet as a tomb in my pod today. Maybe it was evil withdrawal. I came home from work, went to bed and slept until 9. Now I'm awake and experiencing the post headache high.

Evildeb cannot sit through meetings. It is physically very painful for her. If she is not an active participant in the meeting, little pieces of her soul can be seen leaving her body... floating away from the top of her head. If you expect her to listen and retain information, you'd better make it appealing. It's not her fault, she's missing a certain synapse in her brain. To prolong her pain, turn the lights off and show a presentation on the wall. Even better, make it a white background, black helvetica text. That's it. Then she will be bored, tired, antsy AND depressed. God love her. So if I am sitting next to Edeb in a meeting, and there is a pad of paper between us, we'll often scratch comments or questions back and forth. I know it may appear rude, but believe me, I'm doing everyone a favor... keep her captive in a meeting room for too long, and she'll try to chew her own leg off to escape. Also, it just so happens, I am also miss firing at certain synapses. By providing me with a piece of paper, and an audience, I will be more apt to keep my sarcastic, but terribly witty, comments to myself. I have Meeting Tourette's.

Bad Employee #1: you know, i bet he folds his underwear into neat, uniformly sized underpants packets.
Bad Employee #2: you forgot to mention they are white.
Bad Employee #1: You are right of course. Resistance is futile!
Bad Employee #2: Kill the humanoid!

25 janvier 2005

Ok buddy, uh, I was just tryin' to cheer us up so go ahead. Put on some old sad bastard music, see if I care.

Yesterday was, officially, the most depressing day of the year. I'm not making it up.... The British decided it's the most depressing day of the year. Apparently it all boils down to:

  • The crappy, dark, cold weather.
  • Any remaining dregs of holiday cheer are all used up.
  • Most people have already failed at their NY's resolutions, by this point.
  • Credit card bills for holiday spending starting to arrive.
  • No fun to look forward to, no plans for holiday celebration, etc.

Well, I think it's all crap. And you know how much I understand the depression. Maybe it's just crap for me.

  • dark skies don't bother me, and I don't believe in the S.A.D.
  • holiday cheer is gone the morning of the 26th. It's over. And I'm relieved. Any dregs are removed by the time I go back to work.
  • I didn't make any resolutions.
  • I have no credit cards

I will admit, there is a long dry spell of no special workdays off. I don't think there is an official holiday PTO until Memorial day. That is pretty bleak. I told Evildeb, who is very sensitive, that yesterday was the most depressing day of the year, and she said, "What? No, I was fine yesterday." So that proves it. Believe me, if it had been true, she would have been depressed.

I bet the British never took Evildeb into account. No one ever does.

21 janvier 2005

Hi! I'm Mimi! If you ever need a friend, or want to talk... Well, too damn bad!

Recently, Evildeb and Lloyd shipped No. 1 Son, Almost Certainly Evil Jacob, off to college - on the other side of the state. When your offspring moves out of the house, things instantly become simpler. No matter which kid. There is less laundry, fewer dirty dishes, less demand for the 1 full bathroom the Evil's have in their house, less demand for face to face attention. No conflict over the tv, no friends of the offspring hanging around. Evildeb spent about one day examining this and said, "No, no, NO! This will never do. Things are not complicated enough. It's too quiet. I cannot take it! I must have a dog. ASAP!"

The problem is, Lloyd is allergic to all living beings. Feathered, finned, furred or pink skinned. If it breaths, it makes him itch and sneeze. But it's difficult to say no to the Debil. "They" decided that they would foster a dog for a month, and see how Lloyd did. It would need to be a dog that is known for being less allergenic. Like a poodle. Evildeb found a dog named Mimi, who is half poodle and half brichon frise. [i have no idea how to spell bichon frise.] Eleven months old, she had been rescued from a shed, where she had been kept 24/7.

Half the month is gone, and so far Lloyd is doing ok. The dog is delightful. Friendly and playful, odd for a dog who was locked in a shed. So the deciding factor, in whether they keep Mimi, is Lloyd. I asked her what she would do if Lloyd said he couldn't live with the allergies.
"He would have to prove it."
"But you said that it is ultimately up to him. It's his decision. But if he says no, he'll have to prove it?"
"well... yes."

Here are some pictures of Mimi, in the black skull and cross bones hoodie Evildeb got her. So far, Mimi is a great excuse for Deb to spend money. Click for larger images.

She really is a cute dog.

18 janvier 2005

Well, red usually means "Caution," or "Beef" if it's a bouillon cube.

The biggest, most exciting news in my life? My cube, at work, will be moving to another location in the building. Sometime. Maybe in spring. Which goes to show you just how exciting my life is right now. I want to be placed in a dark, quiet, isolated corner.

Here's a fun fact about Evildeb, I really enjoy listening to her talk to customers. Especially difficult ones. It's not that she's mean or rude or anything. Quite the opposite. She's very calm and collected, but firm. I'm too nice. She's talking to a customer right now. One who is a bit on the clueless side. One who keeps escalating because she doesn't like the technical answer she receives. So I'm listening to Evildeb explain simple technical facts over and over again. Cute!

Evildeb, Dr. Stevil and I are notorious for our bickering. You wouldn't think we were friends. In fact, one boss Steve and I had, came to me and asked me if he and I were having problems [I don't think she had been our boss for long] because she heard us arguing. I explained that that was how we showed our love for one another, by trying to make the other one so angry, they started throwing things. Put three stubborn, dominate, opinionated people in a room. Make them each incredibly different in temperament. Give them each a different point of view, a different way of seeing things, a different way of solving problems, and a different work style. Make one of them a super genius like me. Make one of them pathologically unable to admit she is ever ever ever wrong, even if she is. And make the other one a crabby gay man with a great love for shoes. What do you have? Weapons of mass destruction, that's what. So, I was very amused when an employee at our vendors, wrote a story about working with everyone here, before she left the company. I really enjoyed our paragraph. I hope she doesn't mind I am going to paste that part here. By the way, there is a wizard in this story.

All Jodi could hear from her perch in the top of the tree was Deb yelling "You either get down here or I'm sending Steve up to slap you"! She looked down scornfully. It had taken her a long time to get her beanbag chair all the way to the top branch. And she was tired from her second trip up carrying the popcorn. "Yeah, yeah, you'll never get me" she taunted, smacking her lips on the buttery popcorn she was shoving in her mouth. Steve was enraged and started scrambling up the tree. Deb pushed him from behind. "Stop pushing me" he said, reaching behind himself to wave her away. "I'm not pushing" she hissed, "I'm helping. Now stop yammering and get up the tree"! With a chuckle the Wizard grabbed them all, stuffing them into the bag with all the others.

12 janvier 2005

If the dead try to get ahold of me, take a message please.

If I make one more post about the weather... that would just be sad. But I can't help but mention that, according to weather.com, it should be snowing here in about 30 minutes.

On Saturday, Evildeb and I went to see White Noise. I was under the impression that this was a scary scary movie. And I desperately wanted to see a scary scary movie about dead people. Movies with demonic serial killers in stripey sweaters don't really scare me. Occasionally, they startle me. But that's their only trick. And it gets old. I wanted to see movie that scared me. I can tell it was a scary movie, if I lie in bed, at night, and pray to fall asleep quickly so I don't have to think about it too much. And if I can't, I protect myself by pulling the covers up over my head. Guaranteed to protect you from all sorts of evil. So, White Noise, not a scary movie. I would call it Spooky Suspenseful. And we enjoyed it, aside from my disappointment. I made the mistake of listening to an Alternative Rock Morning DJ, when he said it was scary. And you know, I don't even like Alternative Rock Morning DJs. I find them annoying. I must have been scanning stations in my car, on my way to work or something. I guess this A.R.M.D.J. is just a pussy. God, I hate those guys.

For scary, Louise suggests the German movie Anatomie. So does Clive Barker, for that matter. [they bonded over this film. that one time, when they fell in love.] But she also states that she's a wuss, when it comes to scary movies. I have to admit, movies tend to be a bit scarier when I watch them at home. Alone. In the dark. So I'll add it to my netflix queue.

10 décembre 2004

Conversations with EvilDeb, in which we learn her Bond Girl name.

ED: I'm hungry... what should I eat? What should I eat?
Me: *the sound of someone ignoring EvilDeb because she talks to herself all the time.*
ED: I know, I'll eat this apple. This one sitting right here. It has my name all over it. Pippin. Ha!
Me: Pippin? Your name is Pippin now.
ED: Yes. Apparently it is.
Me: Well, I'm ... ummm.... Golden Delicious.
ED: Is that your stripper name?
Me: Yes. No, wait... my stripper name is Tigger Tanglewood.
ED: Tigger... I'm going to call you Tigger Delicious from now on.
Me: That sounds like a Bond Girl name.
ED: Tigger Delicious!
Me: I will call you.... Pippin Silkstockings!

... 20 minutes later, on a walk to the People Communist Collective grocery store, EvilDeb's Bond Girl name was changed to Pippin Pussywillow because it had a more pleasant alliteration.

Pippin Pussywillow is not here today, she is having more novocain shot into her head.

Gil Grissom, meet EvilDeb

EvilDeb is going to get a Forensic Data Recovery certificate. She's starting classes next month.She'll be learning about trojans, backdoors and sniffers. I asked her what that was all about.

Me: sooo... do you get to get DNA samples, and use the violet light to look for sperm droppings?
ED: no, it's on the COMPUTER.
Me: recovery of sperm off computers?
ED: no, more like... kiddie porn. I get to look for evidence of kiddie porn.

I should have known, she's shown interest in these sick proclivities before.

Picture taken, obviously, by EvilDeb. Kiddies and Kitties... nekkid together. I guess it's escalated from there.

18 novembre 2004

Well, technically speaking, the operation is brain damage, but on a par with a night of heavy drinking. Nothing you'll miss.

A few brief updates you need to be aware of:

The sewer line will not be fixed until Saturday, we are scheduled to return to normal plumbing functions by the end of that day.

EvilDeb is working from home today. She had a doctor's appointment this afternoon to have some novocain shot in her head. Somehow, this is supposed to help them devise a treatment plan for her neck arthritis. She has arthritis in the neck cuz she's getting old. There's not a lot you can do about that. So I think they shot her in the head with a bunch of novocain in order to help her not whine so much about it. Look... I don't know why they did it, all I know is, she couldn't eat or drink this morning before the "procedure" and they had to wheel her out in a wheelchair and "it was actually necessary." Oh, and the drugs they gave her were "excellent," and she's feeling very woozy. And her neck is numb. So my theory about the whining might be correct. She certainly doesn't seem to be complaining right now.

And, finally, in a segment we like to call "Like EvilMother, Like EvilSon," while chatting with me this morning, EvilDeb said that Number One Son, FairlyEvilJacob, was drinking a glass of water only to see a giant spider floating in it. Apparently, he almost barfed. Which totally counts. "Almost" counts in barfing and horseshoes. I guess the giant spider dropped from the sky, into his glass of water. I don't think he actually sipped the spider. However, I enjoyed that story. Brought back memories.

24 octobre 2004

I should be, procrastination is one of my favorite hobbies... Isn't it funny that my two favorite hobbies rhyme?*

Hi!

Where have I been, anyway? I guess I needed a bit of a break from the computer, during the first week of my sabbatical. I did a lot of reading, as well. But now I am doing some serious packing. Which probably means I'll be around a bit more... as blogs are an excellent source of procrastination. Like.. right now for instance.

So far, sabbatical has been good. I had to work last sunday for about 7 hours, to finish some stuff up, but other than that, I've totally forgotten where I work. Tuesday was my birthday, and EvilDeb took half the day off and we went to the spa. The whole thing was a surprise, other than the fact I knew we were going to do something. We had facials and lunch and massages and manicures and pedicures. And she paid for the whole thing. I don't even want to know how much that cost. I think I have an idea, but I am trying to bury that knowledge way down, so I am not overcome with guilt. Instead, let us focus on how fabulous my nails look. They were all about one length and pretty long to begin with, so it was a good time for a manicure. I picked a bright, in your face, fuck off red... this is a vamp red... a vegas weekend red. With just a hint of blue, so as not to be too orange. The color is O.P.I The Thrill of Brazil and it's a cream polish, with a high shine top coat. I cannot tell you how bitchin' my nails look. I keep pointing things out to strangers, and tapping my chin in thought. I bought the nail polish so I could do touch ups. Anyway, my birthday rocked because I spent it being pampered and I really really enjoy being pampered.

Ok, I need to go get some more boxes. In intrigued to find out how many boxes it takes to pack up all my books. I'm guessing 10. That's my estimate. We'll see.

*since the title today comes from an indie film, I thought I'd show support by posting the link to the official site. Burning Annie. Whoo-hooo! Support indie films!!

5 octobre 2004

See if you can find EvilDeb

Next week, October 10-13, EvilDeb will be at the Graph Expo and Converting Expo, in Chicago. What has to be the most poorly named expo ever. Some people I work with get to go to the IfraExpo in Amsterdam. Doesn't that sound cool? "I'm going to Ifra." But not EvilDeb. Oh well, it is in Chicago. That's pretty cool.

My point is, if you are in Chicago, at the same time, and want to go to an expo about converting things, see if you can spot EvilDeb!! Of course, I am not going to tell you what booth she will be at, I want you to find her based on her evil aura. It shouldn't be hard.

You know, this is EvilD's first trade show. I think I should encourage her to attend more, so that I can have a list of "EvilDeb Live Appearances" up here.

11 août 2004

You think I got kicked out because of just the aquarium? Nah, it was the handjob. And you know what else? It was worth it.

When I told Evildeb that I posted the biting story, she asked me if I also posted the teddy bear story.

Me: What's the teddy bear story?
Evildeb: I don't know... apparently I did something with someone's teddy bear.
Me: Like what?
Evildeb: I don't know... I don't remember.
Me: you don't remember.
Evildeb: I guess I was drunk.
Me: That's a great story, Deb.
Evildeb: Yeah.

Maybe someday we'll learn the story, find out what horrible and/or odd thing Evildeb did with someone's teddy bear. I can hardly wait.

I've recently become addicted to Popcap's online game Insaniquarium. So much so, that when I go to sleep at night, I see the negative impression of fish food dropping into the aquarium, on the back of my eye lids. So I came to work and showed the game to Anastasia. So I wouldn't feel so bad, if I slipped and played it at work. Because now she's addicted as well. You have to feed the fish so they will grow bigger and poop coins to so you can buy more fish and better food and better guns, in order to protect your fish from the occasional invading alien, AND buy the three pieces of egg that advance you to the next level. It's thrilling!!

9 août 2004

Evildeb Fact #432

Evildeb once bit a man so hard, she drew blood, because he wouldn't give in and say "ouch."

I kid you not.

29 juillet 2004

have you tried my risotto recipe yet? it sucks ass!!

Career counseling with EvilDeb. This is part of a chat, during which we said the same thing at the same time, which prompted me to call her Justin Timberlake. It's a stupid inside joke. Whenever she gets to be Justin Timberlake, I end up being Joey Fatone. Because that is the only other N'sync guy we know by name. So, once again, we were discussing n'sync.

Deb: no. I heard him sing solo in a movie (maybe the Greek one) and he sucked.
Jodi: wow. you'd think the singing part would be one of the main requirements for being in a vocal group.
Jodi : i'd say "band" but that would imply that they wrote and played music.
Deb: No, it was The Cooler. He played a Las Vegas lounge singer in the casino and he couldn't sing a lick.
Deb: But he was in a boy band and now he's on broadway or something in a musical.
Deb: I'm not sure why I'm not more successful. there's lots of things I dont' do well that I could do.
Jodi: me too. i do so very many things in a very mediocre manner.
Deb: I really should be a professional bowler. I've never been good at that. I also can't dance so I suppose I would be a very successful choreographer if I put my mind to it.
Jodi: i can't cook at all! why don't i have a cooking show on the food channel yet?
Deb: maybe you do.
Jodi: wow!!
Jodi: where's my big fat tv paycheck, then?

I am going to be playing some poker tomorrow, at lunch. Texas hold 'em. I've never played this game, but I've seen it on tv. Good enough, right? Turns out, I have a poker game on my mac, iPoker, and it features Hold 'em. It was bad and naughty of me to turn the game on at work, because I cannot turn it off. This is the best flavor of poker I've ever played! Not that I've played all that much poker. Mostly, I've played against machines. I'll let you know how I do, after the game tomorrow.

28 mai 2004

Right! If that's the way you want it - Cardinal! Poke her with the soft cushions!

I've entered a patch of deep ennui. It sucks. I'm bored with everything. And I'm not someone who usually gets bored. There's always something to do or read. Or nap through. But this last week, everything has bored me. It's not the boredom of depression. It's a completely uninspired, apathetic boredom. A real ho-hum boredom. I hate it. It's a waste of time. It's a waste of a perfectly good brain that should be full of ideas. It would be ok, except it really bothers me at work. When I can't make myself do anything I need to do. Because it's so dreadfully dull.

It would seem to be a week of extreme moods. For me, it's ennui. For Evildeb, it's anger. She's not here today. She took the day off due to extreme anger. She is very very upset with the WB for canceling Angel. Coming to work provokes the anger, which usually manifests in a need to poke someone's eye out. Or fight with Dr. Stevil. Or me. I guess she's fine at home. I suspect that this rage has it's roots in something other than the WB's fall line up. Possibly, maybe?

Now Fee, she is sad. And that makes me sad. I don't like it when she is sad. She's one of my favorite people of all time. I'm going to have to come up with a way to cheer her up. In the meantime, maybe some kittiepie would help.
kittiepie

KITTIE PIE!!!

12 mai 2004

It's nothing but an encyclopedia of perversions

I found the most wonderful piece of software this morning, it's called Bookpedia. And it's a Cocoa ap made for OS X... it's gorgeous, and easy to use, it looks just like iTunes. You can catalog your books, create wish lists, search the Library of Congress, add to your list by scanning bar codes, and keep track of books and to whom you've loaned them out. That's a real problem for me. It's lovely, and for all of you who have tons of books, are geeky enough to want to catalog them, but use Windows... I'm sorry. I'm sure there are tons of shareware titles that do just that for pc users. I just don't know what they are. And the screenshot of the features shows American Gods in their library, which is just evidence to me that they are people with exceptional taste. I'll have to purchase this fine piece of software. Ooo... and it's made in Spain!

I'm listening to Evildeb talk to Microsoft Tech Support. It's fun! I can hear give the details to a very confusing issue, over and over. And I know she wants to critique their phone support technique, I can just bet.... "No, you shouldn't ask me that now... you should be asking me if anything has changed, on my system, since the last time it worked as expected!!!" The problem is, it's not happening to her, she's trying to find out if they've heard of it. They could just say "no." and get off the phone. We call that a "punt" in support. But Evildeb says "he's trying to do his JOB!"

Well done, MS support phone technician.

3 mai 2004

I know. I've been really naughty, haven't I? Perhaps a good spanking's in order?

I told Evildeb that I would be performing a lot of penance for buying an iPod. A girl in my financial situation should not be buying luxury items. [even if they are an necessity like an iPod] I said many "whippings" shall occur.

Evildeb: oh really? who's going to be doing the whipping?
Me: uh... it'll be self-flagellation.
Evildeb: well... go easy on yourself.
Me: I always do!
Evildeb: YOU SEE!! that's the trouble with you. you are too easy on yourself. We could bring in a third party.
Me: You know... I was talking about figurative whippings. [an example of what I was thinking of would be, say.. i don't get to go blond again, as I was planning.]
Evildeb: mutter mutter mutter dominatrix mutter mutter .. here you go, [pointing to the website on her screen] a whole directory listing the local domanatrixes. I'm not going to open it here, tho. [indicating the workplace]

She's so supportive. Other friends might come up with half hearted attempts to explain to me why it was necessary for me to have an iPod. Not Evildeb. Only two things concerned her, the fact that she doesn't yet have one, and finding someone to spank me. Pretty much everything in the world is seen as something she has or does not have. Nothing drives her more crazy than people having what she doesn't have. I think she was probably in favor of having me whipped, because I dared to have something she does not have. In her eyes, I deserve a good spanking.

4 avril 2004

A great 20th century philosopher, Charles Schulz, once had Linus observe that "Big sisters are the crabgrass on the lawn of life." I guess the same could be said of big brothers.

EvilDeb and I went to see "Walking Tall" on Friday. We'd been looking forward to it for a long time, as we are now Big Fans of the Rock. We enjoyed it very much. As naturally we would. Lots of guns, and punching and hitting things with a big stick. Gratuitous Tackle Football- fu. In the opening scenes, The Rock gets off a ferry boat, somewhere that is supposed to be my part of the country. It's actually Canada. My part of the continent. He's just walking, almost strutting, through his town, with his duffle bag, to the Allman Band's "Midnight Rider." And EvilDeb turns to me and says, "if the film consisted of nothing but this, I'd still love it." I had to agree. Just walking him walk was almost soft core porn, and he was fully dressed. I am currently experiencing very impure thoughts about the Rock. And we enjoyed it for other reasons. Johnny Knoxville was very funny and scruffy, displayed an evil delight when he got to tear apart a bad guy's monster truck. And the bad guy was blond, beautiful, and you wanted to punch him the face. At times, we felt it difficult not to yell encouragement to the Rock, during fight scenes. Or to shout "HA!" in triumph, when one of the greasy bad guys found out what the Rock was cooking. The whole thing was set to very satisfying Rock and Roll, baby. YEAH!! It was, we decided, Cathartic Violence, and it felt good. And it's ok, we don't have to feel guilty for enjoying it. Because there has to be some issue, emotion, or complex to purge, in the first place, for it to be a release. Right? Nothing is "real." It's not like... Passion of the Christ, which I have not yet seen. And I am not sure when I will, although I know I will eventually. Because that is not Cathartic Violence. I know it's going to be disturbing and upsetting. Like i need that! sheesh.

I am not sure when I became so blood thirsty, when I started enjoying action films so much. I figure, it was around the time I went from being afraid of my older brother, to knowing that if I ever felt threatened again, I would be the one who kicked ass. I lived under the threat of being beat up far more than it actually happened. But it counts. I don't think you can walk around on egg shells, trying to avoid that behavior that you know will set it off, for an entire childhood, and not leave angry. And when all that anger started coming out, against my orders, in my twenties, I had to deal with it. Which probably made me mad all over again. But, now I am left with a love of Cathartically Violent movies, a zero tolerance policy for his bull shit, and absolute knowledge that no one will ever put me in that place again.

I guess I won, in the end, huh?

26 mars 2004

Nobody told me I was supposed to bring a gift. I was out of the loop on gifts.

Yesterday, I spelled out my new theory regarding weddings and marriages to EvilDeb. I came up with a plan, to help thwart the Right Wing conservatives, who are so desperately trying to preserve the sanctity of marriage.

Now, I am 36, female, straight. Statistically speaking, I am way past the median age for my first marriage. Only 14.7% of women, in my age bracket, have never been married. In 1990, the average age of remarriage for divorced women, was 30.6. What does this all mean? What it means is, I should be well into my 2nd marriage by now. In fact, I am rapidly gaining of the average age for my 2nd divorce. I never used my first marriage, my first wedding. It's gone. Poof. What's more, I have no intention of getting married. I'd rather live in sin.

And so, I am going to donate MY first marriage, MY first wedding, to a gay couple. They will receive MY legal rights to have that first marriage recognized by the government. It was my right, I didn't use it, I want someone to be able to benefit from that. Either way, it's just as sacramental, is it not? Either that blessed holy union is used by a gay couple, or it's lost and gone forever. I don't think God likes it when you ignore his Blessed Gifts®. Right? I'm pretty sure that he would appreciate the frugality of my plan, not letting any Blessed Gifts® go to waste. Waste not, want not!

Of course, EvilDeb had a problem with my plan. Instead of seeing the genius, she only saw what she was not getting out of the deal. She thought she should be able to donate her 2nd marriage. I told her no. You are not eligible for the right of Second Marriage, until you dissolve the First. By giving away my First, I automatically move into position of eligibility for Second Marriage. EvilDeb has not moved into that position, as she is still entrenched in First Marriage. That pissed her off. I told her it wasn't a punishment, she should be proud. I wouldn't exactly brag about it, tho. But she would not be satisfied until I explained, under my new rules, she would be eligible for a prize upon her 25th anniversary. I don't know, a big tax break or something. A new toaster? Trip to Las Vegas?

There you have it. I think I just have to call up my congressman and have him write up a lonely old bill, and let him sit on Capital Hill. Or, I shall just decree it so, and it shall be so. And gw bush can kiss my cat owning SWF ass!!

BRILLIANT!!

22 mars 2004

We are men of action, lies do not become us.

I am not even sure I care about the exact plot of this Japanese movie, I am just upset that we don't have it here in the US yet. It is rather visually stunning. Dr. Stevil probably sent out the link just to watch EvilDeb squirm. The nanosecond the trailer begun, I knew she'd be all over it. Like wasabi on sushi or something like that. It will probably eat away at her soul, daily, until this movie is available here. This is so her type of movie.

What's essential, is invisible to the eye.

Monday's suck. You know it's true. And if it were not bad enough, it's a sunny sky is totally blue lovely spring day. Nobody needs that crap on a Monday morning. It does not make things better. Standing up, looking over the walls of my cell, and out onto the shimmering water of Lake Union, does not make me want to revise/edit/tighten my report due at 3:00 today. If anything, it makes me want to print out my report, wad it up in a little ball and force someone to eat it, on my way out the door. I say "someone" because no one has, of yet, inspired me to shove a crumpled up spreadsheet down their throat. But the day is young, And people, when forced to exist within a corporate environment together, are predictable.

EvilDeb: there is something wrong with my [internal chat client]. Are you signed on?
Me: nope.
e.d.: I've been playing around with it, and now it's not working. I can't see you.
me: That could be because I'm not signed on.
e.d.: [thoughtfully] nooooo... I don't think that's it.

18 mars 2004

Wonderful. I have to tinkle again. Don't do anything till I get back.

EvilDeb's littlest spawn, my SweetPea, is finally potty trained. However, she seems to want further training. She wants to "pee like a boy." Pee standing up. The only one naive enough to leave her unattended in the bathroom was her Poppa. Her grandfather. She asked him to leave her alone and he did, but he didn't wait out in the hall, he left that part of the house. Soon, he was summoned back to find a tinkle soaked SweetPea, urine all over the bathroom. She was very happy with the results. She peed standing up. Like a boy.

Today, we were discussing her other pee issues she's displayed. When she was still a baby, she liked to remove her diaper, run around naked, and pee on the floor. I think she just wants to be a free form tinkler. In her spawn's defense, EvilDeb sent me here. Where I could learn the tried and true "Finger Method" that allows women to pee standing up. To use urinals. I was very impressed, actually. And I decided that learning how to pee standing up, as a woman, would be a great skill to have. Especially if you were out doors. No more squatting, no more looking for toilet paper. Admit it, girls, you want to know how to pee standing up. Oh sure, not every day, but in a pinch, and when the Women's restroom is forming lines while the Men's remains empty. In fact, I think if you combined this skill, with the Drinking Anyone Under the Table skill, you would, indeed, be a Action Hero.

For research purposes, I need to know the names of the crayon colors in a box of 64 crayons, and the order in which they are shipped, [left to right, top to bottom, left half of the box first, then the right.] AND using the colors we had in the mid 70's. Anyone know? I can fake it for now, but it would be better to know. I could buy a box of crayons, to make note of the exact order, and then replace the newer colors with the original colors, following the timeline on Crayola's chronology website. it would be tricky, but I could do it. But, I thought I'd put out the challenge first. It's for my story. it's for my book, actually, but I am just working on a scene, to bring to writer's group. And send to Loon, because she's let me read all of her writing class homework. It is terribly important to Lucy, that she be able to name all the crayons that appeared in her box, as a child, and the order in which they were placed.

It turns out, this is a day that will never end. I'm sure of it.

16 mars 2004

All you've done here is constructed a monument to your own insanity. WHAT KIND OF A PERSON DOES THAT?

today, evildeb decided to have a bit of a breakdown. her level of professional frustration and stress, combined with the financial concerns of sending her oldest spawn to college next year, has finally pushed her over the edge. it's sad to see the mighty fall, but at least she does it with such panache, as to provide amusement for her coworkers. it's exceedingly easy to get her worked up about things right now. you challenge her on something and she's off. watch her go!! we had at least 42 arguments today, and each and every one of them was a pure delight. she always talks to herself, during the day. all day long. but today, i think she was answering back as well. at the end of the day today, she finally tipped over the edge. if you didn't know her, you might have just thought she was a little hyper ... but no. she's lost it.

case in point, a few minutes before leaving for the day, she walked up behind me and grabbed my shoulders, giving them a shake and then asking me, "how are you doing jodi?" with a great deal of enthusiasm.

me: why does everyone feel the need to touch me today? [it's true. they either pestered me or told someone else to pester me. i should not have said that outloud, however. big mistake, because then the Man came over and started to poke me in the arm.]
e.d.: do your shoulders hurt, do you want a massage? [starts massaging my neck]
theman: *poke poke poke*
me: uhhh... deb? what's wrong with you? are you losing it.
e.d.: *laughing a slightly deranged laugh.* yes... i'm losing it. i've LOST it.
me: yes, it's lost...it's gone, isn't it? because ... you are touching me. and you don't touch people.
theman: *poke poke poke*
me: THE MAN, stop it!!
e.d.: *more manic laughter* i know!! i don't touch people!!
me: deb... do you have any xanex with you?
e.d.: YEEEESSSSSS!!!! i doooo! wanna see?

lloyd took her home. i told her she should drink a bottle of wine [the general consensus was that she might need "the big box" of wine], and maybe think about starting yoga class again. poor evildeb. at least we stopped her before she sent out any emails/rants/declarations of frustration with intent to criticize and main/career limiting communications. i've tried to install the lesson, upon both evildeb and dr. stevil, whenever they feel super strongly about something, and feel the need to send an email, ALWAYS let me read it first. they can't be trusted with their feelings. someone mature has to look out for them.

15 mars 2004

I never knew how many letters there were in the dolphin alphabet.

i like books that tell you what font was used when it was printed. the majority of books do not do this. but since i am a big font geek, i like it. sometimes, they even give the characteristics of the font.

"the text in this book was set with adobe garamond pro. an elegant and readable old style font, adobe garamond is based on the original garamond created by claude garamond (1480-1561)"

i don't think i will use garamond in my book. too overused. i'm very fond of adobe minion. there is something so cheery about the lower case j in that font. i like it. palatino used to be my favorite serif, my resume uses palatino. but i've experienced so much more, fontwise, since then. i've grown, in a typographic way. i also like of adobe electra for a variety of reasons. first, the name. second, it's a serif, but just a little bit funky, you know. it takes chances. and i like the little flat top lower case f.

in a conference call on friday, evildeb told them babytechs that i was sending them naked pictures of myself. which resulted in shock, horror, trepidation, disgust, and confusion on their part. i turned to her and asked her why that was necessary. she said it was because i was sending them an email [true] and they jokingly asked if it was work appropriate [true, although they knew it was actually about page layout software] and the only thing that could be inappropriate was naked pictures and they had to be of me because i was talking. she is such a pain. like i needed that kind of humilation. and if it were not for the fact that i left immediately after that meeting, i would have done something to get her back.

but now it's monday and i lack inspiration. that's kind of sad.

8 mars 2004

That's a pretty fucking good milkshake. I don't know if it's worth five dollars but it's pretty fucking good.

well, i'm pretty much worth shit today! it's great! a while back i had to adjust my dosage of my blood pressure medication. but once it ran out, i was supposed to start a different kind. it ran out on sunday, i filled the new prescription on sunday afternoon, and i started it today. and that, kids, is why i'm a freakin' idiot. just increasing the other med made me all spacey and dizzy and stuff for the first two days. what do you think a new kind is going to do? don't start a new medication on a monday, jodi. you stupid stupid girl. [i didn't know!! it's not my fault!]

why do i have high blood pressure? no one knows. i had low blood pressure all my life, and then suddenly, at 26, it shot up. and they did lots of tests, because that's unusual. but they couldn't come up with anything. personally, i think it has something to do with my gigantic brain. or maybe computers because that is roughly around the time i started working with them full time.

so again, i'm dizzy and lightheaded. and trembly. i was trying to write on a cd i burned for dr. stevil, and i had to write very very very slowly. it's also making it hard to concentrate. probably because it's making me a wee bit manic. which is fun. [no it's not]. and that is why i am worthless today.

coincidentally, dr. stevil gave me a cd to listen to, it's all the songs that he has purchased from the apple music store and the 2nd song was "hyperactive" by thomas dolby. of course, now it's some incredibly hypnotic song about milkshakes. i don't know who this is, but her milkshake brings all the boys to yard. and by hypnotic, i mean it puts you in a trance with it's repetitive lyrics and synth sounds. and it's lameness. further proof that i am not, nor have i ever been, hip and/or cool. The Man says it's a big hit with the kids today. with their mtv, ms. pac-man, and dan fogleburg.

evildeb is down in oregon, visiting the babytechs. and her incredible evilness has knocked out the power in their power grid. it's not the weather, the weather there is similar to the weather here, today. [it's bright and clear and sunny here. 66 degrees! an absolutely beautiful spring day. the view of the snow capped olympic mountains this morning, when i was driving across the lake, was stunning] it's evildeb. she did it. i think she was frustrated about something.. and she just KABOOM blew out all the power. and got to go back to her hotel early, which has a swimming pool. hmmm.....

5 mars 2004

I feel like a defective typewriter.

evildeb brought a little utility to my attention. now my computer makes little typewriter noises as i type. with separate noises for space and return. it's absolutly delightful. for now. i'm sure i'll get over it soon. but right now, i'm having the best time. i love the little tippety tap typing noises. when i learned to type, in junior high, i learned to TYPE. not keyboard. i learned on an IBM selectric. all of my college papers were typed, i never used a word processor. i didn't even know how. i was computer illiterate. so i'm having a little deja vu moment. although, i would like to point out, i hated my typing teacher, she only liked the popular girls. everyone else, including all boys, she did not feel she had to bother with... be nice to. i got a C in typing. totally brought down my grade point average. i did not get c's in ANYTHING. ever. later, in college, i got a job doing medical transcription for a physical therapist. i used a little dictaphone machine with foot pedals. and an IBM selectric. that's how i became the speedy typist i am today.

i'd point you to the utility, but it's a Mac OS X utility. and the majority of people chose to use lesser OS's.

4 mars 2004

Don't study so much that you get brilliant, go mad, grow a big bald egghead and try to take over the world, okay, 'cause I wanna go shoe shopping this weekend.

today i was talking to evildeb, like i do everyday... no, we were chatting. even though our cubes are next to each other, we were chatting. i mentioned to her that i have not seen a crazy person in a very long time. and that makes me sad. i like to see crazy people every now and again, because it keeps life interesting. and i don't feel so alone in the world. [i'm partially kidding] i also have had no reason to scold shoppers/consumers in any stores/mini marts/restaurants etc lately either. that really bums me out. i don't appreciate rude retail people, but i dislike rude shoppers even more. i've worked retail. i've been called names because i wouldn't let a woman through the gate and back into hallmark to buy easter grass, 20 minutes after we had closed and locked up all the money. i think i single handedly ruined easter for her. i like to think of myself as the champion of the retail worker, because i can say what they can't. i can turn to that bitchy lady and tell her that if she would SHUT THE HELL UP, then the process will work smoothly and she will get her chance at the clerk. but lately, no one has needed my special brand of retail justice. no one has even cut in front of me in line at the shell station check out counter, allowing me to then inform them of the practice of WAITING YOUR TURN and STANDING IN LINE. evildeb told me i have not been hanging out in the CRAZY NEIGHBORHOODS. but that's not true. i spent an entire day up on capital hill a couple of weeks ago. i was up and down broadway from one end to the other, and over to pike st. no crazies. and, in reality, the most significant personal interaction i have had with a crazy person was at a pf chang's in pristine suburban bellevue. crazy people migrate.

you know, someday i'm going to tell some screamy customer to shut the hell up because i can't hear myself buy shoes and they are going to punch me in the face. i wonder what my reaction would be. would i stand there, frozen in shock that someone would DARE invade my dance space and inflict harm upon my person? or would i instinctively punch back? i'd like to think i'd go all jerry springer guest on their ass. [oh TELL ME you did not just punch me, bitch. oh no you DON'T!!] i'd like to point out that i am an exceedingly polite customer/shopper, always appreciative, understanding, usually entertaining. i don't want people thinking i run around yelling at people all the time.

by the way, evildeb has a new phrase that she is trying to implant into our corporate, or at least department, vernacular. because it's so awful. "don't be a cry baby... be a TRY baby." she's so cute.

3 mars 2004

We're all on death's door repeatedly ringing the doorbell, like maniacal girl scouts trying to make quota.

it's the most wonderful time of the year, you know. it's girl scout cookie time! my enthusiasm for the girl scout cookie can be a bit unnerving to the little girl scouts outside the grocery stores. luckily for them and me, here at work, parents bring in boxes of cookies and put them in central services, with an envelope for money. they work on the honor system. if i wanted to, i could rip a bunch of girl scouts off. or maybe just the one. anyway, i could take armloads of cookies and pretend to put a check in the envelope. i could. it would be soooo easy. and yet soooo evil. i asked evildeb if she could be that evil. to steal from a girl scout. here is her reply:

evildeb: That's not my kind of evil. I wouldn't be able to see the little baby girlscout cry about it so what would be the point. I would want to see the result of my evilness. I could knock a girlscout down, grab all of her cookies and then dare her to "TAKE THEM BACK YOU CRY BABY GIRL SCOUT. THESE AREN'T EVEN AS GOOD AS CAMPFIRE GIRL POO!" I think that's what I'd do anyway.

and of course, once i thought about it, i saw her point. where's the entertainment factor in stealing girl scout cookies, if you don't get to see the reaction. i'm not sure i could be that evil tho.

surprisingly, i've only purchased one box of tagalongs. i'll get more before the week is out. and i'll freeze them. there is another tech here who loves them and buys a bunch to freeze every year. gotta make sure i get my cookie on before she comes back from vacation! because i can be that evil.

someone european just spammed my blog, trying to sell me zoloft. because i have not yet installed the anti-spam update to my moveable type. i complained to evildeb as i deleted them one by one. but she pointed out it is a blog about a girl, her kitten and her mood disorders. so i guess i'm just asking for europeans to sell me anti-depressants. that does not, however, explain all the viagra spam i get.

2 mars 2004

Shut up, you pretentious kneecap! How'd you like a punch in the eye?

we have this new system here at work. doesn't matter what it does, what's important is that we have to use it periodically throughout the day. and it's pc only. which is neither here nor there, except it sucks. transitioning to this new technology has been a BIG DEAL. for several months. it has caused a great deal of both CONCERN and FRUSTRATION. i ignored the whole thing until i absolutely had to get involved. aka: the last minute. in order to help us learn the New System, we decided to have these little lunch and learn sessions over the next few days. and we'd volunteer to take an aspect of the New System, and do a demo. that would mean we'd have to GET TO KNOW IT. the New System that is. so, my little piece was today. which meant i IMMERSED myself in the New System for most of yesterday and this morning. thusly, i came to the little lunch and learn thing with a minute and a half demonstration and 37 questions and concerns about the New System. all along we've been told that the New System is not intuitive, and not logical, and even though we are all technicians, we will not be able to just sit down and figure out. because if you do one thing while facing west, and do the same thing in a month ending with Y, you'll get two different results. which begs the question, why didn't we go with a Different New System. one with logic and reason. oh, mine is not to reason why, mine is just to do what i'm told. la lalala la la laaa la la. [happy song]

i've been listening to gregory macguire's "mirror mirror" in the car lately. and it's driving me absolutely freakin' nuts. driving me nuts from two different directions. first, the style of the book itself. the language is very... ornate. and florid. [how's THAT for a vocab word?]. so ornate that i am often left saying "what the fuck did he just say? that sentence lasted two and a half minutes!" this morning, it took 175 words, in my estimation, just to say that the hunter and his grandmother Primavera had nothing in common to facilitate conversation. and in that explanation, i swear to god, a description of the trees in florance came up, their military arrangement. and, i really think there was something about a squirrel running up your pant leg? i can't even tell you all the crap that was said in that explanation. and every single description is like this. i don't remember wicked being like this. i adored wicked. but maybe that's because i read it, and didn't listen to it. look, i read the classics, i can handle decorative prose, if it's good. but.... secondly, the narration. there are four narrators. one, for the general telling of the story, which is in the third person. you hear him most. one for the dwarves, one for lucrezia [who is playing the part of the wicked stepmother in this story] and one for bianca [snow white.]. those three are in the first person. we've heard very little from first person bianca. she's been a child, so far, in cd's 1-4. of those narrators, 3 of them read in an overly theatrical manner, ala Masterpiece Theatre. the main narrator is the worst. he also pronounces all the italian words with an italian accent. which is very unnerving and sounds pretentious. and when he does the voice of little bianca? this man has a smokey voice. and he is an older gentleman, you can tell. it's just wrong. very wrong. the story should have been read by a woman. one more thing, when little bianca calls her father, the narrator reads it as "paPA!" instead of plain old papa. oh it is so annoying.

evildeb pointed out that no one is making me listen to it. i want to borrow her book version and read the rest, so i can skim the wordy descriptions. so i can find out what happens in the end. maybe it's because i just finished listening to "coraline" which was an absolutely delightful recording, read by the author. who managed to speak as a little girl and not sound like a two pack a day smoker speaking in in pretentious falsetto.

oh jodi... bitch bitch bitch.

ps: 4 out of 5 dentists agree, i get to punch lloyd the next time he get's all cheery first thing on a monday morning. any morning, actually. no cheery until 11:30.

16 février 2004

Those double-crossing, sexy-sexy sluts!

most everyone i know has the day off. not me. very sad. and unfair. but, since our current president inspires so little celebratory joy in me, i guess i don't need to buy home electronics and bed linens and towels at president's day prices in order to honor him. phooey on him. no towels for you!

it's a shame i don't have the day off because it's all stormy outside. very windy and raining. last night, my neighbors storage closet door, which is outside on the porch, was open and it kept banging against the building in the wind. right next to my bedroom. it woke me up at 4am and i never went back to sleep. you know, on the weeknights, i'm lucky if i get five hours of sleep. that cannot be good for me. but, as i was saying, it's stormy outside and raining. it's a perfect day to stay curled up in the Purple Chair and read. because i really don't get the chance to do that very often. [sarcasm]

on saturday, i went to see The Triplets of Belleville with louise. it was excellent. the music was especially enjoyable. i also learned a new scottish slang word. To Sook, meaning To Suck. not sure of the spelling. anyway, louise's cat is named muffy, but they call her sookie because she sucks on things. like socks. also, this term can be used in conjunction with candy, or "sweeties" as we like to say. for instance, a sookie sweetie would be some kind of hard candy. every day is a vocabulary adventure with louise.

after that, we walked all over capital hill, exploring things. louise has a much more compatible shopping style, with me, than evildeb. evildeb is slooooooow. half the time i end up outside the store sitting on a bench waiting for her. if i was holding her purse, i would look like her husband. louise and i are quick. so we covered a lot of ground. we stopped in the legendary toys for babeland. it was very crowded, perhaps owning to the fact it was valentines day? i do not know. toys in babeland is the best sex toy shop ever. first of all, the toys are taken out of the packaging, and placed on kiosks. so you can play with them. and you don't have to look at the packaging. when you chose what you want, they go and get a packaged version. this is great. the lack of packaging alone cuts the sleaze factor down to almost nothing. plus, you get to play with them. test the strength of the active toys.. see how much kick a certain toy has. this is the most fun when you are with someone, and you can both make your observations and comments on the individual toys together. the store has a counter of samples of all the lubes, and all the condoms have one blown up next to the display, to show size and color and whatnot. like little banana balloons. there are no videos or dvd's. their are books, but they are erotica and techniques. no magazines. it's a very classy, and obviously interactive, place. you can get a waterproof rubber ducky vibrator. did you know that? looks just like the regular rubber duckies. feels like them too, it's rubber. but it has a special little switch. dr. stevil didn't understand why a vibrator not shaped in a phallic manner would be worth anything, be any fun. but he's a boy, a gay one at that, so he doesn't understand. oh and they had a swing in the middle of the room. i wish one time, when i was in, they'd have someone trying it out. not TRYING IT OUT as in nekkid and naughty, but just sitting in it, to see how it feels.

after that, comic book stores and greasy american diner food. so it was a good day, all in all.

10 février 2004

You know, I just woke up and I looked in the mirror and thought, "Hey, what's with all the sin."

i missed an opportunity to see mtx last night. because i'm self-centered and had been slacking off in the reading of my favorite blogs. therefore, i did not see the tour information. they were here last night. all of the sudden this morning i said, to myself, "hey... i wonder what dr. frank's up to... these days." [not wanting to end my sentence in preposition.] can you believe that? missed it by a day. you know why? not only am i self-centered, but lately you find that my head is always in a book. always.

speaking of books, i just finished "good omens" and loved it! adored it! delighted in it! i have a feeling that this is a book that i will be pushing off on people constantly. i've made a deal with evildeb to read some book she is enjoying [i don't even remember what it is] to get her to read "good omens." i don't know why i bother. she never likes any book i recommend. i should have learned my lesson when she failed to see the subtle humor and brilliance in isaac adamson's "tokyo suckerpunch." she said she didn't like it and that it wasn't well written. so then i had to hate her.... again. the only book i know for sure that we've both liked, is "wicked."

which reminds me of louise. now, you know louise is scottish. except when she's in new york. she has loaned me some of her audiobooks, to listen to on my commute. she was listing off the titles that she had, and she told me she had this book.. and we had the following conversation.
me: what? "midder midder?" what's "midder midder"?
louise: you know... "MIDDER MIDDER."
me: *scratches head in confusion*
louise: [with sarcasm i might add] oh PARDON ME, i meant MIURRR MIURRRRRR.

i've never had trouble understanding louise before. maybe it's because there was no context for the word "mirror." maybe she's totally unintelligible and i've never noticed? is that true, louise? louise... say "aluminum." .... go on, say it!

9 février 2004

oh jodi... how evil could she possibly be. i mean really.

evildeb's response to the news that i feel dizzy, lightheaded and shaky.

"Hmmm...you appear to be displaying a weakness. that makes me want to attack your soft underbelly."

with friends like that, who needs man eating tigers?

Do you ever get dizzy livin' up on that moral high ground of yours?

i'm soooo dizzy. some adjustments in my meds. don't get excited. it's blood pressure medication. i'm still plenty screwed up emotionally. anyway, i'm light headed, dizzy and shaky! it's a great way to spend a monday afternoon. at work. as good as any way to spend a monday afternoon, at work, i suppose.

both evildeb and fee have ordered trial samples of The Soap.. it did not surprise me that evildeb would do this, because she likes purchasing things online, and shopping, and beauty products. but it surprised me that fee would do it. because, if she likes it, it's very very expensive. in my mind. and fee doesn't do expensive beauty products. she says that it's ok, tho... because she has soap magic. i guess soap magic is the ability to make a bar of soap last forever. i think she's been using the same clinique facial cleanser bar since junior high? maybe? that's cool, i suppose, but if i got to pick my magic, i'm not sure soap magic would be the one i'd pick.... i'd pick telekinesis.

i'm looking forward to their reviews of The Soap.

16 janvier 2004

Like Alice, I try to believe three impossible things before breakfast.

evildeb is drinking creme bruille flavored coffee. it makes the whole pod smell like waffles with maple syrup. technically, i could go upstairs and get a waffle with maple syrup. as it's waffle friday. but i already ate.

mmmmm..... waffles.

9 janvier 2004

I understand, I'm not your type, too many tattoos. Thing is, there isn't much to do in prison except desecrate your flesh.

today, in a meeting, during a particularly confusing conference call, evildeb was sketching out tattoos. i asked her to design one for me a long time ago... a bunny. after the B died. she sketched out a cat and a bunny. she said they need work. but i think they are really striking the way they are. i especially like the cat.

19 décembre 2003

continuing adventures of evildeb

yesterday we had little xmas party, here at work. i was standing with evildeb, admiring the hors douevres when the coworker who refers to himself as The Man walked up to ask us why were werent eating the sauteed oysters. i wasnt eating them because they are nasty. but what about evildeb?

e.d.: they have stuff in them.
me: flesh. she doesnt eat meat. shes a vegetarian again.
e.d.: i used to eat seafood, when i was a vegetarian before.
me: shes been one before, you know.
e.d.: thats right. ive been one before, you know. its my natural state.
the man: what? vegetative?
me: bwahahahaahaha!!
e.d.: thats not funny.
me: oh yes it is.

occasionally, i like to answer the unasked questions that those of you who have not met evildeb have on your minds, whether you like to admit it, or not. why do i call her EVILdeb? what makes her evil. ladies and gentlemen of the internet, i give you ... exhibit b. evildeb sent this out to a mail list we have here at work, called mr. snotty.

anyone who would subject coworkers to this kind of thing has to be evil.

12 décembre 2003

Oh, I'm not vegetarian 'cause I love animals. I'm vegetarian 'cause I hate plants.

today evildeb is "working" from home. and mollymonster, queen of the lip balm, is off. so that leaves me in a pod full of yucky boys. except one of them has recently taken to calling himself The Man. so it's yucky boys and one Man.

did i tell you that evildeb is a vegetarian now? she announced this awhile back. back around my birthday, as a matter of fact. we were talking about ... i don't even know what and all the sudden:
e.d.: i'm a vegetarian
me: what? what are you talking about?
e.d.: i'm a vegetarian now. i've been one before.
me: when did this happen.
e.d.: two days ago. i've been one before you know.
me: and why did you decide to become one again?
e.d.: it's right for me, i don't like killing animals. i've been one before you know.
me: yes, you've said that before as well. i don't know, deb... NOT wanting to kill animals isn't very evil.
e.d.: yes it is. being a vegetarian makes me more difficult. more difficult to feed.
me: excellent point. you're right. you are a giant pain in the ass now. it IS evil.
e.d.: i've been one before, you know.
me: shut up.
*few minutes later....
me: was it the bee?
e.d.: what?
me: was it the bee that turned you veggie? i bet it was the bee.
e.d.: *sigh* no. it wasn't the bee. i've been one before, you know.
me: shut up.

14 novembre 2003

insane bank logic...

i called b of a back, to schedule and appt. for me and my stepdad to come in and talk to them. and before i even had a chance to do that they told me i could have my car back. they'd reinstate the loan. sooooo.... apparently, the trick is to call back, and not ask to have it back. i'm going to have to fork over a couple of thousand dollars. but... let's look at the alternative.

the alternative is the bus, people. i'm not overly fond of the bus.

it's too late to do anything about it today. evildeb is going to take me to all the banks i need to hit tomorrow morning. and then i'll take the stupid bus into n. seattle on monday morning and pick it up. i think i am still going to borrow the truck for the weekend, tho.

note to fee: i don't know where ginormous comes from, but you are correct when you say i didn't get it from kevin and bean. i've never even heard kevin and bean.

3 novembre 2003

I want you all over that ball like a fat kid on a cupcake!

evildeb is being extra evil today, although i'm not certain she planned to be. she brought in carrot cake cupcakes, with cream cheese frosting. to make them extra special, she explained how she was baking an apple pie in the rack above, and apple pie juice bubbled over from the pie, into the cupcakes. i can have none of these delicious pie infested cupcakes. because they are just tiny CARBS with CARB FROSTING. on my first day, too. mean. i pointed this out to her, and she claims she didn't even think of it that way. but that's the evil for you...

speaking of cupcakes, my coworker molly was in nyc last week for some trade show and says she found a "cupcake place" not far from the ice cream place i told her about. a place just for cupcakes? that's ok, steve found a place that's all about rice pudding. how could i have missed THAT when i was in nyc. he promised me he'd check it out. did i mention that dr. stevil is in nyc as well?

so far... i am not receiving any particular energy boosts from the high protein low carb diet. but i guess i have to give it more than 5 hours, huh?

20 octobre 2003

Yeah! Let's go get sushi and not pay.

i did four loads of laundry and that's not even the tip of the iceberg baby. that's just all the darks. minus any black. the blacks warrant a load or two all their own. yes, i have not done significant laundry in a while. plus, i have a lot of sheets. i have a slight bedding addiction.

since i found the cord to my digital camera, here are two pictures from the conveyor belt sushi place. click image to enlarge:



evildeb's pile of sushi plates. the colors represent the different prices. which were listed on the wall. that's evildeb's evil hand with the chopsticks.



sushi going 'round and 'round and nobody eating it until it gets bad and poisonous. but that's just my concern. i have no proof.

17 octobre 2003

Don't worry, I'm not who I used to be. I've had extensive therapy. I realize that I have been using food as a substitute for love and I have the books to prove it

so high tea? ROCKS!! everyone go out and have high tea right now. i've discovered i like tea. good tea. with milk. i'd never had tea with milk. well, except for oregon chai. which is pretty damn good stuff. in of itself. but i had a chai tea brewed loose, with milk. and wee bit of sugar. so good. i had lots of it. lots and lots and lots. pots and pots. and little chicken salad sandwiches with no crusts. and tiny lemon tarts. and chocolate cake. and scones. and sorbet. and shortbread. and fresh fruit. so much little food. and soooo much lovely caffeine. delightful. i even had my own little bowl of real whipped cream. and butter. we decided that the ladies' high tea club is going to have to meet quarterly. on bonus paycheck day. should we warrant our bonuses that quarter.

this weekend is northwest bookfest and fee and ellie... you will be jealous. big scrabble to-do. you get to challenge a seattle scrabble club champion... or something. whoo-eeee... scrabble. anyway, i might try to hit it on saturday.

we had a big storm last night, wind and rain. lots of flooding and fallen trees guess a lot people lost power, but i did not. and one guy died, stepping on a downed power line. he thought it was a flare and asked his friend to stop the van, he got out to stomp on it, put it out, and died instantly. probably not a bad way to die, except that it's very sad he died in the first place. his poor friend must have freaked.

that's all i have today. i've got a huge headache. i'd really like someone to cut off my head please. i was hoping lots and lots of caffeine would help. sadly, no. but it did give me the jitters. which is fun.

15 octobre 2003

Well, you should see what happens when you mention my name at The Rug Barn. You get a glass of cold mint tea and a rough kiss from a guy named Misha.

i'm sort of annoyed. bored, in a way. i have not seen anything interesting in many days. no impatient senior citizens, pushing people into crosswalks, no screaming insane men, spraying the inside of garment bags and yelling at people, nobody walking down the street in a planet of the apes mask. i haven't even had to admonish any fellow consumers, who were being unnecessarily rude to retail clerks. and that's my favorite hobby! i had to nearly swallow a bug, just to liven things up! sad. the satus quo is boring.

i'm going to lunch with my fellow teammates. we are going to some new sushi place that has food going around on a conveyor belt. you take what you want. thing is, i don't want anything, because i don't like sushi. i'm hoping for some teriyaki. there'd better be some teriyaki, or i am going to pout. or, i'm just going to start messing with things, as they go by!! yeah, that's what i'll do. i will touch each and every piece of sushi that moves past me. i'll let you know how it goes.

oh, but this is cute. on friday, the ladies of the dept are having the first official High Teas and Tiaras outing. we are going to the queen mary's tea room. the reason for the tiara part? they give you tiaras to wear. like i don't do THAT everyday. this whole idea was evildeb's. she is a cruise director. when she left my team for a while, i really missed that. and i had to start doing it. but she's back. so i can relax. anyway, we've actually found numerous places to have high tea, including a scottish place nearby. so we are hoping to make this a regular thing. now if the boys want to have their own outing, they can. but they will never get it together enough to plan it. maybe they could just all walk across the street together. and go to the auto parts store.

3 octobre 2003

All right, listen up. If there are any bugs in here, or rats, or anything that has more legs than I do, you just stay on your side of the room, okay?

oh my god. wait until you hear what happened to me this morning. i WAS prepared to tell you all about how i colored my hair red last night. and how i sort of only took into account the "medium brown" aspects of it, and not the growing out blond. and about how i now had BRIGHT FUCK OFF RED highlights instead of blond. but i'm not going to do that. cuz i just did. looks kinda punk actually. it's semi-perm, so it will fade a bit.

anway, what happened to me this morning is far more tragic and dramatic. it's the kind of thing that makes me say "uh. well. at least i have something to write about." so, do you remember the story about evildeb, the latte, and the bee? well, i had my own little bug experience this morning. i was sitting in my boss's office, having a 1:1, drinking my breakfast. which, for those of you who do not know, is a 44 ounce dr. pepper from a soda fountain in the mini mart near my house. i'd been working on it for about 45 minutes. i felt something in my mouth, and thought it was a thread or something. and then i realized, whatever was in my mouth, came from the straw. i had just taken a sip. i spit it out into my hand and it was a BUG!! but it was a long skinny type bug. black. it looked sort of centipedish. i went "aaarrrrrhhhh!" and pam said, "there's still some in your mouth there is still some in your mouth!!" so i started swiping at my tongue to get it out. she handed me a bottle of water, but i had to make sure it was all off before i could swallow water. otherwise i'd be swallowing bug bits.

near as i can figure, it had to be dead in the cup. because the soda would have gone through some kind of aerator thing. i'm totally sicked out. so was pam. it's her worst nightmare, she said. i think we both should go home. molly said a wee little centipede is worse than a bee. because bee's are cute and fuzzy and do good things. and centipede's are not. and have too many legs. but i'm not sure "fuzzy" should count as a good thing, when it comes to having it in your mouth.

blech. i am going to go buy two naglene wide mouth bottles, in pretty colors of course, and drill straw size holes in the top. [yay! power tools!] and i'm using those from now on. they are transparent. i'll be able to see what's inside. and i'll be able to run them through the dishwasher. plus, molly says they are on sale this weekend, at REI.

30 septembre 2003

Wow. It's a big rock. I can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big.

i have a confession to make. or maybe i don't need to confess anything... i can just be open about it. there is no guilt or shame. therefore, it's not a confession. here it is... i, despite the fact i don't like professional wrestling and against my better judgement, have decided i am a fan of The Rock. and in being so, i was unavoidably drawn to the new movie The Rundown. after announcing this to evildeb, i found that she, too, was inexplicably drawn to it. so we went to see it last night. and let me tell you... it was FUNNY!! we laughed out loud in several places. we enjoyed it very much. there was mucho muy fighting going on. really good fighting . a lot of tree or treebranch-fu. trees were used in many violent and painful ways, in this movie. every fight, fall and tumble hurt to watch. a lot. and stifler and the rock had good chemistry. the rock did a great job, at all of it, the action and the humor. and there were many funny parts.

evildeb and i gave it a B. a solid, very entertained B. but, evilD said, and this is true, grading on the curve of what we EXPECTED it got an A+. a big fat punching A plus to the solar plexus. thought it would be crap. turned out to be delightful. we enjoyed it much more than underworld. which turned out to be only mediocre. maybe slightly less.

go away, monkey!!

26 septembre 2003

You know what this'll cost you? Thirty days... hath September, April, June, and Montana, all the rest have cold weather, except in the summer, which isn't often.

it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood today. when i was driving over the bridge, i had a crystal clear view of the olympics. and on my way home, i'm sure i'll have an amazing view of mt. ranier. whenever i drive across lake washington, on a morning like today, i realize why i live here. why i came back 15 years ago, and why i never want to live anywhere else. i belong here.

well, that's sweet. enough of that crap. here, where i work, we create these tests, for users of our software. that way, they can take these tests and say "look at me, i'm an EXPERT at this software. yay me!" often, members of my team assist in the creation of this test. it's a big deal. so today, we were tech reviewing some of the questions that have been written. the questions were displayed up on the wall, and dr. stevil, evildeb and i were present to review. whenever you get dr. stevil, evildeb and i in a room together, chaos ensues. it's why people usually enjoy working with us, and sometimes find it frustrating as well. it's evildeb's fault. she's very argumentative. in a 2 hour and 45 minute time span, she either argued with us, or bossed us around, 18 times. i kept count. and she has two counts of delusional thinking. we'll be at this again on monday, the reviewing. it will be interesting to see her final count.

here is a self portrait of me thinking, trying to remember the correct way to use a feature i never use, in a prerelease version of the software.
thinking.gif

i have pigtails in my hair today, they look exactly like that.

earlier today, i conducted a test, to see how long it would take me to write 1667 words. if you divided the 50,000 words by 30 days, that would be the daily word count. i'm getting ready for NaNoWriMo, as you can tell. well, i didn't have enough time to finish 1667 words, before i got interrupted. however, i did manage to write about 40% of the total words needed in 24 minutes. totally doable. i was writing a story about my mor mor's motel, and her hidden haunted catacombs. i'll post it on jodiferous when it's done. maybe i'll even find some pictures. most people agree, when they hear the stories about the motel, that my mor mor kicked ass. and so did her motel.

it might be time for me to go home now. i think so!

25 septembre 2003

Do you have any control over how creepy you allow yourself to get?

evildeb sits right next to me now. in the next cube. she talks to herself all the time. i'd forgotten. "ok, that one still crashes." "it doesn't SAY you need to hit the preview button first...." it's funny. also, it's handy. you can ignore her when she talks to you and just say that you thought she was talking to herself.

you'll be glad to know that i finished all my tech docs yesterday. all the ones that were due. i was sooo happy. i didn't even have to stay late to do it. mostly it's because two of them turned out to be incredibly easy. well, easier than i expected. but i didn't know that ahead of time. it could have sucked. but it didn't.

so i have two main sources for my dr. pepper, in the morning. option A, my preferred source. it's 20 cents cheaper. they sell lotto tickets, and the cups are paper. and option B, where the cups are plastic and there are no lottery tickets. additionally, the clerk at option B had become a little creepy, as of late. not a lot, but enough to make me avoid option B, because i didn't feel like doing all that talking first thing in the morning. why do i even go to option B? well, first, it's good to have a back up, in case option A runs out of dr.pepper syrup, or ice or something. and second, the hostess chocolate baby donnette delivery schedule. chocolate babies are best when fresh. the baby donut delivery date for option A is friday. i don't know what option B is, but i usually go there on around weds or thursday, to see if i can hit it. ok, the whole point of this story is not to demonstrate what a complete dork i am, but rather to say that this morning i found out that option B clerk is transferring to another store, further south. which is kinda nice for me.

now that that's out, i realize how mundane and boring that is. but not much else has happened to write about. this morning i saw a guy walking his dog across the street, to gasworks park. it was a little dog. and it was SO EXCITED that it crossed the street almost primarily on it's hind legs, doing a happy puppy dance. i swear it's front paws didn't touch the ground. it was cute.

that's it. all i got. maybe i should just go out and find a new personality quiz. :)

24 septembre 2003

I'm a bloodsucking fiend! Look at my outfit!

two tech docs down, two more to go. one easy, and one infused with the tedium of HELL!!

what constitutes an "outfit?" over the weekend, fee's sister was at her house, changing for the eddie izzard show. *pause... think of eddie. deep sigh.* anyway, aaishya [while i am not entirely sure i am spelling the name correctly, it is true that it starts with a bunch of vowels in a row] was putting on some jeans. some ANNE TAYLOR jeans. because she's posh. they had some scallopy things along the bottom of the leg. and creases. because she irons her jeans. again, she's posh. so she tells us how the anne taylor sales girl talked her into buying the matching denim jacket. which, fee and remarked, made what she was wearing "an outfit."

evildeb said that what i was wearing today came damn close to "an outfit." but i disagree. i just match. see, i am wearing a long sleeved red tshirt, levi's, and navy blue suede converse star sneakers. but the kicker is, i have my family tartan in my hair. i have a scrunchie made out of my tartan. which is red, with blue and white. so it matches. it's not an OUTFIT because i did not buy any of these pieces together. they are four separate elements that happen to match.

not an outfit. not an outfit at all.

edit: i also have a navy blue hoodie. but i ALWAYS have that. that navy blue hoodie is E.O. as in i wear it Every Other day, practically.

18 septembre 2003

Uh, well, if anyone from the, uh, from the IRS is watching, I... forgot to file my, my, my 1040 return. Um, I meant to do it today, but, uh...

well, according to my tax lawyer, as of yesterday, i was within full compliance with the law, and able to exercise my "tax payers rights." uh... ok. he said, call 'em up! tell them that 4.61 is a hardship! he also said that it's an art, more than a science, dealing with the IRS. and if it wasn't going well, i should yell FIRE! hang up, and call back and get a different agent out of the thousands of agents they have.

well i guess i have a bit of talent when it comes to dealing with the IRS. because i got them to agree to payments of $200 a month for all three years i owe. now, that is still more than i really want to pay, with all my bills. the lawyer said, "agree to anything, just get it lifted. and then you and i will come up with a reasonable plan and present it to them. nothing is set in stone." but when making rough estimates, he was thinking the payments would be around $250 plus. so when mr. darcy, my irs representative, said, "how much you want to pay?" i said that i'd like to keep it under two hundred. he said ok. i faxed over some stuff and they are faxing a release to my extremely patient and understanding payroll goddess before the deadline.

short story long, i should get a full paycheck on the 30th. whew. now if i could just get the credit card people off my back. i'd be as happy as a little girl!

my internet went down, at home. i'm actually at work. because evildeb is going to take me to the airport. i don't know what's worng with my dsl, and i didn't have time to figure it out. it had better just fix itself while i'm gone, that's all i'm saying.

next time we speak, i'll either be in pasadena ca. or i will be home. so. yeah. either one.

11 septembre 2003

My job? Taking care of crazies like you. Making sure you don't go and hurt yourselves with your deviant powers. And cookies, I make cookies.

i'm wearing pants today. proud of me? i'm wearing pants, as opposed to shorts or capris. because it's that cool and rainy out. so i'm wearing levi's. and i was excited because i got to get out my winter sneakers. the suede converse, with the glow in the dark star. the navy blue ones. as opposed to the black.

ok. now that we know what i am wearing....

the crazies are out today. oddities are occurring. today, evildeb and i went a mall at lunch. northgate to be specific. she wanted to walk around and i wanted something to eat and it was raining. i was standing at taco time, waiting for my crispy beef burrito to be done crispying, when all of the sudden my bag started to vibrate. it was my cell phone. and i had a text message. it said "you are weird." so i answered back "takes one to know one." i have no idea who this is, it's a 206 number. but not one i know. so they answered back "ha ha ya ok freak." and before i could respond, they said "the vibrating felt weird in my pocket lol." still thinking i knew them somehow, i said something typical of me. "do not talk dirty to me, stranger."
"i'm so confused."
"that makes two of us."
"where's your phone?"
"in my hand. who are you?"
"wait... lol... who is this?"
"oh no no... i asked you first."

silence. evildeb says i should continuously msg them saying "who are you who are you who are you?" over and over. then tomorrow, i should start calling. my guess, it's a girl. only a girl would LOL so much.

so that was fun. but the most fun was when we were walking out of the mall. there was this guy, sort of a nondescript guy, in dark pants and a white business shirt. short brown hair, glasses. nice shoes. he had several shopping bags at his feet, one was nordstrom. he was holding a suit bag, and spraying the inside of it with some kind of aerosol. now, here is what i think happened, we walked out, as we were walking away, i sort kicked the top to the can. there was a lady coming toward us. near as i can figure, she picked up the top and threw it away, probably thinking it was garbage. she was a pretty mild mannered looking lady, in her 50's. all of the sudden, behind us, we heard the guy SCREAM [and i mean scream] "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHY DID YOU DO THAT? I WAS USING THAT!! YOU BITCH!!!" top of his lungs. we turned around and the woman was frantically trying to get through the door, away from him.

here is our theory... this guy is a: wound tight as a drum and b: crazy. he was spraying the inside of the suit bag with a disinfectant. because he's terrified of germs. the woman threw the top away, which means if he wanted it back, and you know he did, because the top belonged on the can, he'd have to reach into the garbage can and pull out the lid. but he can't do that, because of the germs. so he freaked.

i really really regret not asking him what was up... why he was yelling at a total stranger like that. i am so sorry i didn't do it. because i think the answer would have been hysterical. i bet the lady went and got security. i wish i had seen that too. bummer. periodically, on the drive home, i would turn to edeb and yell "WHY DID YOU DO THAT? I WAS USING THAT!! YOU BITCH!!" and she'd laugh and laugh and laugh. proving to me i was not wrong. it was funny.

my cube is officially too messy. i've reached a threshold, and i can't take it. tomorrow... we are cleaning the cube.

10 septembre 2003

You try fighting the forces of evil when your blood sugar's low!

today's entry, dear internet friends, is all about my friend - evildeb. mostly because i NEED to tell the bee story.

first of all, edeb talked me into doing something on monday, that may shock and surprise you. she talked me into signing up at the gym. we get a deal at Sound Mind and Body, through our employer. it's a gym i could NEVER afford otherwise. but now, it's $22 for 3 months. so she decided she needed a work out partner, and i'm it. but she's very very serious. she's scheduled work outs 3x's a week for the next 8 weeks, in my corporate calendar. she's volunteered to take my workout clothes home and wash them between workouts. [because i don't have a w&d in my apartment.] so... on monday... it's a work outing i shall go. it's good for me. i know. but man... exercising is just so not a jodiferous thing.

now evildeb is listening to some subliminal tapes. about exercise and weight loss. only they aren't all that subliminal, because they say the phrase aloud before they "suggest" it. so her speech is peppered with phrases like:

i drink plenty of fresh, clean water.
i can see and feel the inches melting away. [i asked her if it tickled, she said it feels slippery.]
i do and enjoy exercise that is safe for me.
I eat plenty of fruits and vegetables.

and when she says these things, her voice gets kinda empty and robotic. it's truly frightening. i'm going to plant some subliminal messages in her subconscious that make more sense.

clean jodi's house.
do jodi's laundry.
wash jodi's car.

and now... the bee story.
on saturday, i was taking deb and maggie back home, after going to denny's super pet world. we hit a drive thru expresso booth, to feed her evil addiction. double short non fat extra hot latte. so she takes her first sip and i hear her say "there is a bee in my latte." i turn to her and look for the bee. but it's down on the floor of my car. dead and soggy. i'm thinking she took off the lid and saw it. but no... she found it because she SIPPED IT!! and then she spit it out on the floor of my car. she was traumatized! i was traumatized! maggie was crying, albeit was because she was tired and wanted french fries. but still! obviously, we are going to have to sue that little espresso stand. for mental anguish. ewwww.... can you imagine? a dead bee in your coffee and you drink it!! thank god she didn't swallow.

so that's the bee story. you know what's funny? they made her another latte, but don't you think they might have done something more. like give her her money back or something?

9 septembre 2003

Great, now I'm gonna be stuck with serious thoughts all day.

here is my voyager card of the day:






Stagnation.
" Stagnation is the emotional fatigue, indolence and flatness you feel when things have begun to run downhill, become sticky and swampy (stagnant waters), blocked (frozen waters), dry (mud flats), suffocating (drowned flowers, closed cup) and dead (fallen leaves, unusable cups)."

golly... THAT'S no fun!

"The oozing liquid floral abundance symbolizes the stagnation you experience as the result of overdoing, overindulging, overdosing and debauchery. Useless cups and dried up leaves and water represent stagnation from boredom and routine.

The closed vase in the center means that this is the time for emotional rest. By shutting down all systems, going within yourself and conserving energy, you rejuvenate and revitalize - a process symbolized by the spring greenness of the vase. Remember, all life comes out of the swamp, so be patient and know that new life is germinating. "

ok, A: i don't like the idea of oozing liquid floral abundance. and 2: if i engaged in some debauchery, i missed it. and that pisses me off! a girl likes to be present during her debauchery. right?

dr. wanless is going to be here the first weekend of october. all it says about his friday thing is "reading and talk." i'm sure that doesn't mean free readings. but it doesn't say what the talk is about. nonetheless, evildeb and i will attend. it will be more difficult to show up drunk since stargazers bookstore,where the event is held, is in an industrial park. no nearby cocktails. and you know i don't drink and drive. sigh. so much for debauchery. unless we sit in the car before hand and get drunk!! hmmm....... it's ever so much easier to take the rabidly new agey, when you've had a little cocktail to smooth out the rough edges.

this morning, when i stopped for my breakfast [ie: dr. pepper] i parallel parked against the curb of the mini mart. and this guy, who was pumping gas, starts walking over to the door. and he's just staring at me... standing in front of my car staring at me, as he walks by, then he backtracks, comes back to the front of my car and stares some more. so i yelled "why the hell are you staring at me?" but i was in my car. and i had not yet turned off the radio. but i think he could read lips. when i got into the minimart, i noticed he was a bit drunk. and he was buy more booze. great. so happy he was getting back in his car.

8 septembre 2003

Shut up, you guys. She said she was young and needed the money.

i hope that eddie izzard had as much fun friday night as i did. that's all i've got to say about that!!


actually. it's not. but as a stand alone statement, it sounds kinda naughty. i like naughty. eddie was fabulous! and he was wearing some killer stiletto boots. i think they were sort of a camel colored brown. pointy. the boot equivalent of the fuck me pump, for sure. now, i've thought about it, and i've decided not to describe his appearance any further, as to not spoil the effect for fee and kam. i'll tell you more about it after we see him in LA. which also limits what i can say about the actual content of the show, as well. but fee gets all FREAKED OUT when it comes to spoilers. and as much as i like to freak her out... i'll abstain.

after work on friday, evildeb decided she hated the shirt she was wearing with a white hot passionate hatred. so we went to buy her a new tshirt. we ended up in westlake center, downtown. which excited me greatly because that meant i was close to the only remaining HOT DOG ON A STICK that remains in western washington to the best of my knowledge. so... i immediately started doing the MEAT ON A STICK chant, along with the accompanying dance. it went a lot like this:

e.d.: i'm hungry
me: MEAT ON A STICK!!
e.d.: i don't like hot dog on a stick
me: i don't care. MEAT ON A STICK!!
e.d.: but i'm hungry.
me: meat on a stick meat on a stick meat on a stick MEAT ON A STICK!!

so we got her a shirt with evil skull cherries on the pocket. and i got a slimey the worm tshirt. hello! it said slimey on it, and has a muppet worm. it was a no brainer. then i got my hot dog on a stick.

ed: that guy just gave you The Eye
me: no he didn't. he gave my MEAT ON A STICK the eye.
ed: i don't think so.
me: MEAT ONA STICK MEAT ON A STICK!!

then we went to happy hour at a restaurant called toi. not to be confused with the toi in LA, but it is a thai restaurant. all restaurants are thai, in seattle. it's the new law. i had two little white russians. and evildeb had a big gulp worth of "gingertinis." consequently, yes, we were very buzzed. you KNOW i am a lightweight. deb had wine at the theatre, before we sat down. so she was probably in the category of drunk. that's what she said. and i believed it. because she was still buzzed on the ride home from the show. and we were discussing her frustration with the fact that she will be required to put forth EFFORT, in the 2004 elections, to assure that gw does not get re-elected. it's not enough to vote against him. we are going to have to CAMPAIGN against him, and for someone else. neither deb nor i like putting forth a great deal of effort on things. me, because i'm lazy. and deb because it's not distracting enough, unless she profits directly. [a new president, while a benefit, is not as satisfying immediately as, say, a new pair of shoes.]

where was i? oh yeah. evildeb, still buzzed after show. eddie - fucking BRILLIANT. i bought a program with lovely pictures. i could not decide whether or not i needed a "sexie" tshirt. but i have another chance, so i didn't worry too much about it.

dammit... i can't even really talk about the show, can i? without spoiling it for fee. damn fee!! i'll tell you all the details after LA.

man... i hate monday.

4 septembre 2003

The dark side clouds everything. Impossible to see the future is.

it ain't called "..adventures of a girl, her kitten, and her mood disorders" for nothing, kids. but i will try to sheild you from the darker sides of my moods. but.. i'm feeling rather bleak lately. sad but true. it's obvious i had nothing to write about in my blog, so i had to become depressed.

not to worry! i am, as always, under careful medical supervision. there are a team of people, working on my bad mood. and, if i am going to be a writer, i guess i have to suffer for my art. what better way than to become depressed? and maybe just a little bit crazy. for that creative edge.

on the upside, tomorrow is eddie night. evildeb and i are sticking to the west side after work. we are going to go downtown, park the car and then proceed to run amuck. i'm fairly sure that there will be some Smart Cocktails ; involved there, somewhere. lord, let there be cocktails. and some food. some nosh! and loads of emotional denial.

today, when i went downstairs for a meeting, the entire first floor of my office building smelled like banana cream pie. or at least the east side of it did. wishful thinking, on my part, or clandestine pie eating contest? i do not know. once, up on the 2nd floor, we had an apple pie baking contest. i got to be a judge. it was awesome. so it's possible they had a banana cream pie contest on the first floor.

26 août 2003

Maybe I'm not evil. But I don't think I can be normal.

ack!! the punchiness is setting in! you know... the part where you get all hyper and you can't sit still and you can't shut up. the punchiness that comes with lack of sleep. i am going a million miles a minute, man. whooooooosh! ok.. i exaggerated. not a million miles. i'm not having a manic moment. but i am a little hyper. , dear internet friends. and because i am not receiving replies on my emails fast enough, and there are no new posts on the 'brain for me to respond to, and tony isn't here for me to shoot rubber bands it, and evildeb is at drawing class all day....i have to take it out on you.

after the punchiness comes the crash. i HATE the crash.

21 août 2003

SPECTRE. Special Executive for Counter Intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge, Extortion. The four great cornerstones of power headed by the greatest brains in the world

last night i suffered from the Great Blackout 2003!! is that what they are calling it? what did they call it? i didn't bother to really pay attention. i'll call it The Extended Period of Time without Electricity 2003! because, it's possible that the origin of the EPOTWE 2003, for me, was different. i, for one, think it was indeed terrorist activity. [ok, i know i said i didn't pay attention to the blackout, but how come they can know FOR SURE that it's not a terrorist attack, and yet not know what caused it? "oh, we don't know why it happened, but we KNOW it wasn't terrorists!!" just curious] anyway, the terrorist group responsible for the EPOTWE 2003 is known as the PSE. Puget Sound Electricity... i think. i was the victim of their GUERILLA WARFARE tactics because i FAILED TO COMPLY with their payment demands. they wanted my complete and abject loyalty and obedience. and anyone who knows me, knows i don't hang with terrorists. i mean... look at me and the IRS... we are still at war. so basically, my way of thinking, i would respond to their demands when i was good and ready, or i remembered... whichever came last.

well, their EXTORTION METHODS are many, and they are painful, people. i came home to absolute silence. and darkness. except for the fact that the sun was still out. but OTHER THAN THAT. it was pretty dang dim. so i called them up and i said, "fine. here. take your measly $126 and stuff it up your power cord!" i was told that they worked until 9, and my power should be turned back on tonight.

never have felt so isolated. so cut off. why... it seemed like only moments ago i was in the car... with a/c... and music. and now i was plunged into a dark tunnel of loneliness. i flopped down on the bed, lying on my back, arms and legs stretched out.
"this is boring," i said to pru.
"tell me something i don't know," she said, taking a moment to stretch herself out on the window sill,
"alright! did you know that there actually is no such animal as a panther, in so far as..."
"YES!! i do know. you told me all about it. panthera is a genus blah blah blah. i am a cat you know."
"ooooooo-kay. i'm going to the movies."
"fine. go. give me a kiss goodbye before you go." *kiss* " THANK YOU!"

so i spent $8.25 of my hardly earned money and went to see tomb raider. which i enjoyed very much because a: i like treasure hunt adventures, b: i like it when girls kick ass and c: i like angelina jolie, now that she's not hooked up with billy bob. they were weird together. it creeped me out.

when i got home, after 10 pm my power was NOT on. so pru and i played with flashlights, and then i went to bed. i was certain i would not be able to sleep, as it was too quiet and the air was too still without the fans. in fact, i was giving myself 20 more minutes before i gave up and went to the 24 hour walgreens to wander about, when i fell asleep. woke up at 4:50 am. i was going to come into work at 6, but like i told evildeb, lying in bed and staring at the ceiling is infinitely more interesting in the early morning, than it is in the early evening. i came in at 7:30.

i'm still ashamed of giving in to the the PSE's terrorist methods. but i hope my power is on when i get home. now i have to through away everything in my fridge. not an entirely bad idea anyway. i just hope my thomas kemper grape soda doesn't spoil.

15 août 2003

Forecast for tomorrow; A few sprinkles of genius with a chance of doom!

bonjour, mes amis digitaux minuscules. bienvenue au week-end ! !

romy and fee, i did not win the lottery. but neither did anyone else, so that's just an extra million for us!! liloo... you'd better find a way to get on my good side by saturday evening. that's when i'll be winning my millions. just so you know, romy, fee, evildeb and co-worker molly will all be accompanying me to a spa for a few days when i win. molly and i have already made this agreement. we'll be flying first class. you don't want to miss out on that do you?

speaking of evildeb, they FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY hired a 3rd person for my team! they've offered the job to evildeb! after three freakin' months, we finally have a new person for product team. just to differentiate from my entire team, which consists of people who support other products than i, and my entire dept which, as a whole, supports everything. anyway, she'll officially be back on the team/team/dept at the end of the month. and then i shall make her life a living hell. but that's what she's expecting, so don't feel sorry for her.

i have no real plans this weekend. except i have a lot of laundry to do. i may go over to the EvilHouse tomorrow evening. i want to wash my car. i have to work on tax paperwork. oh my life is so exciting i can barely stand it. and i have bookclub this sunday evening. and i haven't started the book. i should do that now.

ok.. i go. but i have to tell you, i am eating the BEST PIZZA right now. it's a pagliacci's cheese pizza with the additional GENIUS toppings of garlic and feta cheese. that was my idea. i'm the GENIUS part. it's soooo good and my breath is soooo stinky. i'm going to go breath on pru now.

11 août 2003

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

ok, liloo, this made me laugh:

The many way Jodi falls down" seems to glow with inner life.

because it's true. i tried to explain that to my therapist once. i told her about the time i was standing on the sidewalk, at the curb, waiting for the cross walk, and i just spontaneously tripped. even thought i was standing still. and because i had my good camera around my neck, i fell all the way over, because i was using my hands to protect it, and didn't catch my fall. and i think it made her sort of sad. but i've come to terms with it, for the most part.

also, regarding the clean underpants. that is where you are WRONG! i have ZERO clean underpants. i need to do laundry soooo bad. right now, i am wearing the "only when i need to do laundry" underpants. the kind that make you drive carefully because you don't want to get in a car wreck with these particular underpants on. i do have two more pair, they are days of the week kitty cat thong underpants. i don't know what days are left. but for some outfits, that's just not appropriate.

don't worry, internet friends, i'm obligated to feel better. first, fee reminded me, in less than a month, i will be seeing my boyfriend, eddie izzard here in seattle. and in a little more than a month, i'll see him again, in LA. with fee and h'wee and kam! wheeeee! and, in fact, when i was in class with evildeb, i showed her the tickets for the seattle show, tucked safely away in my franklin covey brain. just to keep our spirits up.

secondly, i must have seemed pretty down, because deb took me to the spa yesterday and got me a massage. she got herself a massage too. i told her not to be ridiculous, that she didn't need to take me to the spa. but i only said that about 2.3 times, and not with my most resolute voice. so... off to the spa we went! this spa is called sanctuary. it's wonderful. they those showers. you know? the steam showers with all the shower heads coming at you from all directions. they have you take one before, and then i took another after. they had the best hair products in there too. those showers might be better than sex. depends on if you are getting any, i suppose. god i love those showers. in fact, in my list of material possessions i want, i had one of those showers.

the massage therapist beat the shit out of me too. which i like. what's the point of getting a massage, unless you get the hurt out? but my arms are major sore!! she did things to my arms no massage therapist has ever done before. i feel bruised, but she didn't leave any marks. ninja massage therapist.

so, as you can see, i'm obligated to snap out of it. because i have all these fucking BLESSINGS. you know? yeah... i'm working on it. don't worry.

16 juin 2003

Every day is a lottery, and first prize is that you don't have to scoot yourself around town on a skateboard with your hands. You think about that.

i took my s.dad out for dinner and movie last night, for father's day. we were talking about winning the lottery, because i am so done with working for a living. he said if he wan the mega million lottery [jackpot currently ='s $140 million] he'd give my mom some money to retire with. half a mill, i believe he said. that was, of course, after he mentioned taking care of his girlfriend and her kids. but it's not a bad sentiment, is it? i would have to say that the number of times the conversation was switched to the g.f., or one of her kids, without any real context is 16% than it used to be.

please take note of my maturity, as i am not referring to the g.f. as her previous nickname. i think i've grown.

i'm going to see the matrix tonight. i don't really know if i care about it. but i am baby sitting evildeb. her baby is visiting grandma, and lloyd is going to his interpretive sword dancing class. she's all alone. if i were her, i'd kick eviljacob out of the house and run around yelling MINE MINE MINE ALL MINE!! i'd turn the tv off, and the music ON, and kick back and enjoy it. but that's me. and i do that every night. she offered me the choice of shopping, but i have to avoid that particular temptation right now. too broke. but mood is too shoppy.

anyway, the matrix. yes, i've heard a lot of opinions about this movie, this sequel. but, luckily, all these opinions have had nothing to do with me, so i have not had to pay attention. i go in there with no preconceptions. except that kam liked it. i remember that. and lisa didn't. and coworker devon told me to keep in mind that this is the first half of a longer movie, the second half coming later this year, and if i do that, it will be ok. so i have a few preconceptions. but they are baby preconceptions.

12 juin 2003

If it's anyone's fault it's yours. You parked him in front of the TV and made him watch...The Muppets. They got frogs kissing pigs, what the hell did you think was gonna happen??

according to my peach iced tea snapple bottle cap, frogs never drink. they are printing useful facts on the bottle caps. however shocking that sounded, i realized it's not all that shocking. they are amphibians. they get all their moisture through their skin or something.

today is going far too slowly. i brought my computer in and steve installed my processor upgrade. we tested it with the sims and it sure did the trick!! now i want to go home and play sims. sims sims sims sims sims!! but i am still here. plugging away at crap.

i don't have a lot of interesting things to say. the other day, someone here at worked parked so close to my car, i could not get my car. that was the most exciting thing that happened. because i had to tell security and then they had to see if they could find the parking sticker on the car and track the bastard down. now every time i see that car in the parking lot, i scowl at it. very fiercely. but i don't know who drives it. yet.

OH! OH! i forgot!! i have eddie izzard tickets. i have eddie izzard tickets for TWO SHOWS!! on in Seattle, with evildeb, and the other in LA! that's right. i'm going down to LA to see him again. because i need to see him with fee. and kam. and howie. and aaiysha. even though i've never met her. it's a little four day mini break.

i'll let you all go now, internet friends. the after market performance of our stock is making me blue. i hate money. i plan on winning the mega million lottery tomorrow. it's up to something like $115 million. i'd look good with that much money, don't you think?

25 avril 2003

instant gratification takes too long

i’ve officially been diagnosed with the inability to delay gratification. deep down, we all knew that about me, didn’t we, my internet friends?

partially-evilJacob, son of evildeb, says that he has been to my blog. this blog of which you are perusing. he says he enjoyed some video links that he followed from this blog. i have no idea what he’s talking about. partially-evilJacob is possibly spirally down into a deep dark pit of teenage tomfoolery, as his recent behavior suggests. he knows what i am talking about. and if he truly is reading this blog, he can comment and explain to us why he’s obviously smoking the pot, as i have no links to videos of TechTV posted on my blog. such a shame, he had such a bright future.

speaking of 3/4’s of the evil family. we were at the mall the other evening. turning 10 minutes of errands for me, into hours of time wasted. while standing around, waiting for Evildeb to choose her clinique shit, i was playing with the red lipsticks. it’s my goal to find a red lipstick that goes with my skin tone. i’ve seen people with skin more fair than i, wearing it. why can’t i? i had 8 different shades of red on, and about 4 layers of lipstick. did you know that red lipstick can stain your lips? they next morning, they were stained red, even tho the lipstick was long gone.

do you see why i have not written since the 18th? i really haven’t been doing very much. i haven’t been thinking deep or interesting thoughts. yesterday, i had impressions of my teeth made, so i can get a new night guard, so i won’t clench my teeth while i sleep and wake up with a headache. how’s that? that’s my life.

pru says hello.

3 avril 2003

I think you need to get your friend some help. He seems to be obsessed with super hero sex organs.

hello april! we’ve got daylight savings time and easter to look forward to. daylight savings time does nothing for me. i have springing forward, hate losing my hour. a couple of times this week i stayed late, at work, until it was dark, and the overhead lights were off. had to do it before daylight savings time. not going to stick around until nine just to work in the dark, for pete’s sake. easter used to be one of my favorite holidays. but as we know, i’m not as pro-holiday as i once was. i wonder when i will get that back? now they just make me feel pressured.

this crazy program... i’m using InCopy to write this text. it’s different. it’s trying to screw with me. bastards. every time i save the file, i am actually saving a story. and then you can’t edit it until you chose to edit story. i saved after the first paragraph and then could type no more. i got scared. it’s ok now. the cool thing is i am typing in galley view, with a black background and violet text, and my display font is venis. none of this has anything to do with the actual text created, it’s just the display. i like that.

so what were we last talking about? the pho guys. i’m afraid i have witnessed no further crime since then. to the best of my knowledge. i got an email from my friend dee dee. dee dee is my fellow crime fighter. we once chased a bank robber. we’d been on our way to the grocery store, this was in san diego, and we came around the corner into this fog of pink smoke. all the sudden a women comes out of the building [aforementioned bank] and yells, “follow that man, he just robbed the bank!” the man was on foot and running. well, of course dee dee and i followed in hot pursuit. in her little honda civic. he was running through alleys and jumping fences, and we were doing an ok job of keeping up. suddenly, it occurred to us... what were we planning on doing with him, if we caught up? he could have a gun. we had no guns. and if he didn’t, how were we going to restrain him, exactly. [of course now i know, you sit on him.] not long after the reality of the situation kicked in, we lost him. so we went back to the bank and told them where we’d lost him. and our description. dee dee just emailed me to tell me a story of a lawsuit between her and her mother’s landlords. her mother passed away, and despite a court order, the landlords, who were suing the estate, would not let her in the apartment. so, with the aid of the sherrif’s dept, dee dee used a huge long ladder to break into it. you can’t keep a crime fighter/super hero down.

on april 1st, laurell k. hamilton’s new anita blake novel came out, i had preordered it from amazon.com, it arrived on the 1st, and not long after it turned into the 2nd of april, i had finished it. i read the whole thing that night. couldn’t help myself. i tried to read as slowly as possible. practically reading every word out loud in my head. but, dag nabbit, that jean claude is just so sexy!! i could not resist! and now it’s over. who knows how long i have to wait for the next one. i hope, when i become a best selling author, if i have a character series, i am very very fast. i wouldn’t want to do this to my fans. :)

let's see if lisa would like to share her opinion of the book....

31 mars 2003

Don't mess with me! I've got a black belt in crime!

last week, i was up on broadway with evildeb... it was lunch time. e.d. was still in hot topic and she was not moving fast enough for me. so i told her i was going to go down to retro viva and she could meet me there. and then two things happened. the first was crime! yes! on broadway. i was walking down the sidewalk and all of the sudden this guy comes out of a restaurant. i think it was a pho place, but it might just be an all around vietnamese restaurant. but we are going to go ahead and say it was pho. because that is what i think it was. so the guy comes out of the pho place, and he’s looking a little stoned. and shifty. yes, i could tell he was shifty before anything happened. because i have the super-hero crime fighting tendency in me. all of the sudden, one of the pho guys comes running out and shoves him, starts to confront him. and they start to fight and struggle. and then another bunch of pho guys come out to help, and then pretty soon this guy was covered in pho guys. he’s yelling all sorts of stuff, but his eyes still looked glassy and stoned. he probably could have gotten away if he was not so out of it. that is, before the large group of secondary backup pho guys entered the fray. then, the pho daddy came out. he was wearing the pho chef gear. you can tell he’s the leader of the pho gang. because he has the most cheffy outfit. and he confronts the stoner. turns out, the guy did a little dine and dash or something. the details are not clear. he had money and it did not belong to him. in some capacity, it belonged to the pho. more fighting, more confrontation, vietnemese shouted from one member of the pho to others, police being called. and a bunch of goth kids standing around laughing. also expressing their concern that citizen internment by other citizens was probably not legal. i don’t know if that is true or not. i imagine you can aprehend all you want, you just can’t detain. i turned around and walked back the other way, because the ruckus was blocking the sidewalk, and the alleged perp was still struggling and flaying, attempting to punch and kick whatever he could land a punch or kick upon. failing. but i didn’t want to get in the middle of it. i saw e.d. coming up the sidewalk and i took her over the the CRIME SCENE to see it. by that time they had him up against a wall. and i felt safe passing buy. evidleb did not, but being evil doesn’t mean you aren’t a fraidy cat.

it’s at this point the second thing happened, interrupting the first. we found out retro viva was gone! so disappointed! that’s where i got the famous yellow paul frank devo monkey bad! i’m recognized by that bag! the lady at the bank doesn’t need id any more because she recognizes me by that bag. and now it’s gone. so we had to turn, and walk back down the street from wist we came. e.d. wanted to cross and walk on the other side of broadway. see above fraidy cat comment. but i wouldn’t let her. see above crime fighter comment. besides, at that time they had pulled the alleged perp into the alcove and were sitting on him. it took like two point five skinny pho guys to hold him down. and he STILL looked stoned. his shirt was pulled up, as if they’d tried to pull it up over his head, like a hockey jersey. but failed. he had a green floppy hat on, and he was, as they say, couch potato soft. like i should talk, but that is not the point. i’m merely calling it like i saw it. as we passed, we here the sirens and i was sorry couldn’t stay and lookie-loo some more. i wanted to see the office arrest. actually, i really wanted to know if the pho guys got in trouble for the illegal use of force. to tell the truth, i hope they didn’t. you steal from someone, they chase you down and sit on you.... you got what’s coming to you. i think.

11 mars 2003

i'll cotton candy your ass, mother fucker!!

isn't it nice of my little brother to leave us a recipe for vegan cookies? i didn't know you needed a recipe to make vegan food. thought it was just dirt and twigs and stuff.

what was a talking about? oh yeah, portland. i forgot to say while i was drunk [after i had eaten a huge piece of cow flesh, josh] i accidentally called Lance "Lloyd." i thought that was the funniest thing ever. and so henceforth, he is Lloyd to me. make it so. long story short, didn't sleep that night either, ended up going home a day early because i was bored, i was glad to do so. got home, went to bed immediately.

from mr. snotty, here's a link to a story about french food. those silly french. and there was somehow some tiny little slam against france in the show on friday. remember i went to see my fair lady? i don't remember at what point, but colonel pickering sad something about never knowing whether or not the french were on your side. something not usually in the script. the theatre loved it. everyone clapped. i didn't. what do you expect from them. as eddie izzard said, sometimes they are a little spiky and a little french. [eddie izzard likes the french. i don't want to malign his good name. i may want to do other things with him, tho.] it doesn't matter because in my little world, we are not going to war. i think, in my little world, sadam is going to get the killer flu. and bush will have to concentrate on something else. there's a lot of peace and love, in my little world. unless you piss me off. and then you shall be punished. but most likely it's going to be a time out. or you are sent to bed with no dessert.

if you did not read last week's tard blog you really must. check out the story entitled #5: Tyrell has problems with referees. that story made me laugh out loud. and i laughed for about 10 minutes afterwards.

i was going to tell you a story about my mother. but i'm bored already. i'll tell you the story tomorrow.

6 mars 2003

second prize is a set of steak knives

where was i? oh yeah, portland. my life is so exciting.

nice hotel, uberfirm bed. i don't know why i don't like firm beds. everyone else loves them. good for their backs, they say. but they hurt me. i think parts of me get too squished between other parts of me and the bed. i like to get on a bed and then gently float down to the mattress.

monday for some reason, lance decided to display a work ethic and made us show up at 6 am. i'd slept less than two hours. and when i met him in the lobby, i hated him. so i told him that. but, on the way, we stopped at mcdonald's and it was a macdonald's that served dr pepper instead of the insipid mr. pibb. so i got an egg mcmuffin AND a dr pepper from one place. NICE! it's the little things, you know. and they had donuts when we arrived. the security guy gave us some key to some room we knew nothing about, but we took it anyway, because who knows what they store in that room? long story short, it took me 7 hours to get the laptop online and connected to our inner sanctum. so i could get work email and such. i talked to babytechs, had lunch with a senior tech. and they have dr. pepper in the fountain at their cafe. their little cafe is ten times better than ours.

i was bound and determined to eat dinner at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. i had heard it was good, but expensive. i've never been there. but you know there is nothing i like better than steak! since i had a food allowance, i wanted to use it to fulfill this dream. the restaurant was ten "portland" blocks from our hotel. [that's what the desk clerk said. portland blocks.] which means tiny. i had a cocktail that included vodka and orange juice. but orange juice from blood oranges. it was called a blood drop or something. ewwww. i was extremely quenched when i got to the restaurant, drank two glasses of water before we even saw our waiter. the vodka in that drink was high quality shit, man. i didn't even taste it. so i gulped that drink down like it was juice. on an empty stomach. BAMF! i'm more than a little buzzed. [yes, i'm a light weight. i'm a cheap date. except for the whole liking expensive steak part.] lance and evildeb had cocktails as well as wine. so the evening just became more and more delightful as it went on. before our meal was delivered, someone placed a creme bruile in front of me. i thought i had hit the jackpot. i told everyone to shush. but our waiter noticed and they took it away from me. i had the best damn ribeye steak i've ever had. they broil it in some kind of 1800 degree broiler and bring it to you on a plate heated to 500 degrees. everything was awesome, the drinks, the steak, the potatoes and the dessert. i ate more that night than i ate in the previous weekend, in its entirety. walked back to the hotel and i had two more drinks. i really wanted to sleep. i had more to drink than i normally do. i was ready to flop down on the bed and sleep. no go. damn it. why can't i drink until i pass out?

5 mars 2003

hello march!

as my hello kitty calendar so eloquently says.

i am back in seattle now. did you know i left? i did. i was in portland. i have been a naughty little blogger, however. so i will write about the last few days. i can only remember up to saturday night. and that's because something of great significance happened.

marry freddy? HA! sorry. as i write this, i am listening to the broadway cast recording of My Fair Lady. i'm getting ready for this friday, as i am going to see it at the 5th Avenue. it's one of my favorite musicals. i grew up listening to this album, i knew all the words before i ever knew anything about the story. i didn't even see the movie until i was in my teens, and then i was shocked to see audrey hepburn. i have reconciled with it, and love the movie version. i picture her as Eliza, one might say i've grown accustom to her face [hahahahaaa! man i kill me sometimes] but it's julie andrews i hear singing the songs. i've never seen it live, so i am very excited. i hope i don't sing out loud.

Sat night: the event of significance? it's girl scout cookie time!! a fact i yelled at the top of my lungs as ran up to the little card table set up in front of Larry's Market. i think i scared the g.scout herself, as her mom conducted the sale, asking me what kind i wanted. "TAGALONGS!! TWO BOXES!!" it was impossible not to yell. those g.scouts are very clever. only let us have the cookies once a year, so that when get the opportunity have them again... we freak out. ok. i do. i was so happy that i leaned on my shopping cart, in the checkout lane, and gazed at those two boxes of cookies next to my purse.... and walked out of the store before they put the groceries in the cart. i figured it out at the car. and they were chasing after me. absolutely true, i do not make that up. did you know i got kicked out of the girl scouts? for beating up another brownie? ok. that's not true. i was never even a brownie. at that age, i was a blue bird, a campire girl. because their outfits were better. when i moved to colorado, i tried girlscouting. but, alas, it's not for me to sell door to door, or participate too enthusiastically in any kind of craft project.

Sunday so yes, i was in portland. i have been visiting the vendor and helping out with new babytechs. we transitioned one of my products there this week. i did not want to go. mostly because i knew i would miss my kitty and miss my bed. there is just no way a hotel bed, no matter how swanky, will have enough comforters. which is a shame, because it's pretty much the only time i get to play with air conditioning. i'd love to turn it up it up, make the room all nippy, and then pile on the comforters. but no, all you get is little thin sheets and little thin blankets.

it was raining like mad on sunday night, and windy too. the worst possible weather for a road trip. we didn't leave until almost 7, and that's mostly because i drug my feet getting ready. evildeb and lance were excited, because it was a little mini break for them. i guess if you had a toddler and a teenager in the house, getting away for a few nights would be fun. lance was so happy, he was whistling non-stop. i thought i was going to have to punch him. but before long, we settled into a routine of complaining about our co-workers, and that soothed my mood considerably.

we got to the hotel about 10:30, and it is nice! the paramount. it was pretty damn swanky, and right smack in downtown. the valet parking was $20 a night, but it was going on the corporate card, so who cares? i love valet parking. i love it when people open doors for me and put my stuff away for me. the bed was nice, even had a comforter, duvet cover type thing. however, it was very very firm. and i'm a squishy girl.

this is just so exciting! i'll just have to continue with the rest of my adventure tomorrow.

4 février 2003

amber kinkart

that's my bond girl name. i am not all that excited about it. i wanted to be an evil slutty russian villainess. but i sound like that, that scientist girl with the glass. who ends up being hot hot hot when she takes them off. but is really just caught up in the spy game. probably because she "discovered something." or she just "knows something she shouldn't." but like i told everyone here, at least i get to have sex with bond.

so about the seminar friday. we did an exercise that was supposed to help us answer a HOW question. we picked a card out of a deck of voyager tarot. it was more than one deck all mixed together. well, deb and i both picked the same card. sorrow. we had no idea where to go with that, for our questions. they weren't so much questions as goals we wanted to achieve, we were supposed to use the card and our intuition to answer the question "how are we going to achieve this?" when asked what i thought it meant, i held up both of our cards and said it meant we were well matched as friends. i don't think were terribly insightful that evening.

3 février 2003

persistent and often intense though dull lower abdominal pain

friday, after work, evildeb and i went to a seminar on intuition. i don't know, we just felt it was the right thing to do. anyway, before it began, we had dinner. we chose a restaurant directly across the street from the seminar. consequently, we had many cocktails. no one had to drive until after the seminar, why not? i think we felt we could tap into the intuition more effectively if we were buzzed. and so we were. pretty dang buzzed.

the seminar was only two hours, and frankly, we didn't even understand the first hour. not anyone's fault but our own. i could tell we'd be trouble, if we weren't careful, so we had to write back and forth to each other. at least that kept us quiet. but i am sure it's still rude. if only the other people knew what a pain in the ass i am in class when i am giddy. and with evildeb there, i'd be super motivated. the only paper we had was my franklin covey brain. . there are some pretty crazy free form notes in the first few days of january, days i didn't use because i still had the cranium pages in. didn't like those pages. too white and boring. so i replaced them with the new shoebox ones. they got rid of that damn old lady cartoon, and went back to every day looking different. i hate that old lady. so yes, i wasted money by buying two sets of 2003 pages, but what are you going to do? aesthetics are important. i gave the cranium pages to mary to use. so they didn't go to waste and she got free pages. that's nice, isn't it?

basically, one thing i noticed is that while i have a lot of metaphysical and spiritual curiosity, i don't always like the other people who attend these type of functions. some of them seem to just try to be very very smart and deep and philosophical. they come across pretentious. one girl asked a question that sounded something like this, "if thought is energy, and therefor matter, than doesn't it stand to reason that blah blah blah blah, manifesting itself into something tangible and blah blah blah blah collective unconscious blah blah blah FOURTH DIMENSION, blah blah blah intuition?" seriously, she brought up the fourth dimension. what is the fourth dimension anyway? is it time? is it a software product? is it where you go when you dream? i don't know, WHO CARES!! it was a ridiculously pedantic question to ask. and james answered perfectly:

"ok. yes. whatever you say."

take THAT you pretentious girl in a pink knit hat despite the fact that the room was at least 80 degrees. i think that hat was cooking her brain. deb says that all the women in the room were in love with him. she's probably right. we loooooove a sensitive and spiritual guru, don't we girls. :)

so anyway, back to the people that bother me.i also don't like the rabid "new agers." i'm a very skeptical person. i think that is ok. i think skepticism is a philosophy that does not believe in absolute knowledge. correct? that's good. THAT'S an open mind. so i'm skeptical. i like to look at things from all sides, and i like a little balance in my life. i like a little logic in my spirituality, and a little magic in my science. know what mean? i've discovered that people who have absolute blind faith make me uncomfortable. it's like tossing away your brain. and your free will. have faith, that's fine, but continue to make whatever it is you have faith in, earn your respect. don't let your faith keep you from learning new things. so, when people seem to just glom on to whatever is being said, and ask questions that just affirm them to the side of the speaker, they appear needy to me. needy and a little dumb. and it's not like intuition is even a mystical subject! it's a brain thing.

i shy away from the touchy feelie stuff as well. i'm not into group therapy, nor am i into group meditation. it does not work for me. it's a solitary journey. both meditation and therapy. that's just the kind of girl i am. i don't like it when people put cutsey angel faces on my spirituality. it cheapens it. i don't need my theology mass marketed to me. so it's fine if you want to hug strangers and share your golden light with them in a circle, while meditating on your angel guide. go for it. you may annoy me, but i will probably keep it to myself, as long as you don't hug me.

short story long, some of the people in the seminar were those kind of people. they bugged me. but, i kept that to myself. well, myself and evildeb. all i want, is a little practicality balanced with my mysticism. is that so wrong? i think it's very bhudda of me. the middle path.

and now this post is too long to tell you the actual experience of the workshop. so we'll continue tomorrow. today, apparently, was all about me venting about the gentlemen who sat in the back, who thought a deep cleansing breath was all you needed to fight a mood disorder. for pete's sake.

16 décembre 2002

And, isn't sanity really just a one-trick pony anyway? I mean all you get is one trick, rational thinking, but when you're good and crazy, oooh, oooh, oooh, the sky is the limit!

the old animated tick series is the best source for quotes ever.

i doubt i'm going crazy, but i am pretty damn screwed up in the mood department right now. if i do have a crazy breakdown, i will try to post to the blog before they lock me up, ok? maybe i'll have internet access in the asylum.

thank god i see my shrink on weds. and double thank god i have a holiday break coming up. if i can make it through friday, at least i won't have to come to work until the 2nd of jan. so i can be good an crazy for about 12 full days.

saturday i went downtown with the evil family, to have dinner and xmas shop. trouble is, we got a late start and barely had any time to shop before things were closing. but that's ok. because the minute i got there i knew it was a mistake for me to be there. i just started stressing out about chirstmas presents. and i was annoyed by all the people. and i dressed too warmly. and i wanted to be home. i tried my best to keep most of that whining too myself. i didn't see many xmas lights, or decorations. i did see some. i drove, so i couldn't have cocktails. having cocktails and then shopping downtown is awesome. you should always drink alcohol when you are xmas shopping, as long as you are of legal age and aren't driving. it makes everything so much more fun. i'm not talking drunk. just a little buzz. [[pattie would not like hearing me say that! oy!]]

i'm sorry i am so down right now. i'm sure that my updates are depressing. i don't really know what to say. i don't want to pour the darkest dregs of my soul out into this blog, because no one needs that. but it's hard to not acknowledge that my depression is as bad as it's been in about 5 years. i'm trying to do something about it, tho. hopefully it will improve.

want to see my all time favorite picture of myself? it's from christmas morning, i think 1970 or so... i'm about 3. the night before, "santa" had come to our house in person, he gave me the yellow teddy bear shown in the picture. which i named teeny bear, and i still have him today and occaisionally sleep with him. anyway, i think this pictures sums up a great deal about my personality, even today.
teenybear.jpg

5 décembre 2002

a rebuttal and a community service announcement

evildeb, you are definitely NOT my sweet pea. and no matter how often you comment, and you are welcome to comment as often as you chose, this will not become your blog because your comments do not show up on the main page. so HA! however, since you bought me that pin-up girl book, i will let your snarky comments pass. this time.

As a community service, here are the lyrics to Adeste Fideles, in latin. Which is more fun than O Come All Ye Faithfull. Less obviously jesusy.

Adeste fideles,
laeti triumphantes,
Venite, venite
in Bethlehem!
Natum videte,
Regem angelorum,
Venite adoremus,
Venite adoremus,
Venite adoremus
Dominum. ---------
Cantet nunc Io!
chorus angelorum;
Cantet nunc
aula caelestium:
Gloria, gloria,
in excelsis Deo:
Venite adoremus,
Venite adoremus,
Venite adoremus
Dominum. ---------

21 novembre 2002

una bella luna

last night, when i was driving home from work, there was this beautiful harvest moon, across the lake and over my neighborhood. it was gorgeous and HUGE. plus there were clouds drifting in front of it, to make it look even more exotic. when i got to my neighborhood, just minutes later, it was smaller and whiter. how'd it do that? in just minutes. the moon rules, it's always doing sneaky stuff like that. i dig that crazy moon.

speaking of moons, i have not heard from the moons in a while. i wonder what they are up to. probably studying.

ok, special shout out to shmecky and josh. josh because he does read my blog, and commented upon it. and shmecky because she's always read it, and commented on it. she loves me. don't believe me? check out her comments. fee reads it as well. and she comments. so a special should to all three of them. wheeeeeee!! [i'm shouting "wheeee!" right now as i write. too bad i'm work while i'm doing it.]

hey, didn't every mall in america used to have a Hot Dog on a Stick stand? they are hard to find now. my mall doesn't have one. in fact, i only know of one in the greater seattle/king county area. it's at westlake mall. downtown seattle. we went there at lunch today and i got a hot dog on a stick and it was GREAT! and it was on a stick.

evildeb asked me today if i thought that the whole "no ring on the middle finger" experiment was working. i said i notice absolutely no difference at this point. but i am not giving up yet... going to give the study a bit more time. but really, things were supposed to "fall into place" within a couple of weeks. or at least start to. ok. i've only been doing it for 7 days. it's got another week to fall into place. everything, that is.

30 octobre 2002

plan b from outer space

so, by now, you may be worried about me and my plan to become a test subject for the drug companies. so i thought i would fill you in on plan b. plan b is a two part plan the most immediate part is the less savory of the two, in my opinion. part one of plan b consists of me getting a seasonal holiday job through the end of the year. this, more than likely, means the mall. and anyone who knows me knows i am not looking forward to it. working at the mall at christmas. i know one thing for sure, it's not going to be at hallmark. no way. i'd sooner sell an eyeball than work at hallmark at xmas. especially the day after. no freakin' way. there are two stores that are hiring holiday help that i am considering. one is the candle store, Illuminations. i figure i might as well work where i might enjoy the discount, should there be one. it's only temporary, i keep telling myself. only through the holidays. and the time will go so quickly.

part two of plan b is the long term solution. long term meaning, i figure i will have to do this for several months. i am going to go to bartending school. with bartending, i think i can make enough money for it to be worth my time to work a second job. the hours are mostly evenings, which is good. and it could be good for me socially. to get out the house and meet people. i think i could make a pretty good bartender. it's in my blood, thank you grandpa nelson. and i grew up playing in the bar of the ivanhoe inn, pre-open for business hours. i love the smell of a bar. the smell of hot, super clean glasses and sweet liquors. it takes me back. i'm friendly and people tend to find me amusing, i'm good with the public. and hey, i even have a psych degree, in case that myth about bartenders being good listeners should come into play.

so that's plan b. don't get me wrong, play a - test subject for major pharmaceutical companies, may still come into play. who knows. i'm not counting it out. but even though i am an extremely lazy person, and i am not proud of the fact that i have gotten to a point where i need a part time job, i am feeling good about the fact that i am doing something about the problem. i'm looking forward to not being so worried. i'm also looking forward to practicing my cocktail making skills on evildeb. she loves sitting around and drinking cocktails.

14 octobre 2002

baby elephant walk

i went to the zoo this weekend, with evildeb and baby maggie. and i think i may not be the best person for zoos. or maybe it's just my mood. but they make me kinda sad. the bunnies in the "family farm" made me downright mad. they just had bunnies in a hutch. and one of them was a grey mini rex, looked a lot like the B. but i don't understand why the chickens deserve a place to romp and play and be free range, when the bunnies don't. they just have to sit there, in boxes. for the rest of their lives. i may start a campaign to build a new "rabbit habitat."

most of the animals were hiding, as is typical whenever i am there. we weren't there very long, and come to think of it, i saw absolutely zero big cats. and they are my favorite. but i did see the baby elephant, hansa. i have to say, we have a kick ass "elephant habitat," at our zoo. apparently we love the elephants. just not the bunnies.

but the most shocking events of the weekend had nothing to do with the zoo. i did the weirdest thing. no, i did not go out saturday night. get real. i'm still me. i cleaned. happily, and with malicious intent to accomplish something. i reorganized the desk. which isn't really cleaning, i like doing that. but vacuumed the house, i cleaned up and organized the cd's. i took books to the Half Price Books to sell, i did 4 loads of laundry... it kept going on like this. throughout the weekend. it was pretty scary. i think it freaked pru out.

you'd think with that kind of productivity, over the weekend, i'd start monday with a happy and enthusiastic heart. but i'm in a poopy mood. however, at the same time, i've already accomplished the few things i had on my checklist. i only put a few things, because since i've come back from my time off, i have not been working at my full potential. i've been getting about half as much as normal done. maybe i'm back up to my normal speed? i don't know. i'm still not in a good mood.

7 octobre 2002

let's get these boobies started... part one.

ok. i've been meaning to do this for many many days. i feel like i can't write about anything else in blog until i get this over with. the breast reduction story. so let's get started. it's also appropriate since i am sitting here, topless, waiting for the vitamin e gel to absorb before putting my sports bra back on. it's going to be much shorter than it would have been a week after the fact, since so much has happened since. but maybe that's a blessing.

the reduction was on the 12th of sept. it was a 4 hour surgery. which is a pretty long surgery, when you think about it. my friend mary had a lumpectomy, in which they removed one tumor and 15 nodes, it only took an hour and a half. and that's cancer, dude. anyway, i arrived early in the morning and i was surprised at how quickly they got started. i remember going into the o.r., and them telling me that they were giving me the anesthetic, and that it would take about 5 seconds to kick in. i was talking to the nurse, nancy, about my french braids, i remarked that this "felt creepy." and i was out. next thing i remember, i'm being wheeled through hallways to my room. by this time, it was mid to late afternoon. i don't know exactly, i was out of it.

now my mom pattie, keeps remarking at how alert i was when i got there. i answered questions and even made wise cracks. but to be honest, i don't remember it that way. but once i was in bed, i do remember them explaining my best friend to me. the self administered demerol. "the button." dr. n told me, before the surgery, that i would have no appetite. that maybe i'd manage some ice chips at first, to deal with the thirst. and work my way up to water later that evening. but when the nurse asked me if i wanted water, i said yes. and 20 minutes later i said yes to grape juice.

time is blurry from then on. my mom went to get chapstick for me, because my lips looked dry, and evildeb showed up. she gave me presents from the team, and from her. including a picture of maggie. i'm sure i had some sort of conversation with her. i don't know. we'll have to ask her. i know my mom left for a while, probably to go have some dinner with bob. i ended up eating dinner. it was all beige. vanilla pudding, milk shake, applesauce, "pureed soup" of a chicken sort. but i was kicking this procedure's ass. my biggest concern was that i would feel nauseous. but you know, i never did. kicked it's ass, i'm telling you. ron [stepdad] was there during dinner. and then my mom came back. and my aunt and uncle. pattie was so sweet, she volunteered to stay and spend the night in the chair, but i was fine.

i'm spending way too much time on the hospital, aren't i? i'll tried to speed it up. well, i peed like a champ [they like that sort of thing there], was off the demerol by 2 am, and on to percocet, and had breakfast as well. and left 3 hours ahead of schedule. the whole kicking ass thing again. you don't sleep a lot, or at least all at once, in a hospital, so i was looking forward to going home.

let's call that part one, of the recovery story. and continue tomorrow with the next week, at home, tomorrow.

9 septembre 2002

damn you panda express!!

that's right. i'm eating crack chicken for dinner again. look, i had to go to the mall anyway, to pick something up. it's there, it's easy, i don't have to cook anything and it comes with it's own utensils. how can i resist?

well, i have two more days left, until b-day. and i admit it, i'm getting a little freaked out. not overly so. i still believe this will be a piece of cake. i believe that i will NOT experience any nausea after the surgery. but man... i just don't like the idea of staying overnight at the hospital. overlake called me twice today. once to preregister me, and the other for a health history. that means it's real. they are really going to cut me.

evildeb is going to take care of the pru. she's going to take her home thursday after work. while i am at the hospital and unable to care. and she will bring her back saturday. but that means i will be without my snuggle kitten friday night. and i HATE that idea. but it's probably for the best. i probably won't even feel like dealing with a playful kitten my first night home. since the first two days are supposed to be the worst. but man... take away my kitty? that's hard core, dude. i'll miss her something awful.

at this point, i have nothing really interesting to say. i just got home from work. i'm going to go clean the kitchen now. which i will hate doing. and it's at that point when i will have all the interesting things to say, i bet!!

5 septembre 2002

you have no call to get snippy with me; i'm just trying to do my job here.

yes, fee, i am am happy that someone reads my blog! :)

snippy co-worker day. one of those situations where you are in a meeting together, with a guest speaker, and you feel you have to overcompensate for co-workers attitude [which made me flinch, today] by being very very sweet or encouraging. i hate that. i also hate the constant negativity. bogs me down. just put on my earphones and try to keep to myself. or play with the sunny co-workers. who leave early, or work so hard they forget to pay attention to you all day. bah. but, i've been battling the blues for a couple of months now. and my inner sunshine is a vulnerable thing, lately. and when he gets all negative, it can really affect me. lately. i don't need that crap. we are about to implement a plan, tomorrow, that will potentially, almost certainly, be a gigantic pain in our ass. but he doesn't help, when gets bitchy about it. it's hard enough without that.

worst part is, i'm complaining about the same person who made me so happy yesterday, by bringing in 70gb's of mp3's to play with. see how fickle i am? mooooo-DEE!

so i forced the ebil webster to talk to me last night. i didn't spell that wrong. he's ebil. it's slightly less than evil. which is what deb is, and that is why we call her evildeb. anyway, he's not as evil as that. but he's ebil... which is kinda how a little kid would say "evil." webster is little kid evil. yes. not very evil, is it? no. kinda sad really. proof that he's ebil? he sent me this. i don't know, maybe you like the White Stripes. but i think that site is disrespectful of kittens. not that he cares, he sics his dog on kittens and then laughs an ebil laugh as they run away. e-b-i-l. i just wish he were in touch more, with his feelings. so he could admit he was mad at me, and we could work it out. such denial.

i think everyone is liking the new board format. i haven't heard from the board cult leader yet. she thinks because it's her birthday tomorrow, she doesn't have ot pay attention? ha! well, she'll miss all her happy birthday posts, then. :) well, let's go check out her psyche. it's online for all to enjoy!

28 août 2002

my god... it's full of stars!

to continue today's space odyssey quote title theme.

i'd like to thank arifa and tom for their comments. commenting is FUN! who needs a board. we can all just comment on my journal. :)

i'd like to rant about something other than my web server issues. as previously stated in yesterday's blog entry, evildeb gave me a surround sound system for free. five speakers, subwoofer, and receiver. she decided it no longer worked the way she'd like it too. she wanted to a buy a new one. so she did! and it's lovely. yesterday, lonnie and corie came over to help me hook it up. in the process, we decided that the fung shui of the room was not adequate for a surround sound system, and we needed to move everything about. which meant unhooking my "theatre" system, taking things out of shelves and heavy oak cabinets, moving, hooking things up again. it was sweaty, sticky work. and now a bomb has exploded in my casita, since i have to now put everything back.

anyway, the rant part is coming up now. midway thru the evening, we went to the MALL for panda chinese and to visit radio shack. i spend a lot of time at radio shack. i'm a do-it myself kinda girl. i use the girly out clause only for issues of an automotive-repair nature. [honestly, i have no idea how to change a flat tire! *giggle*] i used to think that the radio shack guys were techno wizards!! i held them in the highest esteem. but you know what? they don't know shit. i cannot tell you how many times i have gone in and asked them if something was possible, receive a negative response, do my own research and find out it is. i go in asking for items i find on their web site and they have no idea what it is. am i the only one? they know nothing at radio shack! it was a loss of innocence, when i was first confronted with that reality, i'll tell you what. kinda like realizing you dad can't do everything.

no news on uberbrain.com. :( the worst part is, anyone who emails me, arifa or my friend lonnie, is going to get their mail returned to them. eeek.

aren't blogs just great? you can talk and talk and talk.